Love, reverence and obedience owed to parents

CHILDREN owe their existence to their parents, and for many years, until they come to maturity, they stand in need of their constant care and direction. It is but right, therefore, that children should love, reverence, and obey the authors of their being and their natural guardians. This is due to parents from their children on account of the special relationship in which they stand towards them, and so, as St Thomas teaches,” there must be a special virtue which regulates the mutual obligations of parent and child. This virtue is called piety in Catholic theology, and it regulates not only the mutual offices of parents and children towards each other, but our duty to other near relatives, and to our country and fellow-countrymen. It is a virtue similar to charity, but it binds more strictly, so that while charity prescribes a general love for all mankind, piety obliges us to a special love for those who are near to us, and for the country in which we were born.¹

If, then, hatred or want of love for our fellow-men is of itself a grave sin, as we saw above, it will be still easier to commit a grave sin by want of proper affection for our parents. To show dislike of them or contempt for them, or to show that we are ashamed of them, will be a grave sin if our unfilial conduct is likely to cause them serious grief. In the same way, serious want of reverence and respect shown in word or action is grievously sinful. To strike a parent, or even to threaten to do so, will usually be mortally sinful.

By the duty of obedience children are bound to obey their parents in all that belongs to their bringing up and to domestic discipline. Sins of disobedience will be grievous if the matter is sufficiently important and the command is given with the serious intention of imposing a strict obligation.

Children are only bound to support their parents when they cannot support themselves, for whatever property a child may have or may acquire belongs exclusively to him. Among the working classes it is usual for elder brothers or sisters who have begun to work to throw their earnings into the common stock for the support of the family until they leave home and get an establishment of their own. This is quite as it should be, for the money which they earn is scarcely sufficient to pay for their own keep; or if it does more, there are little brothers and sisters or aged parents who are dependent on them, and whom they are bound to help to support.

¹ St Thomas, Summa, 2-2, q. 101, a. I.

The Virtue of Reverence.—This virtue is known in Latin as observantia, because its object is persons of authority, whom it carefully observes in order to revere their dignity and to learn their commands. It is defined as “a moral virtue which inclines one to render to persons of higher position the tribute of honor and obedience that is due their authority.”

(a) It is a moral virtue, that is, one concerned immediately with the direction of human acts. Reverence belongs to justice because it renders to others what is due them.

(b) The persons to whom it does justice are those of higher position, that is, superiors who rule over us or over others, and men distinguished for virtue, knowledge or other excellent qualities that make them fit to govern. Superior here does not mean that the person who receives reverence must be in every way better than the person who shows reverence (e.g., he who is superior in jurisdiction owes some reverence to a subject who is more learned or virtuous than himself), or that there must be inequality between the one who gives and the one who receives reverence (e.g., two distinguished persons of equal rank and merit owe mutual reverence to each other on account of the superiority which each has to many others).

(c) The reason for reverence is the authority vested in these persons, that is, the excellence of their state, which gives them a higher dignity than others, and their office of ruling, which empowers them to direct a subject to his proper end. Here we see that reverence is a distinct virtue, for, while piety and reverence are both forms of veneration, the motive of each is different. Thus, a child owes to his father piety, because from the father was received the beginning of his life, and reverence, because from the father is received direction to his end. Again, a subject owes the rulers of his country both piety and reverence: piety, as regards their relation to the common good and the nation (e.g., when the ruler is given his special salute), reverence, as regards their personal rank and glory (e.g., when assistance is given the ruler to lessen the burden of his office).

(d) The first tribute paid by reverence is honor, which is a testimony given to worth, and is offered to the dignity or rank of the superior. Honor differs from reverence as the effect differs from the cause, or the means from the end; for it is reverence that prompts one to show honor, and honor is meant to excite in others reverence for the person honored. The debt of honor is due those who are superior in jurisdiction, from legal justice; it is due to those who are superiors, but not in jurisdiction, not from legal justice, since the law does not enforce it, but from moral obligation, since it is decent and becoming.

(e) The second tribute of reverence is obedience, which is submission to law, and is offered to the ruling power of the superior. This tribute of reverence is paid only to one’s own ruling superior, since others have no power to impose upon one their will or precept.

Species of Honor.—(a) As to kinds, there is common honor which is shown to all and by all (e.g., God honors the Saints, and Tobias and Mardochaeus were honored by their sovereigns), and the special honor of homage which includes submission and is shown only by inferiors or servants to their superiors or masters.

(b) As to modes, there is honor in general and praise, which is a special form of honor; Praise is given in speech or writing; honor is shown not only by words, but also by deeds (e.g., by salutations, prostrations) and things (e.g., by monuments, presents, banquets, titles).

(c) As to motives, there is civil honor (i.e., the respect shown to the temporal authority of rulers, teachers, employers, etc.), religious honor (i.e., the respect shown to the spiritual authority of the Pope, bishops, priests, etc.), and supernatural honor (i.e., the respect given to the virtue of holy men). This last honor is known as dulia (service) when offered to the Saints who reign with Christ in heaven, as hyperdulia (superior service) when offered to the Mother of God.

Obligation of Showing Honor to Deserving Excellence.—(a) Common honor should be given to all who are not irrevocably evil and malignant, that is, it should be shown to all creatures, the damned excepted. For, as was said above, there is no one who is not possessed of superiority in some respect, and it is even reasonable to believe that the most unpromising person is better than oneself in some quality or other. Hence, the Scriptures admonish us to honor all (I Peter, ii. 17), to be beforehand in giving honor to one another (Rom., xii. 10), and humbly to believe that others are superior (Phil., ii. 3). But in bestowing honor, while one should have at least in general an honorable opinion of others, the duty of external honor does not oblige at all times or in all circumstances; and the same kind of honor is not to be given by or to all persons. Those who show the ordinary signs of charity (as they should) in greetings, salutations, courtesies, and the like, comply sufficiently with the duty of common honor.

(b) Special honor should be given all those who have a right to it: “Tribute to whom tribute is due, honor to whom honor is due” (Rom., xiii. 7). Thus, rulers and prelates should be given the respect due their station, even though personally they are wicked, for in the honor given their rank reverence is shown to God, whose ministers they are, and to the community which they represent. There is a moral, though not a legal, obligation to honor men distinguished for holiness for their own sakes since, while honor is not a sufficient reward of virtue, it is a distinguished mark of recognition, and for the sake of others, since virtue in honor is like a lamp placed upon a stand and shining for many (Matt., v. 15).

Obligation of the Religious Cult of Dulia.—(a) There is no strict duty of giving veneration to the Blessed Virgin, the Angels, Saints, images, or relics, for absolutely speaking it suffices for salvation to adore God. But it is of faith that the cult of these holy persons and things is lawful and useful; hence he who should neglect it would not merely disregard the earnest advice of the Church, but he would also deny to God’s friends and heroes the honors they deserve (Ecclus., xliv. 1; Heb., xi), and would deprive himself of precious helps of intercession and inspiration. Some believe it is at least venially sinful never to invoke the Blessed Virgin, and surely there would be sin—and perhaps even grave sin, per accidens—if the neglect was scandalous or perilous to salvation.

(b) There is an obligation in performing acts of cult to make the veneration suitable to the dignity of the object (e.g., to the Mother of God belongs hyperdulia, to the Saints of God dulia; to holy persons is given absolute cult, to holy objects relative cult) and conformable to the laws of the Church (e.g., the titles of Venerable, Blessed, Saint are conferred only by the Church; public cult may be performed only by those authorized to act in the name of the Church and only by such rites as have been approved). It is lawful privately to pray to infants who died after Baptism, and, according to many, to the souls in Purgatory; but it would be superstitious to give to the damned or false saints the cult that belongs only to the canonized Saints.

