The Duty of Conjugal Companionship and Assistance

Marriage as a Sacrament.—The third benefit of marriage is that of the Sacrament. The union of man and wife is not merely a physical union, but also a social one, and it should be modelled on the union of Christ and the Church: “This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and the Church” (Eph., v. 32).

(a) Christ abides with the Church, and so the husband should dwell with his wife (Matt., xix. 5). The cohabitation of the parties is demanded by the very nature of the promises made in marriage, and hence it is wrong for the husband to be absent from the home for notable periods of time, or, what is worse, to drive his wife from home—or vice versa. Grave reasons and mutual consent justify long absences, as when the husband is called away on distant business; but, if he goes away for a considerable part of the year, he should, if possible, take his wife with him, or visit or write to her frequently. Very grave reasons suffice for obtaining a separation, either permanent, on account of adultery, or during the continuance of the reason, as when there is serious unhappiness (Canons 1128 sqq.).

(b) Christ is the head of the Church, and so also the husband is superior to the wife in authority (Eph., v. 23). Ordinarily man excels in the qualities suited for rule of the home (such as physical strength, decision, courage), and hence as every society, no matter how small, must have a head, the husband is the natural head of the home. But obedience is due a husband in domestic matters in which he is head of the house—for example, the choice of the place of residence, the management of the family income, the discipline of the children, but not in the wife’s personal affairs (e.g., her conscience, her politics, her property)—and only in commands that do not exceed his authority, for he has no power to command if he is irrational, and he has no claim to obedience if he orders something sinful or foolish. Moreover, since the wife is a partner and not a servant, and since she usually excels as sympathetic and wise adviser and careful household manager and is naturally more virtuous, the husband should consult with her on important family questions and decide them as far as possible by mutual consent, and should gladly leave to her sole control and direction the many things in which she is more competent than himself.

(c) Christ gave Himself for the Church (Eph., v. 25), and so also the husband has the duty of providing for his wife, spiritually and temporally. Usually the man should attend to the external affairs of the family (such as its support and protection), while the wife should take care of the internal affairs (such as the housekeeping and the training of the children). It is to be regretted that the smallness of the husband’s salary often compels the wife to work outside her home. Women should not be compelled to take up occupations unsuited to their sex, much less those that interfere with the supreme duty of motherhood. Injury done the common personal goods of husband and wife by one of them is unjust, if due to illegal action; it is at least uncharitable, if due to carelessness. The family goods are usually under the control of the head of the family. The wife has no right to use the earnings of her husband without his consent, unless he fails to provide suitably for his family, or uses his money extravagantly.