I: The Home

IT is a very general remark that home is not now what it used to be. In country places and small towns, the home may retain some, if not all, of its former charms, but in the big cities it has lost much that made it “Home, Sweet Home.” Of course the home is what the members of the family make it. But the members of the family are frequently what circumstances make them.

In these days of movies, automobiles, trolleys, golf, sensational magazines, woman suffrage, and women in business, sport, etc., the members of a family are frequently not as closely nor as beneficially associated as formerly. Add to these disrupting influences the spirit of independence and license which the present age fosters, and you will not be astonished that the old-fashioned home is going, or gone.

This is not to say that all these new things are regrettable. Not at all. They are part of the onward movement of the human race. But in the transition stage, it is regrettable that the home is paying such a high price for progress.

For today the world has lost its head with its new achievements. Distraction is mistaken for pleasure, license passes for independence, boldness parades as confidence, recreation degenerates into dissipation. Moreover, in big cities, overcrowding destroys privacy. Modesty, the guardian of virtue, loses its lustre and often departs altogether.

Night workers, Sunday workers and shift workers make a continuous going-and-coming performance in many homes, thus depriving them of the possibility of family assemblage, one of the chief charms of home life, as well as one of the best bonds of family affection.

There is no use assailing these foes of family life. They have come to stay. Our business is to see what we can do under the circumstances to convert them into friends. For it can be done.

It is necessary, first of all, to recognize the altered situation in home life, brought about by modern conditions. The first step in the cure of a patient is that he recognize the need of a cure. If a man refuses to admit that he is ill, his ailment may get a death-grip on him, and then it is too late for remedies. We need to realize now that the home is confronted by conditions which are fast breaking it up. What are we to do?

When an army is confronted by threatening numbers, it draws closer together. Every unit feels the need of coöperation. Petty differences disappear. The authority of officers is unquestioned. Effort is unified. The result is that frequently the very danger of destruction is made the occasion of efficiency and victory.

And so with the home. Many things in modern life tend to disrupt it. Family ties are becoming weaker and weaker under the assaults of amusement, travel, bad books, business, sport, overcrowding, and the broad spread opportunity and inducement for dissipation. Against these foes of the home, the father and mother, as wise generals, must provide a defense. And let me say that the preservation of the home spirit will depend almost entirely on the heads of the family.

If a family is already grown up, and the home circle is not what it should be, I am afraid that little can be done. The battle is more or less over, and the army is dragging out a weary retreat. All that may be hoped for in such a home, short of a supernatural victory, is to save the remnants.

The time to safeguard the home begins on the very day of the marriage. Even before God blesses the union with a child, the home has been formed, and if its first development is not right, it cannot, as it enlarges, grow into the right kind of home.

How is the right start to be made? By living as God directs. Man and wife may soon be father and mother. Let them begin to lay the foundation for the family which God may enable them to rear.

The first requisite is that man and wife realize that they are subjects of Almighty God. They are not their own masters even in their own home. The Head Master of every home should be God. The home wherein God is supreme will be the right kind of home no matter what the environment or circumstances may be.

We must realize that we are made to live in this world but not for this world. Our life is a stewardship for ourselves, and also for those whom God entrusts to us. If we lose sight of this accountability and live merely for this life and to suit ourselves, our families will do the same. And in these days of home decay, no family can hold out against worldly assaults unless God be its defender and ruler.

Such is the basis of happy home life. To realize that we are placed on this earth to live for a certain time as God directs, and not as we please, is to solve the riddle of life, and to find the key to home welfare.

For God places us here for a few years to test us, to find out if we are worthy of sharing His divinity forever in heaven. He permits the ups and downs of life that we may show ourselves true to Him. If we prove faithful, we shall become, in the end, children of God. Knowing this, we can bear our hardships patiently, and enjoy our good fortune with measure and gratitude. In all things we can observe moderation. We will respect God and reverence His holy law.

Show me the man and wife who truly reverence God, and I shall show you the nucleus of a happy home. They may not be rich; God may not want them to be. They may not have high social position; God may be pleased to keep them lowly. But they will have the substantial peace which comes from knowing that they are friends of God, and that whenever He calls them, they are ready to meet Him as friends dear to Him. The man and wife living thus are safe and secure amid all the dangers of modern life. If their children are brought up with the same respect for God, they will be good sons and daughters, no matter what their environment.

The trouble with some families is that the parents do not respect God or each other, and in consequence the children do not respect their parents. If little ones are brought up from the very beginning to love God and obey Him, they will also love and obey their parents.

Nowadays, when, on account of business and the customs of society, children are left so much to themselves, it is very essential that they have within themselves a safeguard for virtue and a motive for devotion to the family. It is simply impossible, except in isolated cases, to make people virtuous or devoted by worldly means. The world is essentially selfish, and worldly motives will make people virtuous and devoted only so long and in so much as it profits them to be so. Virtue and family welfare demand sacrifice. The greatest incentive to sacrifice in the whole world is love of God.

