Instruction in Relation to Chastity

I.

I. To what extent is it to be recommended? Sexual instruction of young men and girls is of itself to be dissuaded, because the said instruction, on account of fallen human nature and its inclination toward sexual and venereal things, easily hastens both the development of sexual life, or venereal commotions, and dangerous thoughts and desires; desires, I say, of seeing and experiencing the things signified. Each of these things is more dangerous the weaker virtue is in youthful age. There is added the ancient practice, which confirms this opinion. Accidentally, so to speak, that is, in some cases, instruction is useful or even necessary, namely if greater evils are feared from instruction being omitted than from instruction being given. Hence instruction should be given:

1. If there is danger that instruction may be given by a perverse person, or at least by one who is less fit for it.

2. If and insofar as there is danger that something may be held to be a sin, or a grave sin, which is not a sin or not a grave sin; likewise if it is to be feared that someone through lack of instruction may contract a depraved habit.¹

3. If an eagerness to know sexual matters has been aroused, and therefore there is danger that it may be satisfied in a less fitting way.

4. Especially and more often instruction is to be urged if a son or daughter is sent to a higher school; if girls educated in an institute are dismissed to seek service; if a girl is being courted, and a fortiori if marriage is approaching.

Objection. Sexual instruction ought to correspond to the development of body and soul, lest the moral equilibrium be disturbed.

Response. If, from sexual instruction being passed over, the moral equilibrium would be so disturbed that greater evils would have to be feared from this than from instruction being given, then certainly instruction would have to be carried out. But I would deny that this of itself occurs if instruction does not correspond to the development of body and soul, on account of the reason brought forward under I. Hence from the circumstances of the person, etc., let it be judged what seems preferable.²

¹ "There are not so few adolescents who, by some chance, for example riding, or from a nocturnal dream, or at the instigation of a companion, have experienced pleasure, began to indulge it, and soon, ignorant, commit material sins in such a way that from ignorance they contract a habit which is already in itself pernicious and tenacious" (Vermeersch, De castitate, n. 188).

² "Because the duty rests on us to give guidance and to warn where dangers threaten, we conclude with the declaration that we stand very hostile toward the sickly opinion of those who wish to give sexual instruction to everyone. We must hold to a cautious instruction, given in honorable words, to adults who are in circumstances where they cannot lack that knowledge without danger for their virtue." Thus His Excellency P. Hopmans in Sancta Maria, 1928, p. 139.

II. By whom is it to be given? By the parents, and indeed by the mother if there is question of a daughter; it is also better carried out by her if perhaps there is question of a son to be instructed before puberty. After puberty the matter is better fulfilled by the father with regard to sons. If anything prevents the parents from giving the instruction, let a suitable woman take the place of the mother, and a suitable man the place of the father. Therefore let the priest refer a girl who perhaps must be instructed to her mother, or, if circumstances suggest something else, to another woman; but let him abstain from that business himself, persuaded that conversations of this sort are not to be undertaken by a priest with a woman;¹ indeed, let him refer her to a book rather than teach her himself. There will be discussion in another scholion about the instruction which is called matrimonial.

¹ Provincial Council of Mechlin, 1920, n. 57.

III. How is it to be given?

1. Common instruction in schools is to be rejected. "With all Catholics," says Vermeersch, "and with most prudent writers, a collective or common exposition of the matter in elementary schools (primaires) and schools of middle grade is of itself to be disapproved: both because instruction of this sort cannot be adapted to the variety of pupils, who differ in quality or virtue, culture, strength, and necessity; and because in this way pupils are almost invited, which is worst of all, to discuss this among themselves after school; and because a prudent exposition supposes in the teacher an authority and skill which are by no means present in all."¹ Otherwise one must speak of a priest who is placed over some institute of young men or girls who are governed under the guardianship of another, or over something similar, and who teaches them sexual matters at an opportune time.

2. Instruction, according to circumstances, etc., should either be handed on partly or gradually, namely according as the inconvenience to be removed requires it (cf. especially 2 and 3 under I), or should be given more or less completely. It is fitting to append a specimen of complete instruction.

¹ Op. cit., n. 199. The Bishops of Germany speak thus: "Insofar as instruction is required, it should not be offered publicly, not in school, not in youth writings, but one-on-one. But the chief thing is and remains the education of the child to modesty from early on, reasonable care of body and health, habituation to work, to self-conquest and renunciation, strengthening of the will, keeping away the moral dangers unfortunately so numerous in the present time, and above all a religious formation begun in tender childhood and guided circumspectly" (Circular Letter, 1913).

Come now, my N., I wish to speak to you about a certain matter, about which I do not doubt that you have already sometimes thought, I mean about the procreation of man. For it is fitting for a young adolescent of your condition to know these things. Nor are these matters evil; but with younger boys, for whom it is not relevant to know these things, discussion is not undertaken about these matters. Whether here and there you have heard something about these matters, I do not know; it is pleasing now to explain the whole matter plainly.

You know, I think, that an infant is brought into the light by the mother; nevertheless I doubt whether you hold the very manner in which this happens. Therefore, see now: in the lower body of the woman there is a member implanted, whose name is "uterus." In this uterus, in certain circumstances, there is a little egg from which, with God favoring, an infant can develop. This development lasts for nine months, during which time the infant is nourished by those things which are drawn from the mother's blood. When those nine months have passed, the infant can live outside the maternal body; therefore it must be brought into the light. This happens in this way: from the uterus, in which the infant is present, a certain passage leads downward. By this passage the infant is brought forth into the light. For when the infant has been in the uterus for nine months, the uterus begins to contract; by these contractions the infant is expelled from the uterus into that passage, and from the passage outside; when this has been done, the infant has been born. This bringing forth of the infant is called "parturition"; very great pains commonly accompany this parturition; these are "the pains of the woman in childbirth."

I said just now that the little egg which is in the female uterus can develop into an infant. But what is needed for this to happen? See now: God willed that not only the mother but also the father should cooperate so that an infant might come forth into life. By what manner does this happen? By the conjunction of the thing which is called "male semen" with the little egg in the female body. Therefore in the body of the man semen is formed, and this in the member which, presenting the form of a small pouch, hangs from the lower part of the man's body.

Now then, how is the male semen joined with the little egg which is in the woman's body? The man penetrates into the female body the member by which urine is rendered, and which is called the "male member," namely into the passage by which the infant is expelled outward from the uterus; the name of this female member is "the female genital organ." When this has been done, the male semen is naturally ejaculated into the passage which leads to the uterus; then by its own force the semen penetrates into the uterus itself, and there, if it meets the little egg, joins itself with it; when this happens, what is called "conception" has taken place.