25. Since children have existence from parents, therefore, besides love, they owe them piety. For as the love of parents is for doing good, so the love of children is for honoring parents, St. Thomas, 2.2, q. 31, a. 3, ad 3; q. 26, a. 9, ad 1, ad 3. But although love does not import honor, honor includes love, since whom we honor from the soul we also love. Therefore when by a sin of children only charity toward parents is injured, the only malice contained in it is that alone which is against filial piety. But if that sin has another malice against another virtue, then this new species is superadded to the former. - Piety per se requires two things, reverence and service, but per accidens help to be furnished, if they are in need. Hence it is that a sin against piety can injure both love and reverence and service toward parents; as, for example, if a son conceives internal hatred against parents, or externally by words or another action saddens them, he sins against love; if he curses his parents he sins against love and against reverence; if he contemns parents and the precept of parents, he sins against reverence and obedience. Another species can also accede to the species against piety, for example, if a son defames or strikes his father, he sins against piety and against justice. - Even at a greater age children owe parents love, honor, and reverence, because they are always children, those always parents. - St. Thomas, 2.2, q. 26, a. 9, 10; q. 101, a. 7; L. 333; C. I. 220; C. G. 371; C. H. 154; C. A. 144, 154.

26. From Sacred Scripture, in several places under grave penalties, love, honor, and obedience toward parents are prescribed. Eccli. 3:8, 9, 18; 7:29, 30; Prov. 19:26; Deut. 27:16; Exod. 21:15; Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20. - And this precept is also clear by reason; because parents have a threefold respect to children, namely by reason of cause, by reason of preeminence, and by reason of governance. Consequently children ought to love them as authors of their existence, honor them as Superiors, and obey them as rulers delegated by God. But this precept is grave per se. - "For among neighbors we are most bound to parents." St. Thomas, 2.2, q. 122, a. 5. The reason is that, as the same St. Thomas teaches, 2.2, q. 102, a. 3, the persons of parents are more substantially joined to us than any other persons constituted in dignity. For generation and governance, of which parents are the principle, pertain more to substance than exterior governance, of which other persons constituted in dignity are the principle. Besides, "the showing of honor or worship must be proportioned not only to the person to whom it is shown, considered according to himself, but also according as he is compared to those showing it. Therefore although the virtuous considered according to themselves are more worthy of honor than the persons of parents; nevertheless children are more obligated, because of benefits received from the parents themselves and natural conjunction, to show worship and honor to parents than to virtuous strangers." St. Thomas, l. c.

27. Therefore although love, honor, and obedience, as they are shown to other men, pertain precisely to the virtue of charity, observance, and obedience, nevertheless as they are shown to parents they pertain to the virtue of piety, according as it is a certain special virtue which furnishes worship and duty to parents as the chief authors of life after God, and to other blood-relations, in whom, because of communion of blood, parents are in some way represented. But only those sins bear before themselves a special malice against piety which immediately injure their person, or intrinsic personal goods, such as hatred, detraction, striking; not theft. Nevertheless, since a father with respect to a son, and the same is true of a son with respect to a father, retains his own right as regards life, reputation, honor, a son sinning against his father in these things sins at once against piety and justice. But secretly taking away the goods of the father, against the father's will, a son sins per se only against commutative justice, and per se is bound to restitution.

30. Now as regards love, one does not sin against it if parents are saddened by the manner of acting of children, when a just and grave cause urges that something be done, and it is clear that the offense of the parents arises from their mere moroseness.

But children, whether they are legitimate, that is, born in legitimate marriage from husband and wife, or illegitimate, that is, born outside legitimate marriage; likewise whether they are natural, generated from father and mother, or adopted, not from generation but from adoption, all owe parents love, honor, and obedience. But all owe love both by internal affection and by exterior work, also by furnishing them assistance if they are found in necessity, whether corporal or spiritual. For as love is contained under honor, so also the assistance of necessities is contained under the same honor. St. Thomas, Quodl. 3, a. 16.

31. As regards reverence, every irreverence and contempt toward parents, other things being equal, is graver than toward other neighbors, even relatives, even those constituted in dignity, because of the greater conjunction with them, which obtains the first grade after God, because of their greater dignity. But although, if children have injured the honor of parents, they ought to repair the injured honor to them by asking pardon from them, even before others in whose sight they sinned, nevertheless it can certainly be presumed, at least for the most part, where children refused to do this, that parents remit this obligation to the children, lest the children again incur offense of God and undergo eternal danger to the soul. Cf. St. Alphonsus n. 334.

32. Reverence can be injured by words, gestures, and deeds, namely gravely, even in those things which as regards others are light, provided that they are not altogether light. Therefore children sin gravely: by Words, by everywhere addressing parents harshly; or even by showing them no sign of benevolence; by calling them, when present, by contumelious words; or by cursing them from the soul; by Gestures, by looking at them with fierce eyes, by mocking and deriding them when present; by Deeds, by lifting hands against them with deliberation, as a sign of striking them, by accusing them of crimes, unless there is question of crimes pernicious to the republic, such as heresy, treason, etc. - L. 333, 334.

33. Service likewise is gravely injured by not obeying parents in those things which look to domestic governance and economy, or pertain to good morals, if nevertheless parents command seriously and in a grave matter; except the election of a state, the entering of marriage, the entering of religion, unless nevertheless parents for a just cause contradict children in this matter. Likewise a grave sin is committed by not acknowledging them as parents, unless this is done from a just cause and only by outwardly concealing that one is their son. But they by no means sin by fulfilling the duties of religion against the prohibition of parents. For as regards all those things which pertain to salvation, they "are immediately subject to God, by whom they are instructed through the natural or written law." St. Thomas, 2.2, q. 104, a. 5, ad 2. - L. 334, 335; St. Thomas, Quodl. 2, a. 9, 2.2, q. 104, a. 2, 5; C. A. 148; C. L. 142.

363. • Children are bound toward parents by a most special obligation. But three offices must be shown by children to parents under the title of piety, namely love, reverence, and obedience ¹. For parents have a threefold relation to children, namely by reason of cause, by reason of preeminence, and by reason of governance. Consequently children must love them as the authors of their existence, reverence them as Superiors, and obey them as rulers delegated by God.

¹ Love, obedience, and service or reverence, which are owed to other men from the virtue of charity, or of observance, etc., insofar as they are shown to parents, pertain to another virtue; because offices of this sort are specially owed to them as the authors, after God, of our life and education; and therefore the adequation of this debt pertains to the special virtue which is called piety. Yet this piety toward parents differs from piety toward God, which consists in the pursuit of interior devotion and pertains to the virtue of Religion. See St. Thomas (2. 2, q. 101, art. 1 and 3, and q. 102, art. 1).

Children must love parents with love both internal, following them with a pious and benevolent affection of heart, and external, warding off every notable evil and injury from them, and also showing them signs of external benevolence, and assisting them according to ability when they are placed in necessity. This is clear from natural law. Therefore, although our progenitors may have defects however grave, and in whatever way they may have conducted themselves toward us, nevertheless we owe them life and preservation, which is indeed the greatest of all benefits. Hence Ecclus. 7. 29, 30: Honor thy father, and forget not the groanings of thy mother. Remember that unless through them thou hadst not been born; and repay them, as they also did to thee.

365. • Children must show reverence to parents, both internal, namely so that they acknowledge them as Superiors and therefore also have reverential fear toward them, and external, which is situated in words and deeds. Hence Ecclus. 3. 9: In work and word, and in all patience, honor thy father. And ibid. 8: He who fears the Lord honors parents, and will serve as masters those who begot him. - Deut. 27. 16: Cursed is he who does not honor his father and mother, and all the people shall say: Amen.

969. Since parents act in God's place with regard to children, they have the right to be loved and honored by them, first on account of God, whom they represent; hence the honor rendered to parents is attributed to God rather than to men. Wherefore to them, as to God, yet in a lesser degree, love, reverence, and obedience are owed: love indeed, because they participate in God's infinite goodness in a finite way; reverence, because divine excellence specially shines forth in them; obedience, since they are made participants of divine authority; concerning these we must speak separately.²

¹ Mayol, op. cit., p. 478-504; Jaugey, p. 448-464; Ball. P., Tr. VI, n. 815-822; A. de Margerie, t. II, p. 138-171; P. Janet, op. cit., p. 143-236; M. d'Hulst, op. cit., 5th Conf.