One reason, the main reason, why the family in many cases is faring so badly at present, is that religion, outside our holy Faith, has lost its meaning and its hold on people. It is not the various new distractions and perils of society which bring ruin, but that these perils must be faced without the safeguards of religion.

Although the main purpose of religion is to bring us securely to our eternal inheritance, it has also this special feature, that it makes our journey to eternity a truly peaceful pilgrimage, and saves us from numerous disasters on the way. No wayfarer of life meets with so many hardships as he who leaves God out of the reckoning.

The religious man may and will have his afflictions, but he realizes that they are carrying him heavenward if he bears them in the spirit of religion. The man of practical faith knows that the cross here means the crown hereafter. Consequently his hardships have a purpose and a value, and this conviction enables him to go through life and meet its unescapable ordeals not only patiently but even cheerfully.

The spirit of faith will do more to restore the home to its proper place than all the countless means and contrivances which modern worldly-wise people can devise. Presently I shall touch on some very practical matters. Now I wish to say a word on basic principles. We must not expect the spirit of faith to animate the family unless it also dominates the parents. The realization that God is ever present, and that we may at any moment be called by Him to give an account of our stewardship, will make parents solicitous and children dutiful.

When parents have a right sense of their responsibility they will ordinarily have devoted children, and where children are devoted to parents, we have the ideal home. Bad environment and perilous conditions may put hindrances in the way of the home, but they can never disrupt it if true faith abides in its members.

What then will restore the family to its rightful place and condition? Principally the practice of religion. Not nominal religion. That often does more harm than good. Blank cartridges are of no use before an armed burglar. Nominal religion is nothing but a blank cartridge. Sometimes people who have a reputation for piety discredit religion by their conduct in the home. In most cases of the kind you will find that their religion is only nominal.

In the home where God is rightly honored, it is realized that children cannot honor God without honoring their parents, and parents will understand that they cannot honor God without respecting each other and living mainly for the children. It is easy to see that with such a spirit animating children and parents, the family circle will be truly “Home, Sweet Home.”

Of course every family will have its misunderstandings and annoyances. That is life. There is no escape from it. But the home wherein God is supreme will be able to meet these vicissitudes in a way that will make them a blessing. Some of the happiest homes that I have known were those where affliction had abounded; for the peace and comfort which God knows how to bestow on His own, also abounded there. If you would save the home, therefore, and have it the dearest place on earth, begin by putting it on the foundation of Faith. If after you have done this, the home is not what it should be, it will be exceptional.

We must not forget that we have not here a lasting city, but that we seek one which is to come. A certain worldly man has said that our home is our heaven. Our home may be very dear to us, but the best home will have many annoyances and afflictions to remind us that our true home is not here, but hereafter.

Sometimes it happens that there is serious trouble in a home where every member of the family is truly religious. God at times permits even the just to suffer in order to perfect them. Saints have had serious misunderstandings in the Church of God. We must not forget that a difference in point of view will align the best of people in opposite camps. This shows us that life is a warfare.

But it also shows us that we should be armed for the strife. If our Faith, with its aid and protection, does not eliminate all misunderstandings and other evils, how much would they be multiplied without this wonderful gift of God? The home, even with all helps which religion affords, will have its afflictions. But without religion, especially in these days, it is in imminent danger of disruption.

Alas, we see confirmation of this on all sides. Home for many people is now but a wayside inn. Seeking distraction constantly, without ever satisfying the quest, many of our young people today wear themselves out before their time. They leave the fountain of clear water for the polluted stream. Home, which for them should be the most attractive spot on earth, becomes merely a stopping place at which to put up until they can start off again to weary themselves in the way that gives no refreshment or peace.

I know that it will be too late for those who are well on in life to profit by what I am advising. The home, to be a true home, must be carefully built from the foundation up. We cannot be indifferent for years, and then, when we find we have no home, expect to make one. It is then too late. We may repair some of the breaches, but we shall rarely have a home that deserves the name unless we have started it right.

But to those who are beginning the formation of a home, to young husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, I say that the home is going to be what they make it. A home does not happen. Nothing in this world requires more careful construction. On a bad foundation it is impossible to erect a good structure. Begin from the very beginning. Make it a home from the start.

Religion does not exclude, rather it presupposes human coöperation. I shall therefore endeavor to help by setting forth some practical matters which have a very direct bearing on the home. I repeat, the home will be what we make it. Like a business, it may be neglected and ruined. Nothing takes care of itself.

The following chapters will take up in detail the factors which make for a good home. As the reader will perceive, the subjects are treated in a very practical way. Throughout there is not a suggestion that is not founded on experience. I feel certain that those who take these recommendations to heart and endeavor to carry them out practically, will find as the years go on, and they more and more feel the need of a home, that theirs will truly be “Home, Sweet Home.”