God wills that work by which the human race is procreated, but only if it is such as God willed it to be. Since, however, infants must not only be brought into the light but also educated, and this education requires the stable marriage of father and mother, only those who are joined in marriage may perform the work of generation. But if it is done by those who are unmarried, a great sin of lust is committed.

Now behold all that I wished to say to you. If any doubt should later arise spontaneously, you may freely propose it. For the rest, quietly remove from your mind the things explained. For it is now enough for you to know these things, and it is not useful to linger longer in thinking about them. We can use our time in a better way. Indeed, these thoughts can become more dangerous, for we always strive after what is forbidden. Therefore, if we turn these matters over vainly in the mind, it can happen that we both desire and do these evil things. Finally, take care not to chat about these matters with friends.¹

¹ Mannenadel en Vrouweneer, 1927, p. 36.

II.

Sex Education of Children.—(a) Necessity.—Some moralists believe that sex education of the young should be indirect. They hold that it is dangerous to speak of venereal matters to the young; that silence itself is to them a lesson of modesty; that the practice of piety and mortification, along with parental watchfulness, will keep them pure; that sufficient knowledge will come at the proper time as God will provide. Others reject this theory as opposed to the tradition of the Church as well as to experience. The defenders of direct sexual education point to the evil of silence: the bad habits contracted and grown strong before their sinfulness is understood, or the scruples and misery into which ignorance will plunge young people entering the crisis of puberty, the false and corrupt ideas with which unavoidably the minds of the innocent will be indoctrinated by immoral companions or physicians, the loss of confidence in parents who have refused important knowledge and advice, and the ruin of innocent lives by seducers which a timely word of warning would have prevented. Hence, there is an invincible ignorance which cannot be removed without direct education, and which is more harmful at least to well-reared children than any evil that may be caused by the education.

(b) Preparation for Direct Education.—Training for purity should be directed both to will and intellect, for knowledge without character is powerless against temptation. Children should be trained from the beginning morally (i.e., they should be kept as far as possible from sources of contamination; should be taught to have implicit confidence in parents and to bring to them their questions and difficulties; should be trained to practise continual mortification and restraint and to struggle against evil tendencies until the habit of self-control becomes a second nature) and religiously (i.e., to use prayer, the Sacraments and other means of grace until they are well formed in piety). This previous moral education and religious conviction will stand on guard as a protection against the suggestions of indulgence which initiation into sex matters may suggest.

(c) The Subject-Matter of Sex Education.—The fundamentals of sex instruction include such points as the diversity of sex, its origin from God and its dignity, the beginning of life in plants and animals, the organs of reproduction, the functions of maternity and paternity, the grave reasons that demand sexual morality, respect for womankind, the great sinfulness of masturbation and fornication, the meaning of puberty and its accompaniments in male and female, the possibility and healthfulness of continence, the moral dangers of the world and the social diseases to be guarded against, and the hygienic aids to chastity.

(d) The Method of Instruction.—It is clear that not all the details just mentioned can be imparted at one time, for young children would not understand or there would be scandal of little ones; but, while fiction and exaggeration should be avoided, a strictly scientific and technical instruction is not necessary or generally advisable. It is clear also that parents, and especially mothers, are naturally suited for the delicate task of early guardians of chastity, though the later instruction should be supplemented in catechism class, sermon, school, and an individual advice given in confession. It would be impossible in brief space to outline sufficiently a program of sex instruction, but parents and persons who are about to marry should read, study and apply some of the excellent books prepared for their guidance.

61. 1. Chaste education. (A) Since young persons, like soft wax, receive any impressions more distinctly, it is of the greatest importance that already from tender years they learn how highly they ought to value purity of body and soul, and therefore with what horror they ought to flee whatever savors of impurity. Therefore let them be taught with how great reverence they ought to treat their own body, which is the instrument of the soul and the temple of the whole Trinity,² by avoiding sensual looks and touches, and by doing nothing in private which they would be ashamed to do before parents and honorable persons. Therefore let nothing be said or done before them which can excite a morbid and dangerous curiosity;³ for they attend to these things, even while they seem distracted by other things; what they see, they desire to imitate; what excites curiosity, they diligently investigate. Likewise care must be taken lest nurses, servants, and others conversing with children say or do anything indecorous which could insert an impure thought into their minds: for some, still innocent, have been corrupted by the depraved conversations or examples of servants. - Boys and girls should not sleep in the same room, nor especially in the same bed, at least after the seventh year.

² To the point Paul says (1 Cor. 6:19-20): "Know you not that your members are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you?... Glorify and bear God in your body."

³ This the poet Juvenal was already observing (Satire 14): "The greatest reverence is owed to a boy; if you are preparing anything shameful, do not despise the years of the boy."

62. (B) But when they have now become pubescent, and have experienced depraved movements in themselves, and at the same time seem anxious about the cause of these, we think it opportune that the parents themselves prudently and decently explain those things which younger persons may legitimately desire to know about these matters, lest perhaps they seek this from companions, who by depraved counsels and depraved examples can lead them to venereal acts. Parents, however, will opportunely adapt answers and counsels to the character of the young, not explaining all things at once, but little by little, adding that they are ready to answer honorably their honorable questions, as often as these shall have noticed something unusual.¹ If parents fail in this matter, it pertains to confessors chastely and prudently to instruct the young, as often as their confession offers them the opportunity. In which case, at the same time they should propose efficacious remedies for resisting temptations, both natural and supernatural.

¹ Cf. Fonssagrives, Conseils aux parents et aux maitres sur l'education de la purete. Parents themselves can use books written on this matter, and imbued with a Christian spirit, e.g., Surbled, Vie de jeune homme, Paris, 1900; idem, La vie de jeune fille, Paris, 1903; Stall, What a young boy ought to know; idem, What a young girl ought to know, Philadelphia.

168. - It is not enough to dispute concerning the virtue of chastity and the sins contrary to it unless we inquire at the same time into the manner in which the virtue can be cultivated and strengthened, while the sins can be avoided or amended.

But in sexual matters a spectacle truly to be deplored is presented to human eyes.

In vain would we dissemble the most sorrowful facts by which the saying of the Old Testament already cited seems to be confirmed all too much: "My spirit shall not remain in man, because he is flesh" (Genesis 6:3).