² And thus we shall set forth the fourth precept of the Decalogue: "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee" (Exod., xx, 12). For, as the Catech. Rom., l. c., n. 4, rightly observes, to honor is to think honorably concerning someone, and to consider all his things of very great worth. The other things are joined to this honor, namely love and obedience; for he who loves does not always venerate; he who fears does not always love; but he who honors someone from the soul loves and reveres him.

1. On The Love Owed To Parents.

970. Principle: Children are held to love parents not only from the common law of charity, but from the special precept of piety.

It is proved. For besides motives common to all, there are certain special ones on account of which parents ought to be loved; for by procreating children, they bestowed life upon them, and with it all the goods which flow from it;³ by nourishing and protecting them they preserved that same life, often subtracting very many things from themselves so that they might provide for them; by education they cultivated and increased their faculties; in one word, whatever children have, after God, they owe to progenitors, and on that account they are held to exhibit special love and gratitude to them. In reality if God must be loved because he is good in himself and benign to us, ought not parents likewise to be loved, who, participants in divine goodness, have imitated his benignity toward their offspring?

³ "In thy whole heart honor thy father, and do not forget the groans of thy mother: remember that unless through them thou wouldst not have been born; and repay them as they also did to thee" (Eccli., VII, 29-30).

Wherefore in the Sacred Scriptures God promises all the best things to those who honor and love parents: "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long-lived upon the earth";¹ this longevity indeed was highly valued among the Jews. And again: "He who honors his father will rejoice in children, and in the day of his prayer he will be heard... In work and speech, and in all patience honor thy father, that a blessing may come upon thee from him, and his blessing may remain in the end."² Nor otherwise St. Paul: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest be long-lived upon the earth."³

¹ Exod., XX, 13.

² Eccli., III, 7, 9-10.

³ Ephes., VI, 2-3; see other texts in the work La Famille suivant l'Ecriture Sainte, Paris, 1881, p. 233-268.

971. It is declared. This love indeed ought to be internal and external at the same time, and consists in two things: to will well and to do good.

(A) To will well, that is, to pursue them with a pious, tender, and devoted affection, so that one is ready in soul to suffer and do all things for them. - Wherefore children gravely sin against piety who deliberately and seriously wish death upon their parents, or grave damage of soul or body, or rejoice concerning notable damage inflicted on them; likewise those who truly despise them, mock them, affect them with insults and words gravely injurious, or, without a just cause, gravely and deliberately sadden them. - It must be noted that hatred toward parents is more easily a grave sin than toward strangers.

972. (B) To do good, or to show parents signs of benevolence: (a) by a friendly and cheerful face, sweet speech, prompt service, and all those means by which tender and devoted love is manifested. Wherefore those who scarcely show a sign of friendship, but speak harshly or act imperiously, sin more or less, and often gravely.

(b) By assisting them in bodily or spiritual necessity. Thus, when parents labor under infirmity or old age, or suffer from adverse cases, children ought to visit and console them and bring help to them; if they are placed in poverty, not only extreme but grave, they are held to furnish the same food and other necessities of life.

So great is this obligation that, when parents are placed in extreme or grave necessity, a son cannot enter religion, even if he has emitted a vow of entering religion, but ought to remain in the world so that he may assist them, provided that there is no other who can or wishes to furnish this; for the natural law concerning the care of parents precedes an obligation undertaken by one's own will.¹ - But when he has already been professed in religion, he can and is held to go out from the convent for a time, even with the Prelate unwilling, if the parents are in extreme and evident necessity, which cannot otherwise be assisted, on account of the same reason;² but if the religion itself provides necessary things for needy parents (which is altogether fitting as often as this can be done), the religious ought to remain within the cloister. - But if the necessity is only grave, it is disputed; according to the more probable opinion, he is held, with obedience to his Prelate preserved, to use means by which his parents may be assisted.

¹ St. Thom., 2. 2., q. 101, a. 4. - Thus also civil law in most regions; so in France: "Children owe support to their father and mother or other ascendants who are in need... Support is granted only in proportion to the need of the one who claims it, and to the fortune of the one who owes it... If the person who ought to furnish support shows that he cannot pay the support pension, the tribunal can, with knowledge of the cause, order that he receive in his dwelling, feed, and maintain the one to whom he owes support" (Cod. civ., art. 205, 208, 210).

² St. Thom., l. c., ad 4, seems to teach the contrary; but there he does not speak of extreme necessity; for elsewhere he writes (Quodlibet 3, q. 6, art. 11): "He ought, as far as he can, with the obedience of the order preserved, to strive that by himself or by another his parents be assisted, if they shall have been placed in necessity." Besides, the Superior would not reasonably be unwilling who denied permission of going out from religion to him who otherwise would not be able to succor the extreme necessity of parents. Thus St. Alphonsus, n. 67; Jaugey, op. cit., n. 551; Ball. P., n. 148.

973. Likewise they are to be assisted in spiritual necessities, namely by taking care that they obtain all spiritual helps which they need, but especially that to those lying in extremity there be administered the sacraments and other helps useful for dying well. Likewise they ought not to impede them from restoring another's goods before death, or repairing damage inflicted on neighbors, or making a testament for donating something to pious works. - After their death, according to their faculties, let them take care that they receive decent obsequies and that the sacrifice of the Mass be offered for them several times: for piety extends even to the dead.

2. On The Reverence Owed To Parents.

974. (A) Principle: Children are held to show to parents special signs of reverence and honor, according to the custom of the fatherland and of their condition. - It is said special, because greater reverence, other things being equal, is owed to parents than to strangers.

This is certainly openly established from all the places of Scripture related above, in which the matter directly concerns the honor owed to parents. - This is also proved by reason: for honor is owed to those to whom excellence belongs, and indeed the greater the higher their dignity; but parents participate in the excellence of God in a particular way, insofar as they were cooperators of God in the procreation and education of children; they are therefore visible and living images of the invisible God, and their excellence is as it were a certain emanation and participation of divine excellence; therefore to these, insofar as they act in God's place, children ought to show special honor and reverence.

975. (B) They ought indeed to furnish this by heart, word, and work: (a) By heart indeed, by thinking honorably concerning them, acknowledging them as superiors, and conceiving a good estimation of their excellence. Therefore children sin who despise them, disdain them, or are ashamed of them, not wishing to acknowledge them as their parents; this sometimes happens when children are raised to a higher state, while parents live in poverty, but it is deservedly judged unworthy of an honorable man.

(b) Also by word, by speaking with them modestly and reverently, without any sign of contempt, and by saying nothing concerning them which can harm the good estimation which they enjoy among others. - Therefore children sin, and indeed mortally of itself, who deliberately affect parents with contemptuous, mocking, or abusive words, or in a grave matter detract from them, or provoke them to anger without cause; a fortiori those who curse them: "He who shall have cursed his father or his mother shall die by death";¹ "he who curses his father and mother, his lamp shall be extinguished in the midst of darkness."²

¹ Exod., XXI, 17.

² Prov., XX, 20.

(c) Finally by work, by greeting and honoring them according to the custom of the fatherland, and by showing other signs which denote the internal sense of reverence, e.g., by opportunely seeking and following their counsels, especially in matters of great moment, insofar as it can be done. - Therefore those sin gravely who deliberately strike parents, even lightly, or lift a hand for striking, although they do not in reality strike, or injuriously treat them. On the contrary, they ought to bear, conceal, and excuse with all patience, without anger and indignation, their defects, and also rustic, uncivil, or difficult manners: since they also once patiently bore the defects and rough manners of children.

