VI: Son

THE son to whom I am talking has passed the age of sixteen. He is beginning to feel self-reliant—I might even say, self-sufficient. Self-reliance is a good quality. Self-sufficiency, which the youth often calls “independence,” is its foolish exaggeration. Such “independence,” or self-sufficiency, wants its own way at every point. It thinks its own way of pleasure the main thing in life.

As citizens of the United States, we are among the most independent people in the world. But the very Declaration of Independence which proclaimed the men of this country independent of one government, declared a new government to which they were subject.

In regard to some things, we can never be independent. We cannot declare ourselves independent of God. We are always and everywhere His subjects and bound by His law. We cannot emancipate ourselves from the Ten Commandments or from Church law, as the Church is the voice of God. It is one of God’s commandments to “Honor thy father and thy mother.” Whether we are sixteen or sixty, that command holds.

What is it to honor father and mother? We know what it is to honor our country. Any word or deed which shows disrespect for country is a failure to honor our country. Any word or deed which shows disrespect for parents is a failure to honor them.

And God puts so much importance on reverence for our parents that He makes an offense against them an offense against Himself. A son who does not respect his parents will not have God’s blessing on his life. A son who does not respect his parents is only too likely to find later on, that his own children will not respect him.

The average youth knows in his heart that there is nothing worse than to show disregard for those who gave him life and cared for him during the years when he was not able to care for himself. There are many kinds of ingrates, and the worst of all is the ungrateful son. We owe more to our parents than to anyone else in the world. What ingratitude then, to repay their kindness and care by neglect, disobedience, opposition, and even defiance!

There is so much license now that the dishonoring of parents is becoming a menace. A Catholic young man is protected because his religion shows him his duty. Regard for father and mother is one of the fundamental points of religion. I suspect the religion of any young man who does not show the proper attitude towards his parents.

I admit that some parents make it very hard for sons to honor them. Mother and father in such cases must render their own accounts to God but their conduct does not justify a son in disregarding his duty to them. “Honor thy father and mother” holds in all cases. The question of who deserves honor as a man or woman does not change the son’s duty to respect, protect and help his father and mother. Leave judgment to God. There are very few parents who do not deserve honor from their children. They live altogether for their children’s welfare and even if there were no solemn command of God, a son would owe the greatest honor to his parents.

This honor is shown first of all by doing nothing which will cause them pain. If it is a choice between the son’s pleasure and their pain, the son should drop his pleasure. Even if the pleasure be legitimate for others, it ceases to be so for the son in that case.

A son should take it for granted, ordinarily, that his parents are reasonable. They do not profit anything by restricting his pleasure. It is because they know conditions and consequences better than he does that they tell him to refrain from certain things. As a rule they are acting for his best welfare, and if he disregards them, he will generally regret it.

If at any time a youth feels that his parents are wrong and that he is right, I beg him to distrust his own judgment and be guided by them; if he differs with them, he must still be respectful. Some young men think that they know more than their elders. They may be very bright, but they have not the experience of their parents. In any business, experience counts for more than anything else.

Besides honoring his parents by obedience, a son should also honor them by doing his part to support them. It is not a matter of choice but of duty, if his parents need him. Many young men nowadays spend all they earn on themselves.

Unless the son is a married man and needs his wages for his own family, he is obliged to do his part towards the support of his parents, if they need him. Who is to help them if not their own flesh and blood? Some day the son will realize this, perhaps. While it is time a young man should try to deserve to have good sons of his own by being a good son himself.

Even though a youth is not altogether directed by his parents in important matters, he should do them the honor of consulting them. The more he does this, less likely will he be to make mistakes.

A son’s main duty, therefore, is obedience to his parents, and contribution to their support, when necessary. Moreover he will never say to father and mother anything to make them think that he does not care for their feelings; that can cut like a knife. Until he chooses a wife, no one should be closer to him than his parents.

