Chapter LXXVIII: Of Mixed Marriages

THE question may be asked whether a Catholic young woman should in any case marry a person who is of a false or heretical religion. Cases may occur in which a really good and conscientious girl gets an offer of marriage that seems in all respects a good one, with this one exception — that the person is not a Catholic, and she is embarrassed as to what she should do.

A difference of religion between husband and wife is no doubt a great source of unhappiness in the marriage state, and a great evil. The want of sympathy in that which is the nearest and dearest to the heart must be a painful drawback to the love they should cherish towards each other, even if it does not lead to positive disagreement. The difficulties likely to arise in regard to the education of the children are great even if the father does not interfere. His example cannot fail to influence their ideas and conduct, and to put an obstacle in their way. On all accounts it is exceedingly desirable that a Catholic wife should have a Catholic husband.

But it may happen that a Catholic young woman may not have an opportunity to marry in her own religion. She may never have an offer of marriage from a Catholic who has the character and qualities likely to insure her happiness, and of course she cannot marry any one unless he has.

She receives an offer from a Protestant of good character and disposition, who is agreeable in all respects except his religion; should she reject this offer?

This depends on circumstances. In the first place, he is bound by the law of the church to solemnly promise you the free exercise of your religion, and that all the children of the marriage shall be brought up Catholics. If he refuses to make these arrangements, you are bound to let him go. You should not entertain the matter a moment; for how can you make a contract in which you give up a part of your duty to God? You are bound to see that your children are educated in the one true faith — and there can be but one — and you have no right to place them in circumstances which expose them to the risk of losing it.

Here is a case for showing your true Christian principles and courage. You may have to sacrifice your inclination, or, in a degree, your worldly prospects, but the martyrs of old laid down even their lives cheerfully for Jesus Christ’s sake. Depend upon it, our Lord will not overlook any sacrifice you make for Him, nor fail to reward you abundantly.

If the person is willing to make the promises, inquire further whether he is strongly and blindly attached to his religion, and prejudiced against yours. If you find that such is the case, do not trust his promises. They will not be kept. Misery and ruin will follow such a union.

Do not trust that he will be converted. The prospect of it is too remote to build upon. The chance is that you will give way in a cowardly spirit and act against your conscience, and that the children will follow his example rather than your own.

There are plenty of examples of unhappy mothers who have dragged out a miserable existence during their whole life because they could not control their children, whom they loved so much, or see any prospect of their eternal salvation. Far better remain single than marry with such a prospect before you.

But if you see a candid, reasonable disposition in the one who solicits your hand, without prejudice against your religion, or at least without unreasonable prejudice which the truth cannot remove, and all is right in other respects, I would not like to stand in your way.

Be well assured that you are not deceived in these respects, and take time enough to make a safe decision. Pray to God for guidance, and take advice, and then decide the matter as seems on the whole the best and the most prudent.