The Wise Man draws all these things together thus:¹ "In work and speech, and in all patience honor thy father, that a blessing may come upon thee from him, and his blessing may remain in the end. The blessing of the father strengthens the houses of children: but the curse of the mother uproots the foundations. Do not glory in the dishonor of thy father: for his confusion is not glory to thee... Son, receive the old age of thy father, and do not sadden him in his life; and if he fails in sense, give pardon, and do not despise him in thy strength."

¹ Eccli., III, 9-14; read the whole chapter.

3. On The Obedience Owed To Parents.

976. Principle: Children ought to obey parents in all honest and licit things pertaining to paternal care, as long as they remain under their power. - Love and reverence are owed for the whole time of life, but obedience strictly binds children only as long as they live under paternal authority; therefore when they have now been emancipated, or have attained majority, or have married, they are now made their own right. Yet if they live under the paternal roof, they are held to furnish a certain obedience to the father, as head of the family.

(A) It is proved. (a) For Scripture often inculcates this: "Hear, my son, the discipline of thy father, and do not abandon the law of thy mother...² Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is just...³ Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is pleasing in the Lord."⁴ (b) And deservedly; for, if in a general way inferiors ought to obey superiors, a fortiori children ought to obey parents: for these, as God's cooperators in the procreation and education of children, participate in his authority in a special way, and therefore have the right of prescribing to children in all things which regard their instruction and discipline; for since the duty and office of educating and instructing offspring is incumbent upon them, by that very fact children are held to obey parents justly prescribing, as God himself, in whose place they act.

² Prov., I, 8.

³ Ephes., VI, 1.

⁴ Colos., III, 20.

977. (B) It is declared. Yet they are not held to obey in all things without any distinction, but only: (a) in licit and honest things; for if parents should prescribe something evil or less honest, e.g., to exercise vengeance, to pursue enemies with hatred, to provoke them to duels, or to steal and inflict damage on others, or to go to dangerous occasions of sin, etc., it would be necessary to resist them, because then they by no means act in God's place: "It is necessary to obey God rather than men."¹

¹ Acts, V, 29.

(b) In all things pertaining to paternal care; since the authority of parents is neither absolute nor universal, but is contained within certain limits, and is restricted to those things which regard the education of offspring and the government of the family. Thus children certainly ought to furnish obedience in those things which regard eternal salvation and good morals, e.g., when parents prescribe attendance at divine offices on feast days, - or forbid that suspect houses and dangerous gatherings be frequented, or prohibit immoderate games, certain associations full of dangers, entrance into taverns given to intemperance, and other things of this sort which can corrupt morals. In all these things, which are now forbidden or prescribed by divine law, there is probably not committed a double sin, one against the special virtue which is offended and another against the obedience owed to parents, unless the violation proceeds from contempt of parents; but the malice of the sin is increased from the irreverence committed against parents, and the young are to be exhorted to declare this circumstance, so that the confessor may be able to hand on opportune counsels concerning this matter. - Likewise children are held to obey in those things which pertain to the administration of the house and family, e.g., as to domestic things not to be alienated or destroyed.

So that a sin against obedience owed to parents may be grave, it is required that parents seriously and strictly prescribe, - that the matter of the precept be grave, with attention to all things, - and that disobedience be fully voluntary. Wherefore not rarely, from the defect of one of these conditions, the sin is judged light, especially when it is committed not from contempt or obstinacy, but from a certain frailty or inborn sense of independence.

The Decalogue contains a special commandment for children, namely, “Honor thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee.”¹ This precept was expressly re-inculcated by Jesus Christ: “For God said: Honor thy father and mother.”² St. Paul calls attention to the fact that this “is the first commandment with a promise” attached to it.³

¹ Ex. XX, 12; cfr. Deut. V, 16; Tob. IV, 3; Ecclus. III, 3, 5–8; VII, 29.—Cfr. Ehrlich, Randglossen zur hebr. Bibel, I, 344.

² Matth. XV, 4; cfr. Mark VII, 10.

³ Eph. VI, 1–3; cfr. Col. III, 20.

The precept to honor father and mother, therefore, is not merely based on the law of nature, but it is a positive divine law, given for the purpose of materially lightening the duties of parents.⁴

⁴ St. Augustine, Quaest. in Heptateuch., l. I, qu. 153: “There is also a natural order among human beings, that women serve men and children their parents, because here too this is justice, that the weaker reason serve the stronger.” (Migne, P. L., XXXIV, 590).—Cat. Rom., P. III, c. 5, qu. 2.

The term “honor”⁵ signifies not only the love which every man must show to every other man,⁶ but that filial respect which has its natural foundation in the dependence of youth upon age, in a feeling of personal inferiority, and in addition, that pietas which children owe to their parents as the authors of their existence and their educators.⁷

⁵ τιμᾶν, honorare.

⁶ Lev. XIX, 18; Matth. XIX, 19; XXII, 39.—Love for his parents is part of the child’s natural equipment and therefore is not particularly emphasized in Revelation.

⁷ Lev. XIX, 3; Cat. Rom., P. III, c. 5, qu. 7; Gury, Comp. Theol. Mor., I, n. 368: “Children are bound toward their parents by a most special obligation. Three duties, moreover, are to be rendered by children to parents under the title of piety, namely, love, reverence, and obedience. For parents stand in a threefold relation to their children, namely, by reason of cause, by reason of preeminence, and by reason of governance. Consequently children ought to love them as the cause of their existence, to reverence them as superiors, and to obey them as rulers delegated by God.”

The duties that flow from this virtue are three: reverence, love, and obedience.

1. Reverence (reverentia sive timor reverentialis) is a feeling of deep respect, mingled with awe and affection. Children owe reverence to their parents as long as they live, nay, beyond the grave. It should cause them to bear with their parents even if their demands sometimes exceed the right measure, to spare their feelings, and in their conduct towards them to avoid whatever might savor of contempt. Sins which are but venial when committed against others, may be mortal if committed against parents because they violate reverence.⁸

⁸ Cfr. Gen. XLVI, 29; Tob. X, 9 sqq.—Sporer-Bierbaum, Theol. Mor., Vol. I, 2nd ed., 793: “Every hatred, injury, irreverence, and contempt which is judged moderate or light toward another neighbor is grave toward parents; and that which is judged grave toward another neighbor is supreme toward parents (the matter of theft alone is excepted). The reason is taken from the order of degrees, because after God the first degree of union with us is that of parents, and therefore hatred, injury, and irreverence inflicted upon them is always, other things being equal, graver than that inflicted upon other neighbors, even relatives.”

Children sin against the reverence they owe to their parents if they deny them those signs of respect which are demanded by custom or treat them with indifference or neglect. Contempt, mockery, or maltreatment, which would be sinful towards strangers, are a much more grievous sin when committed against parents. To mistreat one’s parents or to curse them was punished by death under the Old Law. Reverence forbids us to reveal the faults of our parents. Children should not sue their parents in court, unless higher considerations of justice or public welfare are at stake, and it is a wise provision of the law which exempts them from testifying against their progenitors. The duty of reverence must not be disregarded even when it becomes necessary to treat parents with physical violence, for instance, in self-defence, when they are insane.⁹

⁹ Linsenmann, Lehrb. der Moraltheol., pp. 651 sq. Cfr. St. Thomas, Summa Theol., 2a 2ae, qu. 75, art. 2: “It is most grave to mock God and the things that are God’s (Is. XXXVII, 23); then the mockery of parents holds the second place (Prov. XXX, 17).”—Cfr. Gury, Comp. Theol. Mor., I, n. 372 sq.; Lehmkuhl, Theol. Mor., I, n. 949.

2. Children must, secondly, love their parents. This love is not identical with the charity every man must entertain for all his fellowmen, but a special duty, based upon the fact that children are indebted to their parents, under God, for their life and for innumerable material and spiritual benefits. This filial love should not only be deeply rooted in the heart (amor affectivus), but it should be manifested outwardly in acts of assis- tance and protection (amor effectivus).¹⁰ Children are in duty bound to support their parents when the latter become unable to support themselves.

