Chapter — Gury-Ballerini, Compendium of Moral Theology (8th ed., 1884)
Chapter III. On the Obligations of Spouses
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- I. Spouses are bound:
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- To mutual love. For since they are one flesh, they must also be one heart. Thus Ephes. 5. 25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church. - Tit. 2. 4: (Wives) are to love their husbands.
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- To conjugal society and cohabitation. This is clear from the nature and ends of matrimony, and from the words of Christ, Matt. 19. 5: A man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall be in one flesh.
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- To food and whatever pertains to the honorable sustaining of their condition, to be furnished to one another: For now they are not two, but one flesh, Matt. 19. 6. - For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, Ephes. 5. 29.
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- To rendering the conjugal debt to one another, when it is seriously sought and no legitimate cause of denying it is present; because they bound themselves to this. Hence the Apostle, 1 Cor. 7. 4: The woman does not have power over her own body, but the man; and likewise also the man does not have power over his own body, but the woman (namely in order to generation).
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- II. The husband is bound in particular:
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- Studiously to manage the family estate, and to administer with due diligence both common goods and the proper goods of the wife.
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- To take care that the wife fulfill the duties of the Christian profession and execute the precepts of both divine and ecclesiastical law. For the man is the head of the woman and the ruler of the whole family; and therefore the right governance both of the wife and of the other members of the family pertains to him.
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- To correct a delinquent wife, where this work is needed for her amendment and for forestalling scandal. But correction must proceed from charity or love of justice or zeal for procuring the right governance of the family, and be much lighter than the fault deserves, because the wife is the companion of the man, not a slave. Care must besides be taken lest peace and love perish between them.
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- III. The wife, on her part, is bound:
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- To reverence the husband, because he is her Superior, as is clear from what has been said and from the words of Gen. 3. 16: Thou shalt be under the power of the man, and he shall rule over thee.
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- To furnish obedience to him; because obedience is owed to a Superior in those things which pertain to governance; and the Apostle to the Colossians 3. 18 says: Women, be subject to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.
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- To bear care of the house in the family estate, and therefore to perform the offices of the family, such as to prepare foods, sweep the house, wash linens, mend torn clothes, and furnish other things of this sort. Yet a noble wife can fulfill the lower offices through servants or maids, provided she watches over them and takes care that the domestic matter is well managed.
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- Resolves. - 1. A husband can sin gravely if he pursues his wife with insults, for example by calling her an adulteress, a witch, etc.; if without just cause he impedes her from fulfilling divine or ecclesiastical precepts, or from very useful devotions, for example from discreet frequency of the Sacraments; if he treats her in a tyrannical manner like a vile slave; if he does not cohabit with her; if he neglects the governance of the family, etc. - St. Alphonsus, n. 356.
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- A wife likewise can sin gravely if she is accustomed to deride and mock her husband; if by harsh words, contumacious disobedience, or excessive moroseness she provokes him to anger and blasphemies, etc.
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- The husband ordinarily ought to begin correction of the wife by words gentler words, and if these do not profit, to come down to graver correction. Sometimes he must dissemble the defects of the wife, when he can do this without sin, and not be excessive in correcting; but sometimes he should defer correction for a time, lest correction seem to proceed from the heat of anger and lack fruit, while the wife is less disposed to receive it.
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- Let the confessor not immediately believe a spouse complaining against a spouse, especially if the wife inveighs against the husband; because women generally are prone to lying. Wherefore it is better, with the matter dissembled, to commend to them prayer, patience, mildness, and greater solicitude for furnishing services to the husband.
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- Let the wife be silent while the husband is angry or drunk; if an admonition seems likely to profit, let her admonish while the husband is well disposed; if an angry man must be answered, let her answer gently: for a soft answer breaks anger, and a hard one arouses fury. If these obtain nothing, let her take care that the husband be admonished through the Parish Priest or another prudent man.