VII: Daughter

NEXT to mother, there is no word which recalls all that is hallowed so much as daughter. Whether it be parents who speak of her as their child, or brothers who call her sister, the daughter is one of God’s special gifts and blessings to mankind.

The fathers and brothers who have been inspired or reclaimed by daughter or sister are legion. The mothers whose hours and cares have been lightened by a devoted daughter are beyond number. The devotion and sacrifice of the daughter for parents and brothers are proverbial. Next to a mother, the heart of the daughter reminds us most of the Heart of Christ.

It seems hardly necessary to say any words of advice to the Catholic daughter. Her devotion to family and Faith make us almost prefer to learn from her rather than to instruct her. Bowing down in respect and reverence, we offer her our gratitude for the example and inspiration she has been to us.

The Catholic daughter has indeed been one of the greatest glories of the Church, as well as of the Christian family. The heroism and sacrifice displayed by her in the home, and in work for God’s needy ones elsewhere, have endeared her to the most callous. Catholic daughters have a wonderful power of making the world happier and better, and, thank God, they have exerted it most generously.

The daughter’s first field of operation is the home, and her first duty is to her parents. Nothing except a spiritual call from God should be permitted to take permanent precedence of home duties. And what a beautiful field she has for her activities! She has it in her power to be the greatest comfort to father and mother. That in itself must be a wonderful joy to a nature so exquisitely good as hers. Also, she has an influence over her brothers second only to that of their mother. Good daughter and good sister, what a career of usefulness, cheer and inspiration is yours! But what an opportunity in life has been missed by the girl who is not a good daughter! And generally, a girl who is not a good daughter has given up this wonderful opportunity for a bauble.

A young woman will never get the equivalent outside for what she loses in the home. If through frivolity or vanity or waywardness, she gets a little passing pleasure at the cost of turning her back on home duties, she is simply indulging in froth. If for the sake of amusement or sociability she disregards the advice and welfare of her parents, she is weaving a garment of unhappiness for herself. No young woman ever purchases contentment by having her own way against the reasonable wishes of her parents.

As a girl approaches closer to womanhood, she may more and more decide for herself in many things, but the more she makes her decision conform to her parents’ views, the more, generally speaking, is she consulting her own welfare. Besides, as a good daughter, she will be giving her parents the best proof of her love and loyalty.

Some young women act as if they owed neither obedience, nor respect nor submission to their parents. The path of these undutiful daughters is filled with thorns, and ends frequently in misery. A short period of what they call independence may exact a life-long penalty. Beyond estimate is the number of women who wear out their lives in wretchedness because they had their fling in youth. I speak of serious matters. It is easier to begin than to stop short and many a silly girl who preferred the attention and flattery of outsiders to the wholesome advice of her parents, has spent her middle and old age repining.

It is sad enough if a career is wretched even though one has done one’s duty. But when wretchedness is the result of one’s disregard of duty, it causes inexpressible sorrow. Disasters which occur to the girl who has been dutiful and faithful have in them the bright rays of sacrifice and loyalty. But the girl who seeks her own silly pleasure regardless of her parents’ prohibitions and unmindful of their happiness and welfare, is accumulating trouble for herself. And she will soon learn that the trouble which is of one’s own making is the hardest of all to bear.

Some girls fancy that their duty lies everywhere except at home. They flit about here and there, and have time and effort for everything except what their mothers require of them. The girl who judges so poorly or chooses so badly that she thinks everything is more important than her home, is just the girl who never achieves anything in life. Notice for yourself how often this type of young woman is not prized in her social set, nor considered valuable in her work.

Perhaps this type of girl thinks that by frequenting clubs, parties, and dances she will make some young man pay marked attention to her. But the thoughtful young man is too sensible to offer his affections to the girl who is always away from her home. These runabouts either do not get married, or they wed husbands of their own type. And then trouble begins!

Other girls are willing to seek their pleasure even in questionable places of amusement. Public dance halls and pavilions have lured many thoughtless girls to life-long unhappiness. Young women should know that men, as a rule, have no good opinion of a girl they meet in such a place. Even men who go to these resorts for purposes of their own, do not want to find their sisters or sweethearts there. A young woman might possibly make a marriage by frequenting places of this character, but the chances are that it will be a marriage which she will rue. If a girl, by being what a good daughter should be, does not attract a man, it is far better for her never to marry. The unmarried daughter of today can have a busy, and useful, and happy life. Marriage is not the only hinge on which happiness swings.

As a matter of fact, it is the good daughter that usually wins the good husband. She has the very qualities that stir the deepest feelings in a good man. The flashy, runabout girl attracts attention, yes, but it is not the attention which makes for happy wedlock. One reason for unfortunate marriages is just this license and vanity of girls, alas, too common at present. I beg of you, young women, to put your self-respect and dignity above a short career of amusement and vanity.