¹⁰ Ecclus. III, 14–18; VII, 29 sq.; Prov. XIX, 26.—Gury, Comp. Theol. Mor., I, n. 369: “Children ought to love their parents with both inward love, pursuing them with a pious and benevolent affection of heart, and outward love, repelling from them every notable evil and injury, showing them also outward signs of benevolence, and assisting them according to their means when they are in need. This is established by natural law. Therefore, although our parents may have defects, however grave, and however they may have acted toward us, nevertheless we owe them life and preservation, which surely is the greatest of all benefits.”

This support is, of course, to be gauged in each case by the child’s ability. When a man has to strain every nerve to provide for his own family, or to pay his creditors, he cannot be held to contribute to the support of his parents except in case of urgent need. But even when children have become wealthy, they are not obliged to support their parents on a scale essentially higher than that to which their station in life entitles the latter. Whatever children do for their parents, however, they should do in such a manner that the latter can feel that the assistance given them is not a cold matter of duty, but inspired by genuine affection. Parents have a right to demand this of their children in view of what they have done for them. The consequences of lack of filial affection are graphically portrayed in Shakespeare’s “King Lear.”¹¹

¹¹ Linsenmann, Lehrb. d. Moraltheol., pp. 652 sq.

3. The duty of filial obedience (obedientia filialis) is coextensive with parental authority, and hence comprises whatever is subject to that authority, i. e., all matters of education and domestic government.

a) For minors living under the parental roof the obligation of obeying their parents is a grave one in all important matters. But not all violations of this duty are mortal sins; quite often the guilt is diminished by youthful thoughtlessness, imprudence, or lack of judgment.¹² In the case of children who have reached the age of maturity, however, it is nearly always a mortal sin if they refuse to obey their parents in matters that concern their eternal salvation or are of vital importance for the preservation of peace and good order within the family circle. The sin of disobedience is aggravated by pride, obstinacy, and hypocrisy. Grown-up children may, of course, raise objections against parental commands or orders, but they should present their reasons with respect and deference, and be ready to obey, no matter what the final decision may be.¹³

¹² Ecclus. III, 1; Eph. VI, 1; Col. III, 20.—Gury, op. cit., I, n. 374 sq.

¹³ De Benefic., l. III, c. 38.

580. Children are bound to show their parents love, reverence, and obedience. This obligation arises from a threefold prerogative of parents: for parents gave existence to their children, upon whom piety or love is thereby enjoined; parents are constituted in dignity, and therefore observance or reverence is owed to them; and finally parents are the governors of education, and therefore children must obey them. This threefold obligation is grave from its genus, so that a child violating either the love, or the reverence, or the obedience owed to parents sins mortally; very often, however, on account of slightness of matter or imperfection of the act, he sins only venially.

a) As regards love. The love owed to parents must be affective and effective.

Affective love requires that children sincerely desire for their parents all truly useful goods, and consequently pray for them to God, the Greatest and Best. Children sin against affective love if they hold their parents in hatred, whether the hatred is one of abomination or of detestation; if they rejoice in their adversities and are saddened at their prosperity; if they wish death upon them; if they do not pray for them over a long period; or if from depraved egoism they desire the paternal inheritance. Hence the following proposition (14) was condemned by Innocent XI: "It is lawful with an absolute desire to wish for the death of one's father, not indeed as an evil of the father, but as a good of the one desiring it, because a rich inheritance is thereby going to come to him."⁹⁹⁶

Effective love demands that children show their parents external signs of love by speaking to them charitably, living peaceably with them, or, if they are absent, visiting them frequently; that they assist them in necessities by providing, for example, food, clothing, and housing, and this obligation binds the children in solidum; and that, insofar as this is morally possible, they offer them consolation and assistance when they are suffering from old age, illness, or some other adversity. Children must especially assist their parents in spiritual necessities, and therefore procure that parents near death receive the sacraments and that the deceased have suffrages. Children therefore sin if they unduly afflict their parents externally; if they subject them to injuries, insulting words, curses, or blows. The injurious striking of parents is almost always a mortal sin, because it includes an enormous irreverence. Indeed, in some dioceses the injurious striking of parents is a reserved sin. A curse seriously pronounced against parents is also a mortal sin. Hence God Himself established: "He that curseth father or mother, dying let him die."⁹⁹⁷ Children likewise sin gravely if they do not assist parents who are in grave necessity. Hence children cannot enter religious life if their parents gravely need their assistance; indeed, if a son had already made religious profession and could not otherwise assist parents in extreme or quasi-extreme necessity, he would be bound to leave religious life. This matter is treated more fully elsewhere.⁹⁹⁸

⁹⁹⁶ Denzinger, n. 1164.

⁹⁹⁷ Ex. 21:17; Matt. 15:4.

⁹⁹⁸ In our Manual of Canon Law, q. 205; cf. also S. theol. 2, 2, q. 101, a. 4 ad 4, and Cod. iur. can. c. 542.

582. The fourth precept of the Decalogue is expressed in these words: "Honor thy father and thy mother."⁹⁹⁹ But to honor, as the Roman Catechism says,¹⁰⁰⁰ "is to think honorably of someone and to esteem most highly all that belongs to him." Hence children must inwardly acknowledge the dignity of their parents and outwardly profess it by words, signs, and deeds.

Children therefore sin: 1. by words, if they address their parents with harsh, injurious, insulting, or cursing words, or speak of them in this manner; for example, if a son calls his father a stupid ass or a decrepit old man; 2. by signs, if they mock or despise them by gestures; 3. by deeds, if they strike them, cast them out of the house, or even raise a hand against them; 4. by omission, if they do not show the customary signs of reverence according to the usage of the country; for example, if they do not greet them, do not rise in their presence, or refuse to acknowledge them before others, unless, however, great harm to the child in goods of fortune or in honor would follow from the acknowledgment. For in that case the parents would not be reasonably unwilling if, in those circumstances, they did not exact acknowledgment from their children.¹⁰⁰¹ Nevertheless, the case in which true harm arises to a child from acknowledging his parents even before others and treating them honorably is exceedingly rare.

c) As regards obedience.

⁹⁹⁹ Ex. 20:12.

¹⁰⁰⁰ Part 3, c. 5, q. 3.

¹⁰⁰¹ Cf. St. Alphonsus, Theol. mor. l. 5, n. 334.

583. Children are obliged to execute the commands of their parents in all lawful things pertaining to their care. Hence St. Paul¹⁰⁰² admonishes: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just." "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." This obligation of obedience is grave of itself, namely, if the parents gravely and seriously command in grave matter. Hence St. Paul calls those disobedient to parents worthy of death.¹⁰⁰³ But for a mortal sin to arise from such disobedience, it is required: a) that the parents seriously command, and not merely admonish or exhort; b) that grave matter be present. What matter is truly grave can scarcely be determined by a general rule. Yet in general it can be said that matter is grave when its omission causes grave harm either to the child or to the family. Hence, for example, a son sins gravely if he does not obey a father who severely prohibits continual drunkenness, fornications, very bad company in taverns, etc.

Note. The obedience owed to parents, even in lawful things, has two limitations:

¹⁰⁰² Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20.

¹⁰⁰³ Cf. Rom. 1:32.

819. Offices of piety in general. - By natural and divine law, under grave obligation, from piety we owe parents a) something per se, that is, that which befits parents insofar as they are parents: 1) the service of love, because they are more closely joined to us and indeed by a special conjunction, for after God they are the principles of our being and greatest benefactors; 2) honor and reverence, because they are our superiors, preeminent in dignity and excellence (Ex. XX, 12; Deut. XXVII, 16; Eccli. III, 1-18; VII, 29; Eph. VI, 2-3; Tob. IV, 3); 3) the service of submission, namely, obedience, because they are governors deputed by God for children (Prov. I, 8; Eph. VI, 1; Col. III, 20); b) something per accidens, that is, by reason of a special circumstance: 4) spiritual and corporal assistance insofar as necessity requires it (Mt. XV, 4 sq.). These are owed respectively to parents by reason of cause, by reason of preeminence, by reason of governance, and by reason of necessity.