And indeed:

1. In how many ways and with what incalculable frequency is the very sanctity of matrimony violated!

Whether, by a wicked crime, uses of matrimony are rendered sterile by art; or the faith solemnly pledged is broken and adulterous loves are fostered; or each spouse assents to the lust of the other and adulterous relations are admitted by mutual compact; or, when opportunity for legitimate use is lacking, a man is thought to be dispensed from continence as too difficult; or, impatient of the mutual bond, spouses attempt to dissolve it and to establish a sacrilegious bed: in every way sin is committed in the married state itself.

2. Who, then, can attain by speaking to the number, or to the various forms of sins, invented by a foul mind, which are committed outside matrimony?

It happens that from a tender age the law of morals is sometimes violated in many ways, so that there are some who hold the continence of a young man who is vigorous and abounding in strength to be fictitious.

3. It is useful to adduce these few, more definite indications from Protestant writers. Having heard many witnesses and comparing with one another the various investigations which have been made in America, England, and Germany, Havelock Ellis and Al- bert Moll ¹ estimate that more than 90 out of 100 men have indulged in masturbation at least at some time. The matter indeed seems to stand better in the female sex. The same authors nevertheless think that the abuse of the solitary vice before puberty occurs more often in a girl than in a boy; but after puberty, while youth is flourishing, young women are defiled less frequently than young men; while in adult age, since the opportunity of fornication is less frequently available to women, they hold it certain that the solitary sin is committed more frequently by women than by men.

¹ Cf. Moll, Handbuch, etc., pp. 618-619.

Nyström ² reports, according to Dr. Svenson (1896), that more than fifty out of one hundred young men who attend the universities of Sweden are affected by venereal disease.

² La vie sexuelle, p. 238.

On September 1, 1903, the Prussian "Minister of Worship" issued an edict in which, having considered the injuries which venereal diseases cause to health, and the manner in which, from probable documents, they seem to have invaded young students of the higher disciplines, he declares it greatly to be desired that those young men should be informed more broadly than before about these dangers and the means of averting them, the moral aspect of the question being in no way omitted. This would be obtained most efficaciously by brief, public, and common lectures, which would be entrusted to professors of medicine and suitable interpreters of philosophy or theology (cited in Moll, pp. 992-993).

These things can in no way be transferred to truly Catholic youth, especially if there is question of illicit relations with the other sex. But if there is question only of the vice of pollution voluntarily procured, the Catholic Dr. Capellmann ³ could write: "In the judgment of all, both theologians and physicians, this most pernicious crime has become frightfully prevalent, especially in our age.... Even the female sex is greatly infected by it."

³ Medicina pastoralis, on the sixth precept.

Although there is no doubt that not a few young people, indeed more than physicians think, and fervent ones at that, lead an unviolated life.

We have spoken of the lamentable condition of morals not with the intention that, with an excessively saddened countenance, we should judge human facts to be worse than they are (many who sometimes sin are nevertheless accustomed to conquer temptations afterward), and despair of the cause of chastity; but that we may prove and confirm the almost common opinion, which judges it to be in the interest of the state that we should think and deliberate concerning the art and method of amending morals; and that we should not proudly repel men of good will who write concerning the matter, attempt many things, and proclaim that the discipline of chastity must be perfected, as though Catholic families and schools had long ago cared for all these things in such a way that nothing better could be desired. But that we may endeavor to advance vigorously, besides the gravity of the evil, we are also moved by the various outrages by which, as we have seen, physicians or philosophers who rave audaciously today appeal to the very frailty of men in order to detract from the most sacred laws of matrimony and chastity and to thrust their counterfeit reform upon the imprudent. And it is greatly to be deplored that, even today, many are found among Catholic writers who, not yet having grasped the necessity of constant progress and paying too little attention to mutable circumstances, are so deceived by a false image of the preceding age that they seem to think of restoring ancient usages as though of the highest social good. On the contrary, a just estimation of things and greater prudence demand that we be neither despisers nor excessive praisers of past time.

169. - Now then, we must first inquire by what better manner a man is to be led from unconscious innocence to a conscious and formal love and cultivation of chastity. In this matter not even infancy can be neglected, but prudent solicitude is to be exercised from the cradle to fully mature age.

Then it will be necessary to treat of perseverance in virtue, or of the custody of chastity in the married state or in celibacy.

Nor can the question of the restoration of chastity among those who have fallen miserably be omitted.

Wherefore we shall propose the argument in this order, so that we may speak:

1. Of preparing a pure life, where there will be discussion of the utility and manner of explaining sexual matters to the ignorant;
2. Of leading, preserving, and strengthening a pure life;
3. Of restoring a pure life, or of the amendment of morals.

170. - By the law of our unity and of the mutual dependence of our powers, we are admonished that not only the special formation of chastity, but also the more general education of man, can contribute very greatly to obtaining and preserving purity. Wherefore it seems that the more general rationale of preparation must be treated first.

St. Thomas himself, when he speaks of virginity ¹, exhorts us to attend in mind to three things in this matter of chastity: to the body, which, although extrinsic to virtue, can nevertheless, according to its various health and condition, assist or hinder virtue; to the passion, or appetite for sensible pleasure, which furnishes matter for moral acts; and to the purpose of the will, which is the formal and completing element of virtue.

¹ Summa theologiae, II-II, q. 152, art. 1.

We therefore distinguish a threefold object of preparation: the body; passion or sense; the mind.

The first preparation can be called remote and extrinsic; the other two are intrinsic to chastity.

171. - Preparation of the body, or physical cultivation, pursues the moderation of a healthy body. Wherefore it:

1. Strives to remedy every illness in good time;
2. Will provide wholesome food, in a sufficient but moderate quantity, and not consisting excessively of meat and sweetmeats (friandises), without alcohol or condiments which have an exciting power;
3. Will prepare the body to be neither delicate, effeminate, nor excessively prone to excitations, by neither a softer bed nor clothing that is too warm or adheres too closely to the legs.

4. It will take care of cleanliness by suitable washings of the body.
5. By honorable games and varied exercises it will procure moderate weariness, so that the imagination cannot turn aside to many dreams and sleep may seize the adolescent or child at once.
6. It will not permit younger persons to take sleep in bed after the midday meal, since this affords an easy occasion for temptations and excitations.
7. It will not omit to require an ordered life in which the hour of retiring and rising is fixed and play follows work.

172. - Sense must be trained to docility.

1. That this may be done wisely, it must be observed that at a certain first age, so long as a child is without judgment, he must be moved more mechanically, so to speak; but soon, as he gradually and imperceptibly becomes capable of ever greater deliberation, he must be formed so that he harmoniously joins his will to the commands and counsels of his parents, until he has grown sufficiently to have learned to govern himself by his own counsel along the same way of prudence, that is, to master his passions.

