XIII: Amusements

ONE of the chief problems confronting young people at the present time is that of amusement. Parents also are frequently as puzzled as their children in this matter. Young people must have amusement. If they do not have the right kind, they will have the harmful kind. It is all very well for parents and elders to say “don’t do this” and “don’t do that.” Such advice or direction is waste of breath unless what they may do instead is also pointed out. It is not enough to forbid harmful entertainment; what is safe and profitable must be provided. Parents and pastors often thunder against unwholesome movies and dangerous dances. But young folks will dance and young folks will go to the movies. The thing to do is to give the young folks dances of the right sort, under the right auspices. Even now the world of entertainment, in moving pictures or other forms, has its good things. It is for us to be on the lookout for them, and to recommend them to others.

To forbid and forbid and again to forbid, without pointing out an alternative, is worse than useless. This is beginning to be realized nowadays. Pastors and parents everywhere are striving to furnish safe entertainment for the young. But there are some who have not yet awakened to the necessity of providing, but continue the old plan of forbidding. Such good people are astonished at the futility of their efforts.

I knew a pastor who entered into the social life of his people, encouraging good plays, frequent dances and “sociables,” and urging parents to attend these affairs, with the result that the young people of his congregation had so much wholesome amusement that they never thought of indulging in anything questionable. These entertainments brought the people together, helped to make them acquainted, enabled many fine young men to meet attractive young women of their own Faith, and the result was an increased number of good Catholic marriages.

How often do we hear a Catholic girl say that she has no opportunities of meeting Catholic young men! And time and again, when I have spoken to young men about marrying Catholic girls, their reply was that nothing would please them more, but that they do not have the good fortune of meeting them socially.

Many of our finest Catholic girls accept the eager attentions of men, not of the Faith, who recognize their sterling worth. Meanwhile, our Catholic young men marry girls not of the Faith, while all around them are Catholic girls who would make them splendid wives.

Let us be candid. Other churches can teach us a lesson in the value of social functions. With them, perhaps, such things are overdone, because they have little else. But one good effect which we might profitably strive for, is just this encouraging of friendship which tends to hold a community together. In our large cities especially is this necessary. It is almost impossible for young Catholic men and women to get acquainted in our city parishes. They attend Mass on Sundays and return home, and the people they meet are as so many trees in a forest.

Time and again I have had a young man say to me: “Father, I wish I could meet some nice girls of our Faith. I want to marry and I don’t want to have a mixed marriage, but how am I to get introduced to our Catholic girls? We do not have any social affairs, or anything of that kind to bring the young fellows and girls together.”

And I have had our girls say to me something like this: “You blame me, Father, for keeping company with a non-Catholic. But what am I to do? I never meet our Catholic young men, we have nothing to bring us together.”

It is all so true. In Catholic countries there are a thousand and one occasions for social acquaintance. But here, in this land of all religions and none, there are few or no occasions when Catholic meets Catholic socially. What is the result? Many mixed marriages and broken lives.

Parents should not leave this matter to the initiative of the pastor. They should get together in groups, of their own accord, and encourage home dances, good entertainments and plays, and sociability generally. I have known districts where religious blue laws reigned, and where, in consequence, the young people went to the devil.

Some people think that piety is gloom, and that religion must be stiff-necked. Our divine Lord did not think so. He worked His first miracle at a social gathering, and for the purpose of adding to its cheer. Piety means cheerfulness in doing good. Religion is intended to make us serve God cheerfully. Young people can be saints at a dance as well as at their devotions.

Proper dances and proper amusements call for Christian restraint and virtue. They may become the means, under right circumstances, of furthering God’s designs in us. The thing to do is, not to discourage or condemn amusements, but to surround them with Christian safeguards and make them as attractive as possible.

The place to begin amusements is in the home. Some parents create such an air of restraint about the home that the children, old and young, cannot get out fast enough. On the contrary, the home should be so attractive, that only occasionally should the children care to seek their pleasure elsewhere. Music, books, games, conversation, should be cultivated in the family circle. Parents should strive to make the children feel decidedly “at home.”

Some parents think that their chief duty in life is to recite a litany of “don’ts.” They are surprised that the children fail to appreciate this form of parental devotion. It is the doing that counts, not the “don’ts.” If the parents provide good home attractions, recourse to the “don’ts” will become unnecessary. In addition to home attractions, the parents should not neglect the social entertainment of their children. Visits to friends whose influence and homes meet with the approval of parents should be encouraged, and when friends visit our children we should make things as pleasant as possible for them.

Some parents embarrass their children by their treatment of young visitors. Very well. Let them go on doing that, but they should not be surprised if their children draw away from them and from the home influence. A mother especially should do all in her power to help the young people entertain their guests. Let children be strictly obliged to consult their mother before inviting visitors, but to treat even a child guest inconsiderately in the home does harm to one’s own child as well as to the others.

Of course there is a measure in everything. There may be excess and abuse in this matter of entertainment, as in everything else. But we should not set ourselves against amusement because of these abuses. Parents can best take a stand against the excesses not by drastic prohibitory measures, but by a heart to heart talk with their children. In this way they will give themselves the comfort of knowing that they have fulfilled their duty, and done their best in a very important matter.