The first is an office of natural love and charity, which is presupposed to piety as a necessary foundation; the second and third are formally the proper offices of piety; the fourth is an office of each, which is built upon all the aforesaid.

From these things it follows: 1) hatred, malevolence, personal injury, contempt, which with respect to another would be light, are easily graver with respect to parents, because we owe them love, worship, and service more strictly than to others; 2) those who sin by hatred or injury against parents add to the sin a new species against the special love owed to parents or against piety.

820. The office of love and assistance. - Children are bound to pursue their parents with the highest love after God, and this both affective in the heart and effective in word and work, both internal, by willing them the greatest goods, and external, by praying for their salvation both corporal and spiritual and by exhibiting that love by exterior signs. Thus always and per se; but sometimes per accidens, by reason of necessity, they ought to manifest it by special corporal and spiritual support or help. Hence:

A. Children sin gravely 1) by defect of internal love, if they hate their parents or interiorly despise them; if they rejoice over their adversity or grieve over their prosperity; a fortiori, if they wish evil to them, even death itself, so that they may live more freely, or may possess their inheritance, or may be freed from care and custody;

2. by defect of external love, if they show signs of hatred toward them, seriously detract from them, greatly sadden them, especially even to tears, for example, by frequenting evil companions, neglecting studies, prolonging vigils outside the house.

B. They sin especially by defect of assistance: 1) by defect of corporal assistance, if they do not come to the aid of parents constituted in grave necessity, even if the parents could provide for themselves by some art, but one unbefitting their state; likewise if they do not visit them when sick, console them when sad, defend them when unjustly vexed. This obligation is so strict that, according to St. Thomas, a. 4, ad 3 and 4, offspring are bound to defer entrance into religion and the state of marriage, indeed even not to enter religion, if the parents are in grave necessity and they can help them by remaining in the world: the reason is that this obligation is of the law of nature, while the state of religion or of marriage is a work of liberty. But if the parents were in extreme necessity, a son would even be bound to leave religion, unless there were another means of helping them; but the case scarcely occurs, because extreme necessity does not usually endure;

2. by defect of spiritual assistance, if they do not come to the aid of parents in grave spiritual necessity, for instance, if they neglect to admonish them in danger of death or to provide for them the necessary sacraments; if by evil arts they impede them from making a testament or from making dispositions or legacies for the salvation of the soul; if after their death they do not take care that funeral rites and other offices be celebrated according to their will or condition.

They are not bound to pay a father's debts, unless a) they receive paternal goods: then they are bound from justice; or b) otherwise the honor of the father would be greatly injured: then they are bound from piety, but not with grave inconvenience.

821. The office of reverence and honor. - Reverence demands both that interiorly we acknowledge parents as superiors preeminent in dignity, excellence, and authority participated from God, and therefore conceive reverential fear toward them, and that exteriorly by words, signs, and deeds we demonstrate this reverence.

By defect of reverence, generally children sin gravely against piety:

1. By words, if they deliberately curse their parents, speak ill of them, or cast insults upon them and affect them with injuries or contumelious words by which they know they will be gravely offended; if they provoke them to grave anger, often address them with harsh words, so that they seem to have hatred for them.

Grave irreverence is not to be taken so much absolutely as relatively to the conditions of the family and the customs of the place: what is a lighter irreverence toward a plebeian parent can be most grave if committed against a noble or honored one.

2. By signs, if by laughter or gesture they mock or deride them, or ridicule them by imitating their acts, whether in their presence or in their absence, if they frequently look at them with stern eyes; likewise if they despise poor, miserable, badly dressed parents, or are ashamed of them, or refuse to acknowledge them.

Except if, contempt being excluded, for a grave cause they pretend that they do not know them, for instance, to avoid some grave inconvenience, because then the parents themselves are not considered gravely or reasonably unwilling.

3. By deeds, if they strike their parents, even only lightly; indeed, if with sufficient deliberation they merely raise a hand or seize a stick for striking, even without the intention of striking; likewise if they repel them from the house, from their company; all these, even if they are light in themselves, are gravely repugnant to the reverence owed to parents. Likewise if they omit signs of reverence, such as speaking to them, greeting them, rising, etc., with ostentation or habitually. Likewise if they accuse them of a crime in the external forum, unless another means is lacking for avoiding a common or divine evil.

822. The office of obedience. - Children ought to obey parents in all licit things which pertain to their care, as long as they exist under their power. To the care of parents pertains the governance of the house and the education of children; moreover, children by majority, emancipation, or marriage become persons of their own right, but as to domestic discipline they are subject to parents as long as they live in the paternal house.

Children sin gravely by not obeying parents who command by a serious and rigorous precept in grave matter; but grave matter is that whose omission causes grave harm to the child or the family, as if disobedience conduces gravely to depraved morals, or greatly leads away from salvation, or notably harms in temporal things or honor; especially:

1. In those things which regard the discipline of life: a) as to good morals, if often against the prohibition of parents they frequent depraved company, dances, or other dangerous places, seek forbidden games, have altogether illicit courtships or friendships;

b) as to matters of eternal salvation, if they omit sacraments or other offices of religion, Mass, attendance at catechism, sermons, and prayers in notable matter.

2. In those things which regard domestic governance, if they obstinately refuse to furnish imposed work; if they gravely neglect to apply themselves to the study of letters or to learn an art suited to their condition, with loss of time and expenses; if without grave cause they flee from the paternal house; if against the will of their parents they marry an unworthy wife or marry an unworthy man with disgrace to the family.

Since in the choice of state children are of their own right, because as to the preservation of the individual and of the species all men are equal, in this respect per se they are not bound to obey parents; nevertheless from reverence they ought to seek the counsel of those who naturally are counselors, and also per accidens to obey, in the case in which by reason of education, the honor of the family, etc., parents reasonably command or prohibit in this matter. For just as parents sin gravely per se who compel to a state, even indirectly, or unjustly draw one back from it, so children can sin if in special circumstances parents rightly induce them or turn them away.

823. Corollaries. - 1. When parents are lacking, offices of piety are owed to those who educate children in their place.

2. Similar offices are owed proportionately to other relatives, namely, love, reverence, and, if they hold the place of parents, also obedience; but one sins gravely against piety with difficulty toward them, grandparents excepted.

3. Parents, for instructing boys and youths, often substitute others for themselves, namely teachers, and communicate their authority to them. Wherefore pupils ought to exhibit love, reverence, and obedience to teachers in those things which pertain to studies and good morals according to the contract and received customs, almost as to parents.

Hence pupils, according to the account of the matter, also sin gravely against the debt of reverence or service:

a) If they mock teachers, speak irreverently of them, detract from them, afflict them with useless annoyances, conduct themselves insolently, or provoke others to irreverence and insolence; which in practice is often excused from grave sin because of the lightness of pupils, but if they are older, it will more easily be grave.

b) If they do not obey teachers strictly commanding in those things which pertain to studies, good morals, and the discipline of the school; in which younger pupils are more easily excused from grave sin because of lightness and inadvertence.

c) If at the time of lesson they do not attend and spend the time of study uselessly. To judge the gravity of this sin, there must be considered both the quantity of time which is spent inattentively and uselessly, and the object of instruction and study, and the condition of the persons: it will not be a grave sin unless, in attaining those things which are necessary to state and condition, the pupils are notably impeded.

