Instruction of the Couple

Duties of the Pastor as Regards the Religious Instruction of the Engaged Couple.—(a) The pastor should require those who are not confirmed to receive Confirmation before their marriage, if they can do this without serious inconvenience.

(b) He should instruct the parties in the essentials of Christian doctrine, if they are ignorant in these matters (see 920 sqq.), and he should point out to them the nature of marriage as a contract and as a Sacrament, its purposes and properties, the grace it confers and the conjugal and parental duties it imposes, the necessity of preparing for the Sacrament and of receiving it in the state of grace. He should also speak about the impediments, so that the couple may understand the disqualifications for a valid and lawful marriage; but this should be done prudently, so as not to shock the innocent or to help others to evade the law. But ignorance of the Catechism is not strictly an impediment; and if the parties are unwilling to take instruction, they should be married without it. In a mixed marriage it is often very useful to give the non-Catholic a short course in Catholic teaching, and all couples who are preparing for marriage would do well to read some of the good works prepared especially for the use of engaged or newly married people. The Code requires of pastors that in their sermons they instruct the people on marriage and exhort them to avoid mixed marriages and marriages with the unworthy (Canons 1018, 1064, 1065).

The Pastor and the Duties of Engaged Couple.—The pastor should also inquire about duties owed by the couple to others.

(a) Duties to Parents.—He should seriously admonish minors subject to parental authority not to marry without the knowledge or against the reasonable wishes of their parents. If the parents are opposed to the marriage, the pastor should decide from the circumstances whether the opposition is justified or not; if one parent only is unwilling, the wishes of the father per se have preference over those of the mother, as he is the head of the family. If the engaged couple will not heed the pastor, he is seriously bound to refuse to marry them until the case has been presented to the Ordinary for decision (Canon 1034).

(b) Duties to Civil Law.—The State has no power over the Sacrament of Matrimony, its bond, or its inseparable temporal effects (such as the rights and duties of spouses, legitimacy of children and the like), but it is competent in reference to merely civil effects and conditions, which are temporal circumstances separable from the substance of marriage. Hence, those who are getting married should comply with civil formalities that do not trespass on church rights, such as registration or marriage license.

Opposition of Parents to Marriage.—In deciding whether the parental opposition to a marriage is reasonable or not, the pastor should take into consideration both the motives for the opposition and the reasons in favor of the marriage.

(a) The motives for the opposition are reasonable, if the parents object because of the undesirability of one of the couple, or their incompatibility, or the evil consequences that will follow the marriage. A person is undesirable on account of defects of soul (e.g., an atheist, a drunkard, a libertine, a man or woman of ill-fame, a cruel man, an ill-tempered woman), or of body (e.g., a person who is deformed, or malodorous, or afflicted with syphilis or other serious disease), or of mind (e.g., a half-witted person), or of economical ability (e.g., a man who is a gambler or spendthrift, or who is unable to earn a living; a woman who is loaded with debts or who cannot take care of a home). There is incompatibility when the ages of the couple or their rank in life, their race, their education, their tastes, or their dispositions are utterly different. There are evil consequences when scandals, hatreds, disgrace, or loss of temporal goods will ensue.

(b) The reason for the marriage, however, may suffice to prevail over the parental objections. Thus, if the strong disapproval of relatives is the only reason against a marriage and its abandonment will make the couple unhappy for life, charity does not oblige to such a sacrifice. And the temporal advantage of a family should not be preferred to the spiritual benefit, if their son who is wild wishes to marry a poor girl who has a good influence over him rather than a wealthy girl whom he does not admire.