Chapter II. On the Obligations of Parents toward Children

Parents owe children: 1. love; 2. education.

The reason of this obligation is founded in the very bowels of nature and in the title of generation. For nature teaches each, indeed even brute animals themselves, which love their offspring and seek out necessary things for preserving their life.

371. • Parents must follow children with an internal love, efficacious and ordered, so that they not only put off every hatred and malevolence of soul, but love them from the heart, and, as much as lies in them, care for their good and provide for them in every matter. For just as each one ought to love himself, so parents are bound to love children sincerely, as something of themselves, flesh from their flesh, so that after God they have nothing dearer than them.

Hence parents sin more or less against the special virtue of piety:

1. Who are inflamed with a depraved affection and unjust hatred against their children, disdain them by their look, or seriously imprecate grave evils upon them, and do not assist them when there is need.

2. Who call them by gravely contumelious names. For thus they provide an occasion of anger to them, and make them morose and contumacious, contrary to that saying of the Apostle, Ephes. 6. 4: And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.

3. Who manifest their hidden delicts to outsiders without just cause. Yet parents can reveal these things to each other, because they communicate in the power of punishing, and it is often expedient that they be known to each for forestalling the perversion of the children, etc.

4. Who love them with an inordinate affection, so that they grant or permit all things to them, lest they sadden them; or who, using untimely goodness, act too remissly toward them, and whether from sluggishness or from cruel benignity, neglect to draw them back from vices by serious precepts or other efficacious means.

5. Who favor one more than the others without just reason, and look upon the rest indifferently, or even hold them as adulterine; for this love of one before the rest is a source and occasion of quarrels, disputes, divisions, and infinite evils in families.

The education of children, both corporal and spiritual, must be procured by parents.

372. • Corporal education requires a threefold providence from parents, namely by reason: 1. of life; 2. of sustenance; 3. of state.

I. By reason of life. Parents are bound to bear diligent care for offspring from the very conception, to avert all things which can be harmful to it, and to keep watch lest it be exposed to any danger of life.

Hence per se they sin gravely: 1. women who do not take care lest the fetus in the womb be destroyed by inordinate wantonness, dances, heavier burdens, running or a long journey, excessive anger, or more vehement sorrow; 2. husbands who treat pregnant wives harshly, affect them with grave blows, or impose immense labors on them; 3. spouses who do not take care lest little children be suffocated, placing them still very tender in bed with themselves without any barrier, or do not take care lest any evil in whatever way happen to them from water, fire, beasts, iron instruments, etc.

II. By reason of sustenance. Parents are bound to procure for children whatever things are necessary for sustenance, dwelling, and clothing congruent with their state and condition. Hence parents sin: 1. who do not assist children suffering necessity ¹, until they themselves are able to provide for themselves by labor or industry; 2. who cast children out of the house while they are not yet able to look after themselves, or who compel them to beg or to exercise a base art alien to their condition.

¹ As regards the obligation of supplying corporal helps, St. Thomas beautifully notes the difference between the obligation of parents toward children, and conversely of children toward parents. "The father," he says, "has the character of a principle; but the son has the character of one existing from a principle. Therefore per se it belongs to the father to assist the son, and on this account he must assist him not only for the present hour, but for his whole life," which is to treasure up. "But that the son confer something on the father, this is by accident by reason of some pressing necessity, in which he is bound to assist him, but not to treasure up, as it were, for the long term" (2. 2, q. 101, art. 2, ad 2).

Q. Whether a mother ought to nourish little children with her own milk?

Resp. It is affirmed, with the common opinion, because natural law seems to demand this. Yet this obligation does not urge under grave obligation, because otherwise a grave disorder does not appear. But necessity, notable utility, or a custom flourishing among noble families, etc., excuses from all fault; but then under grave obligation the mother must substitute for herself a nurse good as regards morals and health. - St. Alphonsus, n. 336. - Collet, etc., and others commonly against others more lax or more rigorous.

373. • III. By reason of state. Finally, parents are bound to procure for children a state in which at some time they may live honorably according to their condition. - Hence they sin:

1. Who do not apply at least moderate diligence so that they may acquire goods from which they may suitably sustain their children and provide for their future state, according to that saying of the Apostle, 2 Cor. 12. 14: For children ought not to treasure up for parents, but parents for children.

2. Who do not teach their children an art congruent with their state or another kind of living decently, nor take care that they be taught.

3. A fortiori, those who by laziness, negligence, drinking, feasting, games, imprudent business, dissipate the family estate.

