Question Two: On the Offices of Piety Toward Parents

819. Offices of piety in general. - By natural and divine law, under grave obligation, from piety we owe parents a) something per se, that is, that which befits parents insofar as they are parents: 1) the service of love, because they are more closely joined to us and indeed by a special conjunction, for after God they are the principles of our being and greatest benefactors; 2) honor and reverence, because they are our superiors, preeminent in dignity and excellence (Ex. XX, 12; Deut. XXVII, 16; Eccli. III, 1-18; VII, 29; Eph. VI, 2-3; Tob. IV, 3); 3) the service of submission, namely, obedience, because they are governors deputed by God for children (Prov. I, 8; Eph. VI, 1; Col. III, 20); b) something per accidens, that is, by reason of a special circumstance: 4) spiritual and corporal assistance insofar as necessity requires it (Mt. XV, 4 sq.). These are owed respectively to parents by reason of cause, by reason of preeminence, by reason of governance, and by reason of necessity.

The first is an office of natural love and charity, which is presupposed to piety as a necessary foundation; the second and third are formally the proper offices of piety; the fourth is an office of each, which is built upon all the aforesaid.

From these things it follows: 1) hatred, malevolence, personal injury, contempt, which with respect to another would be light, are easily graver with respect to parents, because we owe them love, worship, and service more strictly than to others; 2) those who sin by hatred or injury against parents add to the sin a new species against the special love owed to parents or against piety.

820. The office of love and assistance. - Children are bound to pursue their parents with the highest love after God, and this both affective in the heart and effective in word and work, both internal, by willing them the greatest goods, and external, by praying for their salvation both corporal and spiritual and by exhibiting that love by exterior signs. Thus always and per se; but sometimes per accidens, by reason of necessity, they ought to manifest it by special corporal and spiritual support or help. Hence:

A. Children sin gravely 1) by defect of internal love, if they hate their parents or interiorly despise them; if they rejoice over their adversity or grieve over their prosperity; a fortiori, if they wish evil to them, even death itself, so that they may live more freely, or may possess their inheritance, or may be freed from care and custody;

2. by defect of external love, if they show signs of hatred toward them, seriously detract from them, greatly sadden them, especially even to tears, for example, by frequenting evil companions, neglecting studies, prolonging vigils outside the house.

B. They sin especially by defect of assistance: 1) by defect of corporal assistance, if they do not come to the aid of parents constituted in grave necessity, even if the parents could provide for themselves by some art, but one unbefitting their state; likewise if they do not visit them when sick, console them when sad, defend them when unjustly vexed. This obligation is so strict that, according to St. Thomas, a. 4, ad 3 and 4, offspring are bound to defer entrance into religion and the state of marriage, indeed even not to enter religion, if the parents are in grave necessity and they can help them by remaining in the world: the reason is that this obligation is of the law of nature, while the state of religion or of marriage is a work of liberty. But if the parents were in extreme necessity, a son would even be bound to leave religion, unless there were another means of helping them; but the case scarcely occurs, because extreme necessity does not usually endure;

2. by defect of spiritual assistance, if they do not come to the aid of parents in grave spiritual necessity, for instance, if they neglect to admonish them in danger of death or to provide for them the necessary sacraments; if by evil arts they impede them from making a testament or from making dispositions or legacies for the salvation of the soul; if after their death they do not take care that funeral rites and other offices be celebrated according to their will or condition.

They are not bound to pay a father's debts, unless a) they receive paternal goods: then they are bound from justice; or b) otherwise the honor of the father would be greatly injured: then they are bound from piety, but not with grave inconvenience.

821. The office of reverence and honor. - Reverence demands both that interiorly we acknowledge parents as superiors preeminent in dignity, excellence, and authority participated from God, and therefore conceive reverential fear toward them, and that exteriorly by words, signs, and deeds we demonstrate this reverence.

By defect of reverence, generally children sin gravely against piety:

1. By words, if they deliberately curse their parents, speak ill of them, or cast insults upon them and affect them with injuries or contumelious words by which they know they will be gravely offended; if they provoke them to grave anger, often address them with harsh words, so that they seem to have hatred for them.

Grave irreverence is not to be taken so much absolutely as relatively to the conditions of the family and the customs of the place: what is a lighter irreverence toward a plebeian parent can be most grave if committed against a noble or honored one.

2. By signs, if by laughter or gesture they mock or deride them, or ridicule them by imitating their acts, whether in their presence or in their absence, if they frequently look at them with stern eyes; likewise if they despise poor, miserable, badly dressed parents, or are ashamed of them, or refuse to acknowledge them.

Except if, contempt being excluded, for a grave cause they pretend that they do not know them, for instance, to avoid some grave inconvenience, because then the parents themselves are not considered gravely or reasonably unwilling.

3. By deeds, if they strike their parents, even only lightly; indeed, if with sufficient deliberation they merely raise a hand or seize a stick for striking, even without the intention of striking; likewise if they repel them from the house, from their company; all these, even if they are light in themselves, are gravely repugnant to the reverence owed to parents. Likewise if they omit signs of reverence, such as speaking to them, greeting them, rising, etc., with ostentation or habitually. Likewise if they accuse them of a crime in the external forum, unless another means is lacking for avoiding a common or divine evil.

