Chapter — Slater, Cases I
Case 3. Visitationes Sponsorum
Albert, a young Catholic, comes to confession and explains that he is betrothed to Bertha, likewise a Catholic. He visits her often and not rarely then sins by evil thoughts and desires; indeed, three or four times a week he has been accustomed to walk alone with her alone, when, he confesses, it has happened that he kissed her, embraced her, and sometimes touched her shamefully. When the confessor questions him further, he explains that these things have happened in almost the same way for a year. The confessor is placed in the greatest distress about what, finally, is to be done, whether he ought to prohibit the visits themselves, or whether it suffices to give some counsel. Hence it is asked:
- Is lightness of matter to be admitted in sins of lust?
- With respect to the unlawfulness of actions, does the same rule apply to those betrothed for future marriage as to unmarried persons in matters of lust?
- What is to be said of the case?
- With respect to the unlawfulness of actions in the matter of lust, does the same rule apply to those betrothed for future marriage as to unmarried persons?
Those betrothed for future marriage, insofar as they are not yet joined in marriage, have no right to sexual pleasure, and therefore they must abstain from it and from those acts which are proximate occasions of sexual pleasure, just as unmarried persons must abstain from the same things.
Nevertheless, they are on the way to marriage, which condition gives a right to honorable means by which mutual love is fostered and manifested. Hence visits, conversations, letters, as well as kisses according to the honorable custom of the place, and other signs of mutual love, are permitted to those betrothed for future marriage. If those signs in a particular case are proximate occasions of sin, an effort must be made that, with remedies applied, they become remote, and that the marriage be entered into as soon as possible.
- What is to be said of the case?
Albert is accustomed to sin by thoughts and desires when he visits his betrothed, Bertha. Three or four times a week he is accustomed to walk alone with her alone, and then to kiss her, embrace her, and sometimes touch her shamefully. These things occurred for almost a year.
The confessor must first urge the penitent that the marriage be entered into as soon as possible. In the meantime, there must be abstention from acts wholly unlawful, such as immodest touches, evil thoughts, and desires. The confessor cannot forbid visits and conversations. Walks of the man alone with the woman alone, provided they take place on public ways or with a female companion of Bertha added, could be tolerated because of custom and because of the almost insuperable difficulty of breaking them off. Albert is to be admonished to treat Bertha, his betrothed, with reverence if he wishes to find the same woman faithful as a wife.