4. Who, without legitimate cause, obstinately deny a daughter a suitable dowry for entering marriage or entrance into religion. - St. Alphonsus, n. 335.

374. • Parents are especially bound to procure spiritual education for children. The reason is that man, besides material or corporal existence, which he has in common with the other animals, is endowed by God with a rational and most noble soul, created to the image of the Divinity Himself; and he has been founded so that he may tend to God as the supernatural ultimate end. Therefore he must especially be instructed and directed to this end by parents; for matrimony has been raised to the dignity of a Sacrament for this reason, that the offspring born may be reborn in Christ and be prepared for eternal life. Hence the Apostle, 1 Tim. 5. 8: If anyone does not have care of his own, and especially of those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel. - But for this education there is required: 1. doctrine; 2. correction; 3. example.

I. Doctrine. Parents are bound, per se or through suitable instructors, to teach children in good morals, in the observance of the commandments of God, in faith, and in all things necessary for salvation, because they must teach them in the way by which they may come to God. Hence Deut. 11. 49: Teach your children (my words) that they may meditate on them. - Ecclus. 7. 25: Are children yours? Instruct them from their childhood.

Therefore parents must diligently take care: 1. that children be regenerated by the grace of Baptism as soon as possible; 2. that from most tender childhood they teach them the principal heads of Christian doctrine and incline their hearts to God; 3. that from the first years they accustom them to morning and evening prayers, to the Offices of the Church and Catechisms, and also turn them away from the deceptive allurements, pomps, and pleasures of the world; 4. that they set over them teachers conspicuous in doctrine and especially in gravity of morals; 5. that they watch day and night lest they be corrupted by depraved companions, conversations, and readings.

375. • II. Correction. Parents are bound to correct delinquent children. Hence Prov. 13. 24: He who spares the rod hates his son. - And 23. 13: Do not withdraw discipline from the boy; for if you strike him with the rod, he will not die. - Ibid. 14: You will strike him with the rod, and will free his soul from hell. - Ephes. 6. 4: And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but educate them in the discipline and correction of the Lord.

But correction, in order to be useful, must be moderate and prudent. For immoderate chastisement is known to harm more than to profit, since it renders children morose, stupid, pusillanimous, and sometimes affected with desperation; indeed, in place of the love owed to parents, it is accustomed to beget contempt or even deadly hatred.

III. Example. Parents owe good example to children, because: 1. examples draw in some way more efficaciously than words to following, especially if they are furnished by Superiors; 2. because if parents themselves are known to be imbued with evil morals, their words will move children little to follow good morals. - Hence St. Jerome, epist. 7 to Laeta, says: Remember that you, parents of a virgin, can teach her more by examples than by voice.

376. Resolves. - 1. Parents sin gravely who, spending all care only on temporal things, so forget spiritual things that not even they themselves know the things which are necessary for obtaining salvation, much less instruct their children or take care that they be instructed.

2. Parents sin gravely who, so that they may spare expenses, altogether neglect the spiritual education of their children.

3. Parents sin gravely per se who, by excessive indulgence, notably neglect to correct children when otherwise this would be necessary; but no less do they sin who proceed against children with too grave penalties, for example if they mutilate them, or inflict on them a grave wound or blows and beatings so grave that their life or health receives notable detriment.

4. Parents likewise perpetrate a twofold sin when they utter filthy words and obscene speeches while the children are listening, spew out curses and imprecations, belch forth oaths and blasphemies. For by these depraved examples they bring it about that the children learn all these things and imitate the same.

5. Parents sin gravely, at least generally, who send children to heretical or impious schools, or commit them to a heretical or impious teacher, or one ruined in morals, so that they may learn the human sciences. But how many incautious and cruel progenitors in our times bind themselves by so unspeakable a crime! From them the most just Judge will require soul for soul in the tremendous judgment. - See Cases, n. 368 and following.

377. Questions. - Q. 1. What are the obligations of other blood-relations ascending and descending?

Resp. They are generally the same with due proportion as those of parents with respect to children, and vice versa; for all these, by reason of the generation of some by others, are bound to one another by a strict bond of piety, especially if, when parents are lacking, ascendants assume the care of grandchildren. - Thus all.

Q. 2. What are the mutual obligations of brothers and sisters?

Resp. 1. They ought to follow one another with mutual love, not only with common affection, as other men, but with a peculiar love on account of the close bond of blood.

Resp. 2. They ought also to assist one another as regards the necessities of life, not only in extreme necessity, but also in grave necessity. - Thus all. - See St. Alphonsus, n. 340.