Chapter LXXV: Continuation

BUT, on the other hand, there may be girls who are disinclined to marry. They find themselves very well contented in the single life, and do not wish to change their condition. They dread the cares and responsibility which they know to follow from the state of marriage, and choose to retain their freedom.

Some may be influenced principally by considerations of piety. They see in the single life greater opportunities to serve God than they think they would find in a married one. They fear that they will be too much taken up by the cares of a family and not be so much at liberty to devote themselves to piety and religion.

As St. Paul says: “And the unmarried woman and the virgin thinketh on the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but she that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Cor.)

They bear in mind the examples of the Blessed Virgin and of so many of the saints who have consecrated themselves to God in holy virginity, and feel inclined to follow in their footsteps.

Now, I would advise these not to be too hasty in making a decision,- and above all to avoid anything like a rash vow or promise to God in reference to it.

There is plenty of time and no need of haste. Notwithstanding such feelings, you may not know your own mind or the will of God, and there is no need of entangling yourself by any rash proceeding.

I have known many, who seemed fully determined to remain single, who, on getting a good offer, have changed their minds and accepted it. If they had in a moment of fervor made any rash vow or promise on the subject it would have been a serious detriment to them, and, perhaps, been a subject of regret all their lives.

And, sometimes, God’s holy will may be different from what it seems to us at first sight. We have an instance of this in the case of St. Frances of Rome. She had a very strong desire to live the life of a nun, but her father wished her to marry and promised her to a nobleman of the city. She shed many bitter tears, but on praying earnestly and consulting pious and holy advisers, she became fully convinced it was God’s will for her to marry. She did so, and in this state of life she became a great saint.

Whether, then, you feel on the whole inclined to marry, or to remain single, keep perfectly tranquil, and do not let your mind dwell much on the subject, being ready to follow God’s will when He shows it to you more clearly by sending you an opportunity of marriage.

Then you can consider more particularly whether you should avail yourself of it or not.

In making up your mind you can consider, first, your own circumstances: how you feel inclined; your habits; your disposition, and other things which ought to be considered in your case; secondly, the character of the other party: his moral character, his disposition and temper, his ability to maintain you; in short, whether you will find it for your spiritual and temporal advantage to take him for a husband or not. Pray to God to direct you with an earnest desire to follow His will. After this, decide reasonably and quietly what you conceive to be best, and afterwards do not allow yourself to be troubled, for you have followed the will of God in regard to you, and could not do better than that.

In general, you are the one who will have to make a decision for yourself, as you know yourself and your own circumstances better than anybody else can know them; but it may be you have a prudent friend who knows you well, and whose advice may be of assistance to you; in that case it would be well to ask advice.

You know the maxim, No man can judge in his own case. If you suspect passion is running away with you, and blinding you to your real interest, the judgment of a sincere friend, who will not flatter, may be of the utmost importance to you.

Now, let us suppose you are one of those who do not intend to marry, who have pretty much made up your mind to put away all advances on the subject; you ought to regulate your manners accordingly. There ought to be a special reserve and modesty about you. To invite attention, to run about freely in the company of young men, to joke and banter — in short, to act as if you had no such determination — is to sail under false colors. It is to hold out expectations that you do not intend to fulfil. Let there be, then, a correspondence between your interior disposition and your external manners, that you may not lead others astray and yourself into a grievous snare.