Children sometimes break loose and run wild in spite of efforts of their parents, but they are much more likely to return to the right path, sadder but wiser, if their minds recall pleasant home memories. No care or supervision is ever entirely lost. The best efforts at times may seem to be wasted, but it is only apparently so.

In a thousand ways, and most unexpectedly, the pains taken with children will bear fruit. If parents do not meet with present success in their efforts for those dear to them, they should not be discouraged. If they do their part faithfully, they will have no cause to regret it.

With young children, boys and girls, healthy outdoor sports should be encouraged. Nothing can replace God's playground, the open. Why be afraid of a few bruises or scratches or soiled clothes? Some parents get into hysterics if a child comes home crying, and forbid the little one to play thereafter with those bad companions! Nothing could be worse. Parents should teach their boys and girls to give and take. Their health and development are worth all the bruises and tears of their growing years.

As children grow older, parents should keep an eye on where they go. They may thus prevent harm by anticipating it. When parents forbid son or daughter to do this or that, to go here or there, they should be sure beforehand that the prohibition is advisable and practicable. Then they should insist absolutely on its fulfilment.

Growing boys and girls learn very quickly whether orders mean anything or not. Many parents are themselves to blame for their wayward children. They command and threaten and fume, but never really insist on anything. Commanding and threatening talk is of little or no use with a boy or girl, a young man or woman. Action is the language they understand and respect. If a father tells them to keep away from such and such a place, if a mother commands them to avoid such and such company, and they do not obey, the parents must kindly but firmly let them see from experience that it does not pay to disregard parental instructions. What that action should be will depend on the character of the parents, as well as on that of the children.

As children approach maturity, they should be allowed more and more latitude. If they have been brought up properly, there will be little reason to fear that they will abuse their enlarged freedom, which should not be curtailed, unless their amusements are harmful, or interfere with their duties and prospects.

There is, for example, in some quarters, a puritanical notion that card playing is sinful. Card playing at home for amusement and competition in skill is a perfectly proper social entertainment, even on Sunday. It may be necessary to distinguish between card playing and gambling. Gambling is playing for stakes with the risk of losing what may be required for the maintenance of oneself and family. If a man runs the risk of causing his wife or children to suffer for what he may lose at cards, card playing for him is wrong.

To play for small sums, in order to add interest to the game, is not wrong. One may legitimately spend some of one’s money on amusement. The danger always lies in going to excess. But if we condemned things because of their possible abuse, we should have to stop almost everything in the world. Moderation is necessary in everything. A Catholic young man or woman should certainly be able to exercise moderation. Please do not understand me as advocating a form of amusement that is not in keeping with good morals. Card playing among friends for little or no stakes, can be an innocent home amusement.

Home dances, or dances in private halls, under good supervision, are greatly to be encouraged. Such parties can be very beneficial socially, for young people. If they have something of the kind to look forward to, they will have less temptation to go to questionable places where so many meet their ruin.

We must take human nature as it is, and conditions as we find them, and then do our best under the circumstances. Dancing is widely popular among the young. Dancing of the right sort is innocent and beneficial. Instead of condemning it fruitlessly, let us safeguard it and make it the means of serving a good social purpose among our people. There are bad dances, and bad effects from good dances. That does not condemn dancing any more than unfortunate marriages condemn matrimony. There are good dances with good results. We should encourage these.

Parents should endeavor to identify themselves with their children’s amusements. By interesting themselves in what the young people like, they can add to their pleasure and safeguard it. In these days, the more that parents share the amusements of their children, the better. It is thus that mother and father keep in touch and know just what is best to say and do on occasion.

Particular care should be exercised in regard to the theatre and the movies. One bad play may set a young person on the road to ruin. The theatrical business has many men of fine ideals and high principles in it, who seek to make the drama uplifting.

But unfortunately, some theatre managers have appeared of late who seek patronage by pandering to the passions and weaknesses of humanity. I know of some actors under such managers who have renounced large salaries, because they felt degraded in filling the roles assigned them. The number of vile stage folk is, however, great enough to supply this polluted kind of performance. It is not only soul-killing, but happiness-killing as well. The misfortune of it is that it parades under the name of art. It should be avoided as the plague.

In general, it is very hard to be specific in regard to amusements. But on one thing we can be specific. If we find that any game or diversion or entertainment is the cause or occasion of sin for us, we should drop it. If, after any amusement, we feel less like looking into the face of God, or our own mother, we should keep away from it thereafter.

The principal purpose of amusement is to give rest and recreation to fit us for the burdens of life. If we find that a certain recreation interferes with our duties, our responsibilities, our self-respect, we should let it alone.

Like everything else, amusement is a creature of God. It is intended to further our welfare here and our eternal welfare hereafter. And, like everything that God has given us, no matter how good, it may be misused. It is our part to enjoy the good things that God gives us in a way that will show our gratitude and draw us closer to him.

Not prayer only, but amusement in due season and of the right sort may help us to save our souls. Indeed, it is a form of prayer when we take it properly and with the right motives. By having reverence for God and His holy law in all that we do, we may turn to account every action of the day. Whether we eat or drink, play or pray, if we do it as we should it becomes a means of our serving God and saving our souls.

St. Aloysius was engaged at a game of checkers on a certain occasion, when he was asked by one of his companions what he would do if he knew he was to die in five minutes. “I would keep right on playing,” he answered. That was because he did everything in the right way,—the way that makes everything a prayer.