Case 6. Parents Against Marriage

Caius, a young Catholic of an honorable and moderately wealthy family, had recently obtained the position of bank manager. In the town where he lived he formed a familiarity with Titia, a Catholic girl who was indeed of honorable condition but very poor. Caius and Titia soon mutually promised marriage to each other in writing. When Caius’s superiors heard this, they indicated to Caius’s parents that the matter greatly displeased them, because they did not wish the manager of such a place to be joined in marriage, especially such a marriage. The parents, lest their son be dismissed from the position, forbade him to enter marriage with Titia. Caius therefore, in a letter sent to Titia, sought permission to withdraw, but received a rather bitter reply from her mother that Titia was wasting away with continual tears, and that her confessor said Caius was bound under grave obligation to fulfill the promise quickly. Having received the reply, Caius approached his own confessor, who asks:

1. What are betrothals, what right do they produce, and when must they be fulfilled?

2. Are children under parental authority bound to consult their parents about entering marriage?

3. Must the command of parents that a betrothal be broken be obeyed?

4. What is to be said of the case?

1. What is betrothal, what right does it give, when is it to be fulfilled?

Betrothal is a mutual and legitimate promise of future marriage between persons who may marry lawfully. As it is a contract in a serious matter, an engagement to marry gives a right in justice to have the contract executed. If the time for execution was fixed, the appointed time must be kept; otherwise the marriage must take place within a reasonable time.¹

1 Manual of Moral Theology, vol. ii, 251 ff. ’ Ibid., 257. 2 Ibid., 257.

2. Are children bound to consult their parents with regard to marriage?

Yes, certainly. The marriage of a child is a very important family affair on which depends not only the happiness of the parties immediately concerned, but to some extent the happiness and welfare of the whole family. The parents have a right to be consulted about so important a family affair.²

3. Are children bound to obey their parents when they bid them break off an engagement?

Children are bound to break off an engagement at the bidding of their parents if the parents have good ground for their action. The parents will have good ground when the match is not desirable on account of the character of the other party, and even on account of inferiority in rank if this will be the cause of grave family dissensions and troubles. Otherwise children are not bound to obey their parents and break off an engagement to which there is no valid objection.²

4. The case. If it would cost Caius a great deal, and seriously interfere with his happiness to give up his betrothed, he would not be bound to obey his parents. He might with a safe conscience elect to be faithful to his engagement, and abide by the consequences. However, the question in the case is rather whether he is bound to do this, or whether he may break off the engagement on account of the opposition of his parents and his employers. He may break it off with a safe conscience. The opposition of his parents to the match is not unreasonable, and he may be guided in the matter by their wishes if he likes. Caius, then, is at liberty to decide for himself whether he will keep to his engagement or break it off.