A son has only to remember how, from his infancy, father and mother have denied themselves many things and much pleasure for him. It is not giving too much in return if the son denies himself for them, and if he adds the love of God to his natural motives, God will bless him when he may have children of his own. But above all, He will recompense the good son forever, when he returns to Him, as we all must, to receive the just due for our deeds in life.

In order that we may understand how the Lawgiver and Judge of mankind regards the duty of a son to his parents, let us listen to some of His declarations as given in Holy Scripture:

“Honor thy father and mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee, that thou mayest live a long time and it may be well with thee . . .” (Deut. 5:16). “Honor thy father and forget not the groanings of thy mother: Remember that thou hadst not been born but through them: and make a return to them, as they have done for thee” (Ecclus. 7:29, 30).

“He that honoreth his mother is as one that layeth up a treasure. He that honoreth his father shall have joy in his own children . . .” (Ecclus. 3:5, 6).

“Son, support the old age of thy father, and grieve him not in his life; And if his understanding fail, have patience with him, and despise him not when thou art in thy strength, for the relieving of the father shall not be forgotten” (Ecclus. 3:14).

“Of what an evil fame is he that forsaketh his father: and he is cursed of God that angereth his mother” (Ecclus. 3:18).

“A wise son maketh a father joyful; but the foolish man despiseth his mother” (Prov. 15:20).

“He that feareth the Lord, honoreth his parents . . .” (Ecclus. 3:8).

By these declarations, God shows that a son cannot be acceptable to Him unless he honors his parents. He makes a son’s regard for his parents the measure of his love for Himself. He declares that His blessings go out upon the son who treats with consideration the parents by whom God brought him into the world.

Considering how God regards a son’s duty to his parents, how very foolish is it for a young man to be led astray into disregard for them by the prevalent bad example of those who have little or no religion or morals. Many young men nowadays ignore their parents altogether. God will ignore them. He has His own time and way of settling with undutiful sons.

All you have to do, in many cases, is to observe the career of those who have not honored their parents, and you will see how the curse of God has rested upon them. But even if they should go, apparently, unchastised for their disregard of their parents, God’s day of reckoning will come to every man in the end, and then the undutiful son will realize too late the dreadfulness of his sin.

Obedience to parents is not a question of whether we like it or not, but of our duty as marked out by God. A citizen may not like certain laws, but that does not exempt him from observing them. Parental authority is a legitimate authority, sanctioned by God Himself. While a man is under his father’s roof, he owes his parents honor and obedience. And, at home or abroad, he owes them consideration always.

As a son approaches manhood, he may have, of course, more and more latitude. Wise parents realize this. But no son ever has a latitude that will justify him in being disrespectful to them. A young man may at times forget himself and cause his parents sorrow, but he will, if he is a good son, know how to repair the mischief, and take the sting from the pain.

A young man may honestly differ with his parents on some point or other. But he will, if a good son, know how to differ without disrespect. An honest difference of opinion, expressed in a dutiful way, never detracts from due honor. It is difficult to say in some cases whether or not a son is justified in going against his parents. But it is not difficult to say that he does wrong if he does not take his stand with all due respect and reverence. There is a way of differing and showing honor, as there is a way of agreeing and showing dishonor.

The good son, in all he does, will be guided by the desire never to inflict pain on his parents. Acting on this principle, for the love of God, the Catholic son will be a joy to those who gave him life, and will merit God’s blessing on his days here and hereafter.

A young man can have no greater distinction in this world than that of being a good son. People generally have the greatest admiration for the man who reverences his parents. No matter what success or position a man achieves in life, if he has not been a good son, he is a failure. Hereafter he will be rejected by the Father of us all if here he rejects His ordinances in regard to father and mother.

The young man who is true to his Catholic faith will be true to his parents and pleasing to God. Many young men in these days have cast aside religion. Such men go the way of their passions, which is always a selfish way.