The good Catholic daughter who honors her parents and follows their advice is safeguarded against the risks of folly and waywardness. It is one way God has of rewarding the good daughter. The girl who flings reverence for her parents aside to claim her own way—harmless though it be at first—will find herself on a dangerous road. Before long she will lose control and then—the price she must pay for her waywardness is terrible.

Not the least of the consolations of a good daughter is the fact that she is making her parents happy. In their happiness her own becomes manifold. Devotion to them becomes a pleasure because she sees that their only thought is for her and her brothers and sisters.

But if she is not a good daughter! I dread to think of the consequences to her. Some girls break their parents’ hearts by their self-will and license. Eventually their own hearts are broken. But worst of all, they are living in sin. For deliberate misbehavior towards parents is a sin. A daughter who died in that sin would appear before God as one who had turned her back on Him in life. It is treason to God to ignore His commandment: “Honor thy father and thy mother.”

I do not speak of thoughtless acts of disobedience, sometimes committed out of carelessness, but of that downright insulting disobedience which some girls continually display. The good daughter will be shocked to learn that there are girls of this kind. The good daughter finds so much pleasure and comfort in doing her duty to her parents, she has so much dread of sin, that she cannot understand the misbehavior of the bad daughter. Some daughters are bad because they fail to realize the mischief they are doing. But you may be sure that if dishonoring one’s parents were not a dreadful thing, God would not condemn it so terribly.

In present times, young women are more and more drawn from the home by business. In many cases this is necessary. Modern methods have substituted women for men in many kinds of work and have carried woman’s home industries into the factories and shops. The effect has been a change in the manners and attitude of women. Contact with the business world and the debasing nature of rush hour transportation have tended to spoil, if not destroy that charm which we call womanliness. The new boldness and self-sufficiency are visible not only to outsiders, but at times even in the home. It is a great pity. Anything which tends to lessen the exquisite qualities of womanhood should be avoided by every possible means.

The good daughter who goes out to business will make special efforts to prevent the manners of office or factory from entering her home. Just because she has an income of her own and considerable liberty, she will not be a bit less reverential to her father and mother.

The danger to girls in the business world is that they may lose the reserve which is their greatest protection. No matter who the man or what the circumstances, a Catholic girl should never permit anything anywhere which may be in the slightest way against womanly reserve and Christian modesty. Fidelity to her religion is her greatest safeguard.

In all walks of life there are men with little or no religion, who are ready to do all in their power to mislead a young woman. As she values honor and happiness, she should make no concessions to these unprincipled men. If in doubt about anything, she should go, as a good Catholic daughter, to her mother or to her confessor, and she will thus avoid the pits into which so many fall, often, alas, never to rise again to what they were before.

A girl’s religion and her mother are her best friends. Not that I leave out father or brother, but there are certain helps and preventives which religion and mother are best qualified to provide.

A good Catholic daughter will find joy, too, in serving her home. Her love and devotion will not hesitate to take the form of house duties—according to her strength and time. If she is a real business woman, she will recognize duties at home which, for her own sake, she cannot afford to omit. Every woman is almost certain to see the day when all her knowledge and expertness at housekeeping and cooking will be a valuable asset to her.

The girl who marries, not knowing how to cook, will be a dreadful imposition on her husband, unless perhaps, she marries a millionaire. Many a marriage has been made a tragedy because of bad meals. And even the girl who does not marry, will need to know the art of cooking. What of the time when her mother comes to depend on her to take her place? Or suppose a brother turns to her for help when his wife has been taken? Every girl, no matter what her place or position, should know how to take hold and manage a home. I have known charming girls who considered it beneath them to bend to home tasks. Later on, as wives, it was a source of regret to them.

No matter what our station in life, we do not know where its ups and downs may find us ten months or twelve years hence. Poor food or badly cooked meals may be the opening wedge which will split asunder marriage happiness. A hungry man with nothing palatable to satisfy his appetite, is in condition to find fault with everything. And fault finding usually ends in family discord, and too often in disaster.

In conclusion, my dear young woman, I wish to say that your happiness here and your blessedness hereafter are bound up with your devotion and reverence for your parents. Your influence in the home and outside of it is incalculable. Indeed, it is not too much to say that society at large will be what you make it. If daughters were all they should be, the world would be a far better place to live in. A good girl is a good influence everywhere. What your influence should be in your own circle, you know better than I can tell you.

Leave other girls, therefore, to their own duties and spheres of influence. Your responsibility is your own. No one has finer opportunities than the Catholic daughter, and, thank God, no one, for the most part, employs her opportunities better. The good Catholic daughter is the pride and joy of her parents, the inspiration of her brothers and husband, and the best hope for a renewed world.