Moreover, certain passions are usually opportunely present from the beginnings of life, so that their discipline or restraint may prepare a general dominion over the passions.

For most children appear inclined to curiosity, gluttony, and anger. Therefore let them learn the art of ruling these passions both by the example of parents, who themselves seek nothing except what is reasonable and who moderate their own affections, and by their own exercise, according to the counsels of parents and teachers.

Therefore let parents readily comply with the honorable and moderate wishes of their children, but grant nothing to an impatient or angry infant or child, or to one seeking immoderate things; much less should they be foolishly delighted by the crying fits, angers, or desires of one who wails, or, more foolishly, stir up his angers for the sake of laughter.

But let them not omit to adduce reasons of both natural and supernatural honorableness why the passions must be mastered, in presenting which the differences of sex and of particular character are not to be overlooked. Wherefore this dominion of the mind over the senses should be exhibited to a male as a noble indication of manliness and a distinguished victory, but to a daughter rather as grace and adornment.

Moreover, supernatural motives should savor more of the love of God or of Jesus the Savior than of fear.

Care must also diligently be taken that erroneous dictates of conscience not be suggested, by which a beginning is given to an excessively anxious or scrupulous conscience.

2. Furthermore, let a child and adolescent not be ignorant, besides the art of a defensive battle, of the offensive art. Let him be taught to do or suffer unpleasant things. "To know how to withstand pain, is this not will, and will of the highest kind?" ¹ Wherefore, from tender years, let him know how voluntarily to abstain from certain pleasant things, and this for the pious cause of devotion to Christ, to His Mother, or of exercising mercy, so that he himself may thus experience how truly Christ said: "It is more blessed to give than to receive" ².

¹ Payot, L'éducation de la volonté, p. 171.

² As St. Paul testifies, Acts 20:35.

From practices of this kind let him draw the profound and universal persuasion of how much pleasure (le plaisir), by which only one faculty or part of man, and that an inferior one, is satisfied, differs from the happiness of the whole man ³; and in what manner, by a perpetual law, God, who made the senses not for their own sake but for the sake of man, has joined pleasure to a useful operation, and has commanded that it be sought not for itself alone but for an honorable good, immediately or mediately.

³ Hear that illustrious saying from the orator Cicero: "For it is not by cheerfulness, nor wantonness, nor laughter or joking, the companion of levity, but often even the sorrowful are happy through firmness and constancy" (De finibus, 2, 20).

All these things can opportunely be handed down or insinuated, both privately and in common, both deliberately and when an occasion is seized, for example, from school exercises.

173. - For the end which we now intend, minds are most especially to be endowed with these qualities:

1. Kindly courtesy and liberality, which remove an excessive pursuit of one's own particular utility (egoism) and subordinate one's own advantages to refined civility (politesse délicate);
2. The greatest cultivation of sincerity;
3. Confidence, resting upon the love and fidelity of parents;
4. That magnanimity which wills and hopes for itself a certain noble form and destiny of life;
5. Christian humility, which renders a man docile and, without rash audacity, permits him to become brave;
6. True and solid piety or religion, which pursues Christ and the Blessed Virgin with holy affection.

Concerning the fostering of these qualities, the following things besides seem worthy of indication.

Necessity of discipline. Since the use of the generative faculty is reserved to spouses, and since in matrimony itself many circumstances impose perfect chastity, or at least abstinence from the complete venereal act, even through long intervals, the necessity of an education which prepares chaste and continent souls must be proclaimed universal. And that it is done so negligently or so confusedly is greatly to be grieved.

But a more general and a special preparation must be distinguished. Each must be solicitous concerning the body, concerning the sense, and concerning the mind.

To this pertain the arts to be commended: that they procure a body healthy, strong, immune from defects which stir the flesh; that they snatch incentives from the sense; that they strengthen the command of the will; that they fashion a soul noble, generous, imbued with humility and Christian piety. Therefore there are negative parts, which ward off carnal stimuli, such as certain physical defects, sensual sights, filthy speech, vain loves; and positive parts, which truly affect man toward purity. Let the body be exercised physically enough that an honorable weariness, after labor not useless or unpleasant, may anticipate temptations; let intellectual and spiritual food be given to the soul, especially Eucharistic refreshment.

— You ask here concerning the usefulness of revealing the mysteries of life. A question not a little disputed today, and examined by us rather fully in On Chastity, n. 186-201, seems able to be prudently solved by these conclusions.

1. Neither is natural ignorance to be destroyed of itself, nor is artificial ignorance to be procured. And such an explanation of sexual matters must be given, not one which increases, but one which lessens, solicitude about sexual matters. Therefore it must be graduated and, insofar as can be done, accommodated to the curiosity or necessity of individuals.

2. That we may propose a few things concerning its individual parts: the explanation of sexual perversions is useless for the profane and easily harmful, at least for the phantasy of women. Nor does it help to explain venereal diseases before the age at which illicit commerce with the other sex is to be feared. There remains the process of generation with the connected phenomena. Concerning these, it seems that this must be said:

a) The revelation of the maternal office, of procreation from the flesh of the parent's body, of the long time during which, not without cares and inconveniences, the child is carried, then to be brought forth by laborious birth and nourished by maternal milk, does not excite the phantasy, and satisfies curiosity, since it furnishes an explanation which seems sufficiently adequate. Moreover it appears most efficacious for generating the very useful affection of piety. Wherefore to every son or daughter seriously asking, it can be given without inconvenience and with profit;

b) The mother should not hesitate to give the true reason of the menstrual flow which the daughter has experienced. But when a son asks about nocturnal pollution, either parent should say that it is natural. And the son is to be preserved from fear of disease, which is wont to depress the soul not a little. Having gained this occasion, parents will repeat admonitions that, even for preserving his forces intact, he should abstain from touches that are not very modest, and that if he should have any doubts about these things, he should ask either parents or confessors;

c) As regards sins, the confessor by prudent questioning or by the very indications of accusation, and parents by direct observation, must, as it were, accompany the pubescent child. If some suspicion of depraved touch or of a troubled conscience rightly arises, let them give him courage to manifest doubts, and admonish him concerning the obligation of chastity. According to the disposition and age of the child, they will see whether or not the intrinsic reason of the sin must already be explained;

d) After the completion of humane studies, a fuller notion concerning human generation seems generally to be given even spontaneously to those who are ignorant. The chaste young man is then at that age at which, his powers having been strengthened, that knowledge can be said to be harmless, while childish curiosity would easily suggest an attempt at experience, and at which it is fitting that he learn to pursue virtue with deliberate mind. Care must also be taken lest a chaste adolescent incautiously run into dangers, or be ridiculed on account of ingenuous and candid words, and thus be forced to act more timidly with companions, nor be able to unfold a manly spirit.

