Chapter LXXIV: Whether to Marry or Not

WE now approach a subject of the highest importance to the greater part of our working-girls, namely: that which relates to marriage, by which they attain a settlement for life.

I suppose almost every girl gives this matter a good deal of attention, as her future well-being depends so much upon it, and therefore I think it worth while to say something in respect to the way she ought to look upon it, and behave herself in regard to it.

Marriage is a state of life instituted by God Himself, for the welfare, happiness, and continuance of the human family. He has implanted in the heart, therefore, a desire for it, which induces the greater part of mankind on arriving at mature age to enter into it. Young men and young women seek for a congenial and suitable companion with whom they can spend their lives in comfort and happiness.

This state of life affords a young woman a permanent home of her own, in which she has a husband and children to love and care for. We must all have some one to love, and although it is true that the love of God is sufficient to fill the heart, and to fill it completely, yet God has willed that ordinarily the love of kindred should also solace us and make life more endurable.

Now, our parents, brothers and sisters, or more distant relations, do not supply that love which the heart craves. They either pass away from this world and leave us behind, or are taken up with their own affairs and do not love us sufficiently, so that when God does not call to a single life, a nearer tie and stronger love is required, which marriage can alone afford. God has said: “Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh” (Gen. ii. 24).

I am not surprised, then, that a girl should wish to settle herself in life by marriage. She may be happy enough, and well enough off, at the present, but she has to consider the future; her life in middle age and when she is old.

She may very well have a repugnance to being left alone in the world as she advances in life, and shudders at the dreary prospect. Or she may have a proper ambition to be her own mistress, the head of her own household, instead of remaining all her days at some kind of service in an inferior position.

Reflections of this kind naturally present themselves to her mind and induce a conclusion that if she finds a good opportunity she will get married, and I am sure I see no impropriety in such a determination.

Still, she should remember that there is an “if” about it, and the matter does not lie in her own power. She may never find the opportunity to make a suitable match, and if she does not, it is a clear indication of God’s will that she should not marry, notwithstanding she may wish it.

Remember the old saying: “Matches are made in Heaven.” If you are to marry, God will provide a suitable match at the right time; and if He does not, you are to remain content with His holy will.

From this I draw the conclusion that it is best for young women not to think too much on this subject, particularly when they are not receiving attentions which seem to point to an offer of marriage.

I do not see what good can come of it, and, on the contrary, a deal of harm. Thinking about it and talking of it will not bring it about any sooner. As soon as any anxiety to marry is perceived in a young woman, it produces a feeling of disgust in all who perceive it, and women who are supposed to be on the look-out for a match are commonly avoided. A natural modesty and reserve are far more attractive.

Again, you may become unhappy and discontented by dwelling on such thoughts. You become by them dissatisfied with God’s providence concerning you, and a murmurer against Him, and entirely lose your tranquillity of mind, without which you cannot make progress in holiness and God’s love.

But there is far greater danger — the danger of losing your innocence and purity of soul. The devil is ready to mix with what is proper and right that which is unfit and sinful. By dwelling anxiously on this matter of marriage and thinking too much about it, you expose yourself to very great danger of falling into sin.

My advice then is, that without thinking much about it, you commit the whole matter to God, begging Him to take care of you, and provide for your future life as shall seem most fitting in His eyes.