It is the selfish young man who is disrespectful to his parents. Selfishness makes him consider only himself. Sad is the ending of such a one. The man who lives for himself, gets in the end nothing but misery. Even if there were no future life, the selfish man, the one who is always looking out for himself and overlooking the feelings and rights of others, tends to be solitary and despised and disgruntled and morally bankrupt. That is his fate here, usually. What it is hereafter, we may judge from the fact that in seeking himself, he has strayed from honor, virtue and God.

There are, I am ashamed to say, some young men nowadays who treat their parents with less regard and consideration than they do strangers. They literally break their parents’ hearts. In some cases, a father even banishes a son from home on account of his disrespectful conduct. Or, not infrequently the pleading of a mother saves the son from such disgrace. If a young man knew what it costs a father to forbid him his presence, he would die rather than oblige him to take such extreme measures.

Some young men keep late hours, frequent questionable places, spend all their salary on their own pleasures, ignore their parents and in various ways, live as if there were no Fourth Commandment. They even add to their parents’ sorrow by not going to Mass on Sunday and by neglecting Holy Communion. I may say that, in many cases, it is neglect of church that has caused them to turn out such ingrates.

Such sons are inviting God’s judgments upon themselves. They are the young men who become the undesirables and wrecks of society. We cannot trifle with God and His laws. In His own time and way, He will show that if we disregard His ordinances, He will strike us dreadfully in His just indignation.

I am speaking very plainly on this point because I know that many young men at the present time are a scandal to Christianity by their conduct in the home. If you had seen the fathers and mothers whom I have beheld, broken-hearted on account of the waywardness of their children, you would understand why it is that so many of the young men of our day meet with failure and ruin. They have disregarded their parents, and God has abandoned them.

God does not always chastise ungrateful and disrespectful sons in this life. But this I will say, —He does not bless them, and without His blessing, a young man cannot have any real success in life. He may have a superficial prosperity, but it will never truly benefit him or his.

Thank God, the Catholic son who is faithful to his religion need have no fear of ever transgressing seriously in regard to his duty to his parents. The natural instinct of a son to love and honor his parents is fortified by the command of God and the example of Jesus Christ.

The Catholic son knows that, in obeying and reverencing his parents, he is performing an act of religion as well as of filial duty. He knows that every word or deed of his which tends to make his parents happy also rejoices the heart of God. That is why people are so frequently edified by the good Catholic son. That is why, in these days of irreligion, when so many young men slight their parents or treat them disdainfully, the Catholic young man, true to his Faith, reverences father and mother.

Show me the Catholic man who does not honor his parents, and I will show you a man whose Faith is dead or dying. A Catholic cannot go to the Sacraments and continue to despise God’s ordinances in regard to parents. I am not now speaking of the occasional lapses into which the best of us may fall, but of that state of habitual contempt and defiance which characterizes some sons in their intercourse with father or mother.

If young men understand aright and practise their religion, they will find that their filial and every other duty will be not only tolerable but agreeable. If they have home troubles which make their position as sons difficult, their religion will show them how to meet them, bravely and cheerfully. But their religion must be real, not merely nominal. Nominal religion is as serviceable as an engine without fuel.

Too many young men today have a religion that is nominal only. The commandment to honor father and mother is so disgracefully violated these days because many of the present generation have turned away from God, and in so doing, have turned away from natural virtue as well. For it is against nature to show contempt for those who gave us life.

Frequently, the penalty for rejecting God is to become a victim of sins against nature. Our nature is from God, and if we are not faithful to Him, He may let us degenerate into offenders against nature, as well as against God.

The Catholic son is, therefore, greatly blessed in his religion, if only he live up to it. The young man of today is in danger of going with the crowd. But the crowd will avail him little when he stands in judgment before the Son of God. Evil associates, no matter how many they may be, will not justify us before a worldly tribunal. Neither will a crowd save us when we appear before the eternal Judge.

If we live for that judgment, we shall live well. By living for that judgment, heaven and its blessedness will surely be ours.