For girls also who, as they say, are preparing to enter the world, it is generally to be desired that, whether by the mother or by another trusted person, they be taught clearly concerning human generation. Moreover, it is very useful that, unless they have been given a higher vocation, they hear, even expressly, lectures in a higher school concerning the end, burdens, and sanctity of legitimate love. For not a few spend days in futile things, indeed in vain dreams and in dangerous friendships; others, modest and fearful in a childish way, others freer by inconsiderate familiarity, are seen; they begin to burn with imprudent love toward young men not very worthy, ignorant of obligations which perhaps they would have repudiated, ignorant of their rights, ignorant of the manner by which they may bear the yoke worthily and opportunely at the same time. Thence marriages are contracted which give modest hope of a blessed and Christian life. If a school is lacking, let books be supplied which explain the ends, dignity, rights, and duties of Christian marriage chastely and clearly¹.

3. It is sufficiently agreed that one must abstain from lies and that silly fables by which children are deceived are to be rejected.

4. As regards the method to be employed: a) certainly, concerning the merit and excellence of chastity, concerning the detriments of impurity, both physical and moral, let there be strong speaking, even openly in the school itself, in a sermon, in explaining catechism, or on another occasion seized. But with all Catholics and most prudent writers, we disapprove of a collective or common exposition of sexual matters in elementary and middle-grade schools of itself: both because that instruction cannot be adapted enough to the variety of pupils, and because it almost invites the pupils to discuss these things among themselves after school; b) private information, however, belongs to parents and to the director of the soul. Let no one else do this without the consent of the parents. But let private information be brief, simple, without apparatus, and let it avoid a form which would suggest phantasms less chaste. (Cf. at the end of the treatise n. 136). c) As regards vulgar adolescents, who are wont to be ignorant of nothing, these, even openly, in schools or patronages, are to be led on to considering higher things. Let them know how to flee depraved companions according to their powers, and let the good grow accustomed, by positive alliances, to aid the good and strengthen the fragile. Those who are found ignorant of these matters seem to be instructed.

This is the sum. For enlightening the mind, for deterring from dishonesty, for exciting the love of chastity, many things can be handed down openly, even in boys' schools. But the culture of chastity nowhere commands or suggests a public declaration of the mysteries of life, at least as regards the nature of carnal commerce and human generation. Nor do we place the hope of purity in revelation itself, as such, but we admit it as a part, not the principal one, of rightly understood sexual pedagogy, which proposes to assist adolescents by a more ordered method, so that more than now may arrive at mature age without moral shipwreck; and we approve opportune indications which: a) prevent the revelations of evil counselors; b) prevent young persons from carrying a soul troubled by physiological phenomena; c) turn those more exposed and more mature away from illicit commerce; d) summon marriageable girls away from the dissipation of trifles and dangers; e) introduce between parents and children a stronger bond of confidence and love; f) render conscious virtue stronger, and procure a better understanding of the dignity of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of the benefit of the Incarnation.

¹ To us the little book written by Françoise Harmel seems to be recommended: Une grave question de l'éducation des jeunes filles: La chasteté, Paris, 1921.

I. 1. Chastity, an acquired virtue, under the genus of temperance, inclines man to moderate the sexual appetite according to the laws of reason.

It is distinguished, not formally but materially, into matrimonial and extra-conjugal chastity; and, in a person who is loosed from the bond, it is brought to perfection by the purpose of complete abstinence, especially if he pursues angelic immunity.

2. Continence is either the pursuit of perfect chastity, or the persevering will of chastity in difficulty.

3. To chastity by defect is opposed insensibility, which declines the due use of venereal things; but by excess, lust, which is the inordinate appetite of venereal delight. Lust can be complete, or perfect, and incomplete, or imperfect. Perfect lust is distinguished into natural and unnatural. But imperfect lust has interior and exterior acts. Moreover every lust can be directly willed or merely permitted.

II. 1. The discipline of chastity, both the more general and the special, must be solicitous concerning the body, concerning the sense, and concerning the mind; it has negative parts, which ward off the stimuli of the flesh, and positive parts, which truly affect man toward purity.

2. To sexual pedagogy belongs a prudent revelation of the mysteries of life, not collective, but given or offered individually according to opportunity and necessity. Natural ignorance is not to be destroyed, nor is artificial ignorance to be procured. But in knowledge of the maternal office there is no slight usefulness for increasing an affection of piety toward the mother; just as there is to be dispelled the timidity or fear which the natural phenomena of the menstrual flow or nocturnal pollution are wont to beget in the ignorant. Care must also be taken that adult girls, by knowledge of their noble vocation, be called away from futile pursuits and loves.

II. But how can a passion so ardent be properly restrained? In particular, what can a physician do to prevent the manifold injuries which, if not properly controlled, it will bring to his patients? These are practical questions directly to our purpose.

The first requisite for all effective action is to have correct knowledge and strong convictions on a subject. No one will check a passion with firmness if he have a lingering doubt as to whether, after all, he is strictly bound to restrain it. As a man’s mind matures, at least if his mind be upright and not distorted by the strain of a ruling passion, he understands more and more thoroughly that his perfection consists and his highest interests lie in obeying at all times the law of reason, in maintaining his specific dignity of a rational being, and not allowing himself to be controlled by passion, the ruling power of brute animals. Besides, he becomes aware in various ways of the evil results of immoral practices, and he sees many reasons to keep his passions in check. But young people have neither such experience nor such information, and they are not always wise enough to understand the imperative dictates of self-restraint. And yet it is often in early years, while body and mind are in the period of development, that the most serious injury is done to the constitution and to the character by the indulgence of carnal pleasures. Habits are then engendered which become a real slavery; so that later in life when there arises a sincere desire to stop such disgraceful practices, there is a feeling of impotence to resist temptations which by one’s own fault have become a second nature.

What then can be done with the young? They must early and authoritatively be told of the wrong, the sin of base self-indulgence, and of every practice that leads to it. If a beginning of immorality is discovered in a child, it must be plainly told and emphatically warned of the serious consequences involved. The child’s mother is, as a rule, the best guide and director in infancy. Later on, the Doctor has frequent chances to do so; it comes from him with better grace than from others; and his warning is likely to be minded, because it is clear that he knows and ought to know what he is talking about with regard to bodily consequences. Yet it is always a matter of delicacy; and great care should be taken lest, while pointing out the evil, there be also a stimulus added to a prurient curiosity.