822. The office of obedience. - Children ought to obey parents in all licit things which pertain to their care, as long as they exist under their power. To the care of parents pertains the governance of the house and the education of children; moreover, children by majority, emancipation, or marriage become persons of their own right, but as to domestic discipline they are subject to parents as long as they live in the paternal house.

Children sin gravely by not obeying parents who command by a serious and rigorous precept in grave matter; but grave matter is that whose omission causes grave harm to the child or the family, as if disobedience conduces gravely to depraved morals, or greatly leads away from salvation, or notably harms in temporal things or honor; especially:

1. In those things which regard the discipline of life: a) as to good morals, if often against the prohibition of parents they frequent depraved company, dances, or other dangerous places, seek forbidden games, have altogether illicit courtships or friendships;

b) as to matters of eternal salvation, if they omit sacraments or other offices of religion, Mass, attendance at catechism, sermons, and prayers in notable matter.

2. In those things which regard domestic governance, if they obstinately refuse to furnish imposed work; if they gravely neglect to apply themselves to the study of letters or to learn an art suited to their condition, with loss of time and expenses; if without grave cause they flee from the paternal house; if against the will of their parents they marry an unworthy wife or marry an unworthy man with disgrace to the family.

Since in the choice of state children are of their own right, because as to the preservation of the individual and of the species all men are equal, in this respect per se they are not bound to obey parents; nevertheless from reverence they ought to seek the counsel of those who naturally are counselors, and also per accidens to obey, in the case in which by reason of education, the honor of the family, etc., parents reasonably command or prohibit in this matter. For just as parents sin gravely per se who compel to a state, even indirectly, or unjustly draw one back from it, so children can sin if in special circumstances parents rightly induce them or turn them away.

823. Corollaries. - 1. When parents are lacking, offices of piety are owed to those who educate children in their place.

2. Similar offices are owed proportionately to other relatives, namely, love, reverence, and, if they hold the place of parents, also obedience; but one sins gravely against piety with difficulty toward them, grandparents excepted.

3. Parents, for instructing boys and youths, often substitute others for themselves, namely teachers, and communicate their authority to them. Wherefore pupils ought to exhibit love, reverence, and obedience to teachers in those things which pertain to studies and good morals according to the contract and received customs, almost as to parents.

Hence pupils, according to the account of the matter, also sin gravely against the debt of reverence or service:

a) If they mock teachers, speak irreverently of them, detract from them, afflict them with useless annoyances, conduct themselves insolently, or provoke others to irreverence and insolence; which in practice is often excused from grave sin because of the lightness of pupils, but if they are older, it will more easily be grave.

b) If they do not obey teachers strictly commanding in those things which pertain to studies, good morals, and the discipline of the school; in which younger pupils are more easily excused from grave sin because of lightness and inadvertence.

c) If at the time of lesson they do not attend and spend the time of study uselessly. To judge the gravity of this sin, there must be considered both the quantity of time which is spent inattentively and uselessly, and the object of instruction and study, and the condition of the persons: it will not be a grave sin unless, in attaining those things which are necessary to state and condition, the pupils are notably impeded.

Let it be noted that for adolescents who are instructed and educated in colleges or boarding schools, strictly only the superiors of the house have directly the authority and power of commanding in place of parents, and therefore disobedience against those who furnish help to the superior, for example, monitors, is more easily excused from grave sin. Besides, by the very fact that someone, in his own name or in the name of his parents, enters a college or seminary, he makes a cession of his liberty in all those things which are contained explicitly or implicitly in the statutes of this house; nevertheless these statutes are regularly merely penal, for unless the contrary is declared by those who have authority, thus from custom, and provided nothing more is demanded than right order, it can be presumed, lest occasions of sinning be multiplied without necessity. But nothing prevents some of those statutes from obliging even to sin, when namely it is so determined either from the will of the immediate superior, or from the ordination of the superior authority on which the house depends. Finally, when the relation between pupil and teacher has been dissolved, the special offices cease, and therefore sins which afterward are committed against a teacher do not differ in species from sins which are done against another neighbor, except sometimes by reason of a certain ingratitude.

4. Domestic servants strictly so called, since they enter the family of the masters, have offices of piety to fulfill toward the members of this family, especially toward the masters themselves. Whence, besides the special offices of justice which are common to them with workers, and which were described above (n. 550), from piety they are bound toward masters as rulers of the family (I Tim. VI, 1; I Pet. II, 18).

Hence they owe:

a) Interior and exterior reverence, on account of which by a special reason they are to abstain from insults, mockeries, detractions.

b) Obedience in those things which regard service, and the governance of the family, good morals, and peace; and, if the servants are minors, also in those things which pertain to their education and instruction.

c) Discretion in preserving family secrets, which they know from their office, and whose revelation is apt to harm the honor or reputation of the family.