Let it be noted that for adolescents who are instructed and educated in colleges or boarding schools, strictly only the superiors of the house have directly the authority and power of commanding in place of parents, and therefore disobedience against those who furnish help to the superior, for example, monitors, is more easily excused from grave sin. Besides, by the very fact that someone, in his own name or in the name of his parents, enters a college or seminary, he makes a cession of his liberty in all those things which are contained explicitly or implicitly in the statutes of this house; nevertheless these statutes are regularly merely penal, for unless the contrary is declared by those who have authority, thus from custom, and provided nothing more is demanded than right order, it can be presumed, lest occasions of sinning be multiplied without necessity. But nothing prevents some of those statutes from obliging even to sin, when namely it is so determined either from the will of the immediate superior, or from the ordination of the superior authority on which the house depends. Finally, when the relation between pupil and teacher has been dissolved, the special offices cease, and therefore sins which afterward are committed against a teacher do not differ in species from sins which are done against another neighbor, except sometimes by reason of a certain ingratitude.

4. Domestic servants strictly so called, since they enter the family of the masters, have offices of piety to fulfill toward the members of this family, especially toward the masters themselves. Whence, besides the special offices of justice which are common to them with workers, and which were described above (n. 550), from piety they are bound toward masters as rulers of the family (I Tim. VI, 1; I Pet. II, 18).

Hence they owe:

a) Interior and exterior reverence, on account of which by a special reason they are to abstain from insults, mockeries, detractions.

b) Obedience in those things which regard service, and the governance of the family, good morals, and peace; and, if the servants are minors, also in those things which pertain to their education and instruction.

c) Discretion in preserving family secrets, which they know from their office, and whose revelation is apt to harm the honor or reputation of the family.

I Say 1st. Children ought to love parents with love both internal, cherishing them with a pious and benevolent affection of heart, and external, repelling every evil and injury from them, as well as exhibiting to them signs of external benevolence, and assisting them according to ability when they are constituted in necessity. This is clear from the law of nature itself; for however grave the defects which our progenitors have may be, and whatever may be the manner in which they have conducted themselves toward us, nevertheless we always owe them life and preservation, which surely is the greatest of all benefits. Hence Ecclus. vii, 29 and 30: "Honor thy father, and forget not the groanings of thy mother: remember that unless through them, thou wouldst not have been born: and repay them, as they also thee."

I Say 2nd. Children ought to exhibit reverence to parents, both internal and external; they ought, namely, to acknowledge them and to treat them both in words and deeds as superiors, for they are such, designated by nature itself. - Hence Ecclus. iii, 9: "In work and speech and all patience honor thy father." - And ibid., 8: "He who fears the Lord honors parents, and as masters he will serve those who begot him." - Deut. xxvii, 16: "Cursed is he who does not honor his father and mother; and all the people shall say: Amen."

I Say 3rd. Children ought to render obedience to parents in all licit and honorable things pertaining to their education, while they are under their power. This is clear from natural law and from Scripture, for example, Ephes. vi, 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is just." - Coloss. iii, 20: "Children, obey parents in all things; for this is pleasing to the Lord." - I said 1st, in all licit and honorable things, because in things evidently depraved children neither ought to obey, nor can they. - I said 2nd, pertaining to their education, for in those things which pertain to the choice of their own state, children are independent, and parents would sin gravely if directly or indirectly they compelled them to choose the religious state rather than the conjugal state or vice versa. - I said 3rd, while they are under their power, for if children, for example, marry and establish a new family or wish to embrace the religious state, although they always owe love and reverence to parents, the duty of obedience properly ceases.

You Will Resolve. - 1st. Children sin gravely if they strike parents or attempt to strike them even lightly, but injuriously. This crime, even in ancient times, was seen as so atrocious that formerly among the Hebrews any who had committed it were punished by death; for it is said, Exod. xxi, 15: "He who shall strike his father or mother shall be put to death."

2nd. They sin gravely if they curse parents, as is clear from the words of Exod. xxi, 18: "He who shall curse his father or mother shall die the death"; or if they throw insults upon them, and affect them with injuries or contumelious words by which they know that they are to be gravely offended; if they gravely mock them by laughter, jeerings, gesticulations, reproaches, derisions, a stern look, etc., provided nevertheless that these things are done from contempt, but not from levity or simple rusticity.

3rd. They sin gravely if they despise parents who are poor, miserable, badly clothed, or are ashamed of them, or refuse to acknowledge them, or regard them as unknown and foreign. Yet except if, with contempt and pride excluded, they pretend for a just cause that they do not know them, for example, to avoid some inconvenience which the child would incur if his parents were known, etc.

It must be noted here that in practice the disobedience of children can not rarely be excused from grave sin on account of levity of mind, inadvertence, or some human negligence, and very often on account of smallness of matter. Indeed often they ought to be judged immune from every fault on account of defect of a rigorous precept. For that a sin, especially grave, be committed against obedience, it is required that the parents seem strictly to command, but not only to counsel, solicit, or signify their mind. But that a true precept is being enjoined is discerned from the serious or severe manner in which the thing is commanded, and from other circumstances, for example, from the necessity and magnitude of the thing commanded, and the penalty added, etc.

I ASSERT first, that children are bound not to hurl insults, or to inflict grave injuries upon their parents. It is the common opinion, with D. Bonaventure, serm. 5, on the ten commandments. So also Navarre, man. cap. 14, Tolet., lib. 5, c. 5, Richard., in 3, dist. 37, Alens., 3 p. dist. 4, praecepto, Sylvester, V. filii, q. 22, Molseus, tract. 2, c. 18, Bassaeus, at the place cited.

Yet it is never licit to lay hands upon parents, unless the children are forced to it to defend their life, or their country. So Azorius, tract. 2, cap. 11, q. 9, 10. Hence neither is it licit to kill a proscribed father. So Julius Clarus, in praxi, lib. 5, §. Homicidium, Bonac., de contract. dub. 2, q. ult. sect. 1, p. 2, Diana, part. 5, tract. 4, resol. 25.

I ASSERT second, that children sin mortally who despise their parents, and contemn them on account of poverty.

The Saintly Doctor reports, at the place cited, a horrible case of this matter, of a certain son who, at the persuasion of his wife, a noble, talkative, and wanton woman, despised his father and hid from him his food. One day the wretched old man arrived, and they scarcely brought him beans; but as he withdrew, they brought out from the chest a fat cooked capon, which, turned into a monstrous toad, leaped upon his face, and pressing the nose with two feet and also the two eyes with two, oppressed his whole face, and could not be torn away by any diligence or force. A physician was summoned, and applied remedies of surpassing power; then the venomous toad, fixing its terrible eyes upon the man in the middle, fell down as if terrified; but soon it miserably killed the impious young man. The Saintly Doctor testifies that he heard this from a certain man worthy of trust, who had known the man slain.

If, however, grave harm should befall them by acknowledging them, it will not be a fault to refuse to recognize them, provided you show reverence and come to their aid. So Toletus, lib. 5, cap. 5, Navarre, man. cap. 14, Fagundez, lib. 4, cap. 5.

I ASSERT third, that children accusing their parents in judgment sin gravely, and are not to be admitted. Yet it is licit for a son to ask that sustenance unjustly denied by his parents be exhibited. It is licit also in the crime of heresy and lèse-majesté. See the Doctors in Fagundez.

The REASON is that the public good, by natural law, is to be preferred to the private. Which reason seems to prove only that one is bound even when heresy can be pernicious to others, but not if it were secret; nor does it appear that she would teach it, as Fagundez says, with others, to be cited in Diana; but I say with D. Paul that every heresy creeps like a cancer. Therefore I assert that in such a case the son is bound. So Farinacius, de haeresi, quaest. 197, Suarez, de fide, disp. 20, sect. 4, Azor, part 2, lib. 2, cap. 2, question 13, Diana, p. p. Tract. de Denunc. resol 4. I say the same of a husband against a wife, and conversely. See Diana, resol. 5. In cases, however, where heresy is doubtful, many deny this, as in Diana, resol. 6.