Much good sense is required in any given case to decide whether more good or more evil is likely to result from the warning; in doubt of success, it is better to leave the matter alone.

“Where ignorance is bliss

’Tis folly to be wise.”

The safest way of repressing the passion of lust is the provision that an all-wise Providence supplies in Religion, in which God authoritatively forbids all immoral action and even all immoral coveting or desire. Positive dogmatic teaching on this subject is required, especially with the young. You cannot argue with them on this matter as you can with grown people. That is one reason why religious teaching should permeate early education. The Decalogue should be the back-bone of a child’s training: and it should be proposed on the authority of God, and explained so as to check not only sinful acts, but also covetings, prurient curiosity, improper reading, immodest looks and thoughts, in a word, whatever paves the way to the walks of sin. The greatest of teachers has Himself laid down the law in this matter: it must be proposed as coming from His divine lips, as it did: “I say to you that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (St. Matt. v. 28). The lesson is enforced by these words of the^† great Apostle: “Neither fornicators, nor adulterers, nor the effeminate ... shall possess the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. vi. 9, 10).

True, the child will not realize the full import of such lessons; but he will understand it in due time; and already in early years he will be warned against indulging his nascent passions. It is well that the conscience should be early awakened in this matter; for the more this passion is indulged, the more it craves for further indulgence till it becomes almost uncontrollable.

IV. Especially as to education. Since the younger, like soft wax, receive any distinct impressions, it is of the greatest interest that already from tender years they learn how highly they ought to value purity of body and soul, and therefore with how great a horror they ought to flee whatever smells of impurity. Therefore let them be taught with how great reverence they ought to treat their own body, which is the instrument of the soul in acting, and belongs to the proper dominion of the whole Trinity, as created by the Father, the supreme Lord; redeemed by the Son and joined to him as a member; consecrated by the Holy Spirit as his temple. Therefore let them be conscious that they cannot use according to whim a body over which they do not have dominion, but only according to God's good pleasure, and therefore that sensual looks and touches are to be avoided, and nothing is to be done privately which they would be ashamed to do before parents and honorable persons. Therefore let nothing be said or done before them which can excite morbid and dangerous curiosity; for they attend to these things while they seem distracted by other things; what they see they desire to imitate; what excites curiosity they carefully investigate. Yet not all things should be mysteriously kept silent from false shame, or explained by fictitious interpretations, as if those things which are honorable were sins. Thus, for example, even to the younger let it be said that God gives children to parents as the blessing or fruit of their union.

Especially:

a. In tender age, care must be taken lest nurses, servants, and others conversing with children say or do anything indecorous which can cast an impure thought into their minds; for some still innocent have been corrupted by the depraved conversations or examples of servants. Boys and girls should not sleep in the same room, and especially not in the same bed, unless perhaps they are very little; indeed each one should have a separate bed. They should learn to lie down with hands placed upon the sheets or under the head, or even joined in the form of a cross. Chastity should be said to be required of them by natural decency, since the genitals serve, or are found nearer, the lower functions, whence nature for both inspires the same care of bodily purity; yet let it be added that this is pleasing to God. Defects and sins should be corrected immediately without exaggeration of culpability.

b. When they have become pubescent and have experienced depraved motions in themselves, it seems opportune that the parents themselves prudently and decently explain what the younger legitimately desire to know concerning these matters, lest perhaps they ask this from companions who by depraved counsels and depraved examples can lead them to dishonorable things. To young men let it be said that nocturnal pollution is natural, but is not to be procured lest strength be lost, and that this is prohibited by God. To girls who suffer menstruation let the cause of the phenomenon be explained. But parents will opportunely accommodate their responses to the disposition of the children, not explaining all things at once, but instructing them little by little and by degrees, adding that they are ready to answer their honorable questions whenever they have noticed something unaccustomed. To all, it can rather easily be revealed without inconvenience what the maternal function is, namely procreation from the flesh of the mother, the long time during which not without cares and inconveniences the offspring is borne in the womb, at the end of which it must be brought forth by laborious birth and nourished by maternal milk. For this does not excite the imagination and provides a sufficiently adequate explanation, indeed also confers utility for increasing the affection of piety toward the mother, while the father can be regarded more as head and providence and guardian of mother and offspring. On the contrary, the function of the father in generation itself and conjugal copulation does not seem to be revealed, unless a special opportunity or necessity is given. But if parents fail in this matter, it pertains to teachers and rectors, and if these fail, to the confessor, for young men, to instruct them, not collectively together, but each one privately according to various necessity. Yet all these should place the moral and supernatural aspect in the light, and at the same time propose efficacious remedies for resisting temptations; for knowledge does not suffice for cultivating virtue, but the supernatural motive and the grace of God.

c. When they have become older, for example finishing humanistic studies, or exposed to the dangers of a great city, let them learn all things as to substance, not by collective instruction in schools, which cannot be adapted to the necessities and varieties of individuals, but privately and diversely. Then it will also be opportune to teach them about venereal diseases and the harmful effects of lust. Ignorance concerning a determined point is to be dispelled when, for someone, it is more dangerous or worse than knowledge; on the contrary, if knowledge would harm more, he will generally be left in ignorance.

And so instruction concerning the transmission of life should be done not publicly but privately, not collectively but individually, not at once completely but by degrees:⁴ let it be brief, dignified, and simple, not with apparatus and solemnity, or a form which would suggest less chaste phantasms; nor should it be held merely natural and intellectual, as if the very knowledge of things sufficed for preserving from vice, but it must be first of all moral and supernatural. And let it always be inculcated how well all things have been directed by nature and by the Creator to the end of the creation of souls.

⁴ Conformably to the Provincial Council of Mechlin, n. 56.

Explanations will be opportune which anticipate the revelations of evil counselors; which prevent the soul in the young person from being excessively disturbed by physiological phenomena; which turn the more exposed and more mature away from illicit commerce; which call marriageable girls back from dissipation and dangers; which join parents and children by a stronger bond of confidence and love; which render conscious virtue stronger; and which procure a better understanding of the dignity of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of the benefit of the Incarnation.⁵

⁵ Thus Vermeersch, o. c., n. 201.

We do not append a specimen of instruction, because according to diverse circumstances it must be infinitely varied.⁶

⁶ Concerning these things these deserve to be inspected: Knoch, L'Education de la Chastete; Fonsagrives, Conseils aux parents et maitres sur l'education de la purete; Surbled, La Vie de jeune homme; La Vie de jeune fille; La Vie a deux, for spouses; Stahl, What a young boy ought to know; What a young girl ought to know; Ernst, Elternpflicht; Foerster, Jugendlehre; Sexualethik and Sexualpadagogik, translated into Dutch; Lacordaire, Lettres a un jeune homme; Dr Stephane (Lefebvre), Lettres posthumes a un jeune homme; Kraus and Gatterer, Die Erziehung zur Keuschheit; Guibert, La Purete; Gillet, Innocence et Ignorance: education de la purete; P. Guitton, De la Chastete; Francoise Harmel, Une grave question de l'education des jeunes filles. La Chastete; Hardy Schilgen, Im Dienst des Schopfers, translated into Dutch by Dieben; Jos. Konn, Auf dem Wege zur Ehe, for girls; Herman Muckermann, various little works, translated into Dutch by Henri Deshayes; Dr Deelen, Het sexueele in den mensch; and for parents these two, published by Katholische Schulorganisation in Dusseldorf: Die Erziehung des Jungen (des Madchens) zur zittlichen Reinheit; Hoornaert, Le Combat pour la purete; Vermeersch, o. c., n. 186 and following.

V. In the whole of education, however, let the excellence of chastity be extolled, whose special brightness and beauty shines forth in this, that the animal faculties and pleasures most rebellious to reason are subjected to reason (Eccli. XXVI, 19-20; Sap. IV, 1); and its importance shines forth from its necessity for human good. For:

1. it promotes the good of society, which consists in the propagation and good education of the human race. Now the immoderation of libido is what, from weakness of the nerves, renders people weak and impotent; it causes a tyrannical passion which in spouses generates onanism, and in those who have commerce with prostitutes, syphilitic disease. Besides, parents who are addicted to libido are found little apt for educating offspring;

2. it promotes the good of the family. For unless young persons remain chaste and spouses preserve fidelity, there will be no peace in the family. The bridegroom generally intends a virgin; if he finds her already corrupted, there will be place for indignation, which not rarely brings divorce. But if, infected with disease, he contaminates the bride, love is turned into contempt, and nothing will remain except a miserable life, with danger of transmitting syphilitic disease to descendants. When, moreover, adulterous loves or other base things are fostered, dissensions arise, jealousies, quarrels, indeed crimes and suicides. Besides, unless children are instructed chastely, soon they too slip into vice and bring shame together with sadness to their parents. But how will they remain chaste unless chaste education and good example in this matter are provided for them?

3. it contributes very greatly to individual good. In order that man may order his life rightly according to the principles of reason, he must tame the passions. But this passion of lust is especially tyrannical, blinding the mind and so invading, dragging, and absorbing the whole soul that we sacrifice all things to it. Therefore chastity, by which it is subdued, is especially necessary to each one.

When the lower powers, says Saint Thomas,⁷ are vehemently affected toward their objects, the higher powers are impeded in their acts and disordered. Through the vice of lust the lower appetite is especially intent upon its object. Therefore the higher powers are disordered through lust. Hence in the intellect there arise: blindness of mind, precipitation, inconsideration, inconstancy; in the will: love of self as to the pleasure of concupiscence which it inordinately desires, hatred of God forbidding the pleasure of concupiscence, affection for the present age in which it rejoices in pleasure, and despair of the future age, because while it is too much detained by carnal pleasures, it disdains spiritual ones. "The animal man does not perceive the things that are of the Spirit of God."⁸

⁷ II-II, q. 153, a. 5.

⁸ I Cor. II, 14.

Nor are those to be heard who say that chastity in every way harms, and advise pollution or sometimes fornication, asserting that semen sometimes must be poured out for the sake of health. This is wholly false: for part of the semen is reabsorbed in the body, which it strengthens and renders firmer in vigor; another part is naturally poured out in sleep without any disturbance of the nerves.⁹ Nor is atrophy of the genital organs to be feared from the fact that we do not use them; for without any effort they unceasingly continue to secrete semen, nor do they ever lose their function except by chance accident.

⁹ Hence Dr Forel: "The man who cannot procure for himself a normal state ought to be content with nocturnal pollutions, and the woman with voluptuous dreams, both abstaining from active and voluntary excitations," La Question sexuelle, p. 251. Compare Dr A. Scremin, La purita non e dannosa alla salute, testimonianza di medici.

Current teaching documents, such as those distributed by any number of episcopal conferences, would need some substantial revisions were they to incorporate the present position. The lack of any discussion at all about the marital debt is also a serious problem which cuts across many or even most national, diocesan, and parochial programs on marriage preparation, catechesis, and pastoral counseling; it is as if the moral obligation to give one’s body to one’s spouse upon reasonable request has been forgotten altogether.¹⁶² Finally, more directly addressing the issue of just motives for avoiding having children would also be helpful in these documents. ¹⁶² Of course, neglecting the dynamic of the marital debt leads to many problems within marriages, in which the debt is not always paid when it is due. However, presenting the concept of the marital debt to couples, including or even especially those couples who are relatively devout and have some interest in contemporary papal literature on marriage, poses the challenge of explaining how this is not “objectification.” Such people need to be helped to see that this is not only a right which is acquired through the marriage contract, but it is also a great help to one’s spouse, and the refusal of a serious and reasonable request can do immense damage to their relationship and to the soul of one’s spouse – for which reason to avoid paying the debt without a proportionately serious reason is sinful, even gravely, as all the classical authorities agree. On the other hand, the spouse should be free to point out that the debt is being abused, and that, while it is owed, it is in such-and-such a case sinful to ask for. Unfortunately, few contemporary voices which do address this topic do so with the subtlety required; a common mistake is the conflation of the use of the imperative mood (“do this”) with a strict appeal to one’s rights (“I command you to do this”).