I ASSERT first that children are bound to obey their parents in matters concerning the governance of the household. Thus for children not to obey their parents commanding the son to guard against some mortal sin, or its near occasion, so that he not go out by night, nor walk with criminals, so as to flee forbidden games, harlots, and the like, is mortal. So St. Bonaventure serm. 5. in decem praecepta, Toletus lib. 5. cap. 1. Navarr. man. cap. 14. Fagundez in 4. praeceptum, cap. 4.

I ASSERT second, that children are not bound to obey their parents in unjust matters, and in this sense Christ commands hatred toward parents, as I said quaest. prima. So D. Bonaventure loco cit. Toletus lib. 5. cap. 5. Navarr. Fagundez loco cit.

I ASSERT third, that children are not bound to obey their parents in those things which pertain to taking on a state of life, as religion or matrimony. For each one ought to be free in this, as the holy Doctor observes on those words of the rule, cap. 2. Si qui voluerint hanc vitam accipere. He proves it by that passage of Matt. 19, Si vis perfectus esse, etc. The same is noted by Fagundez num. 3. with others. The same the holy Doctor shows from the liberty of vocation to these states in 1. dist. 29. quaest. 3.

I ASSERT fourth, yet supposing that the children wish to marry, that it is mortal not to take, at the father's command, a worthy bride, so that the enmities may be lulled to sleep, says Fagundez with Toletus and Navarrus to be adduced, and Henriquez lib. 11. de matrim. cap. 6. et this is the common opinion, and it is D. Bonaventure's, to be cited below. But I would add that it be understood, if that please, and there be no danger, as often happens, of perpetual estrangement, or of the dishonor of marriage, so that he turn aside to harlots. For this is a law of perpetual servitude: so the Doctors commonly, as at Hurtado de matr. d. 6. diff. 10. num. 35. Diana part. 4. tract. 4. resol. 132.

A GRAVE question however presses: whether a son sins gravely, unwilling to marry a worthy woman at his father's command, and taking another worthy one without a reasonable cause, by his mere will.

The FIRST opinion is that he sins gravely. So Guttierrez lib. 1. qq. can. cap. 20. Barbosa 4. part. lib. 1. ff. soluto matrimonio, num. 33. Veracruz in speculo coniugali 3. part. art. 20. They cite also both Sotos, Menochius, and others; Fagundez follows them lib. 4. cap. 4. num. 4. it seems to Navarr. in summa Lat. cap. 4. num. 15.

The SECOND opinion denies it: So Toler. lib. 5. cap. 1. Molina de primog. lib. 2. cap. 13. D. Thomas is also cited 2. 2. quaest. 104. art. 5. in corpore, Corduba casu 171. Victoria §. 267. Couarr. cap. 3. § 8. Henriquez lib. 11. de matrim. cap. 6. Bassaeus V. Filius, num. 5. provided however no grave cause of forbidding be present for the Father.

The THIRD opinion teaches that he is indeed bound to consult his parents, yet not to obey their counsel. So Sanchez lib. 4. de matrim. d. 23. adducing others, especially D. Thomas and Guttierrez, but wrongly.

The SENTENCE of D. Bonaventure in 4. d. 29. quaest. 1. is this, that a father cannot command a son to take some woman in marriage, unless a reasonable cause urges, as if they have enmities, nor can they otherwise be reconciled. Or unless charity urges, as if he commands that he not contract with a wicked woman. Or unless the son himself has promised, or contracted espousals. Wherefore the holy Doctor is with the second opinion, which I maintain.

It is PROVED first by the holy Doctor, because in that in which we are equals, one is not bound to obey the other; but with respect to the right of marriage all are equals, unless another precept of the same natural law presses from above: Therefore the command of a father, as father, does not compel.

It is PROVED second by the holy Doctor: With the father commanding marriage, the son can vow chastity: Therefore he is not bound to obey his father.

It is PROVED third by the holy Doctor; if a son wishes to enter religion, he is not bound to obey his father determining or forbidding, because the vow is spontaneous: Therefore likewise the promise of marriage.

It is PROVED fourth by the holy Doctor: No one can destine me to perpetual servitude. But a man, by the fact that he contracts with a wife, gives her perpetual power over his body: Therefore.

It is PROVED fifth by the holy Doctor: If a father can compel: Therefore espousals contracted by parents without the son's consent are valid.

YOU WILL OBJECT however first. Isaac commanded his son Jacob not to take wives of the Chanaanites, Genes. 28. Therefore a Father can forbid this.

The holy Doctor RESPONDS, that he commanded this both because those women were wicked and contagious. For of them the Lord said: Certissime avertent corda vestra. Then because this kind of men was to be destroyed by God's command, and this is intimated in the text to have been known to Isaac.

YOU WILL OBJECT second, Coloss. 3. we have: Filii obedite parentibus per omnia. The Gloss adds, quae non sunt contra Dominum: But marriage is not against God: Therefore.

The holy Doctor RESPONDS, that that distribution is understood only of those things which pertain to the honorification of parents and to the governance of the family. As to the rest, it is only counsel, which the Gloss intimates, saying: Placet Deo, si per omnia obediatis, ita tamen, si Domino obediatis.

YOU WILL OBJECT third. As the spiritual Father stands with respect to spiritual matrimony, so the carnal father with respect to carnal: But the Lord Pope can command under excommunication that someone espouse himself to the Church by spiritual marriage, by accepting a Bishopric: Therefore.

The holy Doctor RESPONDS by denying the parity, because the spiritual Father has ampler power in governance than the carnal; and the more so because it pertains to the public good, which prevails over the private. Then a heavier yoke is imposed by carnal marriage, which is inseparable; whereas a Bishopric can be dispensed, laid down, etc.

He ADDS that of so great a parent it is presumed that, inspired by the Holy Spirit, he governs the Church, and accordingly commands for the public good, and therefore is to be obeyed. Wherefore the holy Doctor explodes the opinion of those saying that the Pontiff cannot command this. That one can, he says, refuse, if he knows certainly that he is unequal to the burden, and therefore that the Bishopric is dangerous for himself.

In our matter much more can the son, who is oppressed by his father, whether because he is not nourished, or not according to his station, or is sent farther away, that he not marry, marry with a worthy woman against his father's will; even if of inferior condition: So almost all grant, from the liberty of the state of marriage, Fagundez num. 5. Molina lib. 2. de primog. cap. 13. and others, as at Bassaeus loc. cit.

From which I also deduce, that such a son or daughter does not lose a legacy left under this condition, that she marry with her father's consent. So Henriquez lib. 11. de matrim. cap. 6. Gamma decis. 314. Emmanuel Acosta l. cum tale, §. si arbitratus, ff. de condit. et demonst. Molina lib. 2. de primog. cap. 13. Sanchez Tom. 1. de matrim. lib. 1. d. 34. Molina the Theologian Tom. 1. de Iust. d. 207. Manuel Rodrig. tom. 1. summae edit. prima, cap. 133. Sylvest. verbo Concilium, Mencacha, controv. cap. 5. Fagund. num. 6. and others commonly among these authors.

The SAME must be said of the right of primogeniture and the like, if they are established under such a condition. For there is one and the same reason on both sides, as Molina, Iustisconsultus, and Fagundez note.

The FOUNDATION is, because such a condition impedes the liberty of marriage, and therefore must be judged as not appended; for although it is honorable for children to follow the will of their parents in contracting marriages, nevertheless the laws, wishing to favor altogether the liberty of marriage, reject conditions repugnant to this liberty, and judge them as not appended. Certainly such conditions weaken the liberty, which ought to be full, as we have cap. Gemma mulieri, de sponsal. Second, because this case must be decided according to l. filia suae, ff. de condit. et demonst. et l. cum tale, §. si arbitratu.

MANY however of those cited ADD that it avails, if a condition be appended of consulting parents or others, without denying the liberty not to carry out the counsel.

This however Acosta impugns loc. cit. referring to others who hold the same as himself.

YET I think the legacy avails, if it be left under that condition, that she marry a certain kind of noble persons, because it invites by a reward and compels toward better things. So Henriquez loc. cit. and Fagundez num. 9.