Teaching couples about NFP on the parochial or diocesan level presents many challenges, and certainly it is difficult enough for many pastors and collaborators merely to make the case against contraception, let alone to make the case for the more rigorous doctrine espoused in the current text. However, there are many couples who, far from needing to be convinced about the evils of contraception, have the sense that something is not quite right with the principle of “free reign” to recreate sexually during infertile periods, just causes for avoiding pregnancy being taken for granted. These couples could easily see the need for self-restraint even within infertile periods to which recourse can legitimately be had for the sake of avoiding pregnancy. They would accept the suggestion that abstinence from relations for about a week each month does not suffice for a completely chaste relationship.¹⁶³ Many couples, it is true, struggle mightily to practice the popular doctrine on NFP and would be led to despair should it be suggested that self-control is necessary over and above what they are already practicing; other couples even less trained in virtue could be led to presume upon God’s mercy callously and deliberately commit many venial sins, creating a terrible spiritual disposition in them. Perhaps it is normally better to leave such couples undisturbed, given the greater harm which could come to them should they be led to fear the burden of virtue to such an extent that they give up on chastity, be led into presumption, or even give up on holiness altogether.¹⁶⁴ Confessors especially ought to avoid prying into this delicate topic in the hopes of correcting venial sin in this regard, not the least of all because the doctrine presented here is, while safe, not common opinion. Marriage preparation courses or retreats could be better forums to explore this topic with general and indirect language, i.e., “Sex is not something to do just for fun,” etc. ¹⁶³ Past disciplines popular in the Church prohibited the use of marriage on many days of the year – Sundays, certain feast days, Lent, Advent, Ember Days, and, of course, three days before receiving Holy Communion. This was formerly considered an appropriate set of boundaries in favor of prayer. ¹⁶⁴ This is in accord with the so-called “law of gradualism.” Scrupulous persons, on the other hand, should most certainly be advised in accord with prevailing doctrines on the perplexed conscience; no mention should be made that perhaps their motives for the habitual state of avoiding pregnancy or their actual requests for the marital debt are sinful unless it is extremely clear to the confessor or director.

Rhetorical strategies which use the language employed by St. John Paul II could be used to suggest that merely recreational sex, even if done for the sake of social or psychological goods, is actually detrimental to the relationship of the couple on account of a degradation of the meaning of human sexuality. It is to tell one’s spouse that in order to express one’s love for him or her, there has to be carnal union. While certainly this is one fitting and even important expression which can be virtuous, gratifying, and healthy for the relationship, rational expressions of love, whether by language or by willful perseverance and sacrifice in difficulty for the sake of one’s spouse, are objectively superior, insofar as these behaviors are specifically human activities, while sexual reproduction is something which animals and even mere plants can do.

And perhaps it is better in many cases, even in marriage preparation courses, hardly to touch the issue at all. Rather, it might be better to help engaged couples to see that children are a good thing – not mere burdens, not environmental or population threats, but also not a supped-up form of a household pet which one might have as part of a lifestyle. Putting the focus on the primary good of the sexual act is something which might effect more healing than is commonly suspected. We are designed to pursue the good before we avoid the bad.

Should a husband or wife find this rigorous doctrine on NFP convincing, that leaves us with the question of the other spouse: what if he or she is seeking to use periodic continence in a way one finds unchaste? It is not an easy conversation to have, and because of the uncertainty of the argument laid down here, one might lawfully decide not to have such a conversation at all and simply change one’s own behavior in this regard. This course of action – self-amendment without giving one’s spouse an explanation for a sudden behavioral change involving conjugal life – could be a wise decision, or a terrible mistake. I cannot possibly offer concrete advice about how to navigate the unique situations of all couples. What I can say is that adopting the change here proposed could be a good opportunity for a conversation among spouses about the meaning of their conjugal life, including especially the goodness of the children which they have perhaps had the grace to bear – or have the hope of bearing.

The question of “how much easing of concupiscence is reasonable in the context of NFP” has not been explored here at great length, as this is an individual matter and moves into psychological and biological science as much as (or more than) moral science – I will only suggest a review of the Church’s traditional exhortations and laws on the use of marriage on certain days to give an oblique indication of what might be a reasonable point of beginning to orient oneself around in this regard – that is, as a point of departure for self-examination.^{165 165} See the Roman Catechism’s treatment: “But as every blessing is to be obtained from God by holy prayer, the faithful are also to be taught sometimes to abstain from the marriage debt, in order to devote themselves to prayer. Let the faithful understand that (this religious continence), according to the proper and holy injunction of our predecessors, is particularly to be observed for at least three days before Communion, and oftener during the solemn fast of Lent.” The Catechism of the Council of Trent for Parish Priests, trans. McHugh and Callan (1923), p. 355.

Those inclined to scrupulosity ought to follow the normal guidance for people in such a condition (such as strict adherence to the guidance of one’s confessor, presuming they are not sinning unless absolutely sure, etc.) and resign themselves to the fact that they are not perfect and may not be so for quite some time, though they can be with God’s help.

St. Thomas, if he were to be persuaded by the recent magisterial literature and/or the manuals which incline away from his position, whether by their intrinsic or extrinsic authority, would at a minimum certainly caution against the indiscriminate use of and counseling towards frequent recourse to infertile periods, especially as an anchor for a healthy sexual dynamic within marriage. He would instead insist on the virtues of religion, legal justice, and charity as normative poles by which to orient married couples’ understanding of their sexuality. Religion, as part of justice, is the normal way St. Thomas talks about the marital act being virtuous: it is an act of procreation for the sake of raising children in the Faith to worship God; the meaning of Holy Matrimony, as distinct from mere natural marriage, is to create saints who will love and worship God forever in Heaven. Legal justice has the common good as its object.¹⁶⁶ The desire to produce virtuous citizens is an especially important intention for the benefit the common good. Finally, charity inclines the couple toward loving in a special way the souls which God deigns to entrust to them as parents, in view of both the natural ends of society and the supernatural end of Heaven. Couples ought to wish to be benefacted by God in this way, thus being able to return a special kind of thanks to Him, although they are bound to exercise due care not to overburden themselves by having too many children and thus be unable to provide for them well as to natural or supernatural ends. Both the desire for and welcoming of children can thus be acts of charity, and so too is the stewardship over one’s family which takes into consideration the welfare of each actual and potential child. All of these considerations ought to form a substantial part of marriage preparation courses. Above all, couples preparing for marriage (or even those who have been married for some time) must be shaken out of the illusion that their marriage is about their own existential fulfillment apart from the plan of God; it is principally about fulfilling God’s designs, both for the human race in general, and for the eternal community in the next world. Conjugal activity and children are not to be treated as simply “part of a lifestyle,” as they are gifts from God which are supposed to be spiritually creative in their returns. Shirking the gift being offered through fertility in marriage is, we may say, a burying of one’s talents. (Mathew 25:24-30) ¹⁶⁶ ST II-II, q. 58, a. 6.

Married couples are meant to give their lives to each other, to their children (including in having them to begin with), to the Church, and to their community. For those who seek their lives will lose them, and those who lose their lives will gain them. (Matthew 10:39) Such a context paves the way for the presentation of NFP in general, and it even makes the rigorous model laid down in this text more palatable for those who are only beginning to become aware that the world, and perhaps even some clergy and moral theologians, have misled them about the meaning of chastity and its relationship to Holy Matrimony.