Article II: On the Chastity and Intercourse of Betrothed Persons

I. Lawful things among betrothed persons. - N.B. By the name of betrothed persons here are called not only those who are bound by a valid sponsal pact, but all those for whom, whether from a pact of this kind or from an equivalent introduction of one into the house of the other, there is a certain and mutual hope of matrimony.

1. Honorable significations of love are altogether lawful between betrothed persons, according to the custom of the country, for example kisses, moderately used. Nor is sensible delight, not carnal, which accompanies a demonstration of this kind, to be rejected. For the end of conciliating and fostering mutual love in order to matrimony is honorable; and delight follows the nature of the operation.

2. But because no handing over of bodies has been made by sponsals, and sponsals prepare matrimony by the union of souls alone, they can indeed permit venereal delight, which easily, in the present condition of men, accompanies or follows the more general sensible delight, but they cannot deliberately seek or admit it. Rather, they must resist and positively renounce the rising carnal motion. And on account of the danger of consenting to carnal delight, betrothed persons are to be dissuaded from seeking kisses or conversations expressly and deliberately for the sake of sensible delight. But they are to be led to propose to themselves a higher end.

But what if the bridegroom asks for or impresses a kiss outwardly honorable and customary in appearance, but which the bride suspects or even knows is asked for or impressed with an affection or intention less good? Since the exterior act is good, she will have an easy excuse from the circumstances if consent is given to that alone.

Things to be counseled. 1. Since betrothed persons are very prone to excesses, they are to be admonished that they mingle tender conversations temperately and rather sparingly, nor exceed the native custom of upright persons in demonstrations. Especially let them beware of more frequent kisses, of kisses given on the lips rather than on the cheeks, of amorous embraces: for these are wont to move the flesh gravely. Although some excess is not immediately to be condemned as mortal; nor is that circumspection to be advised which permits nothing except a constrained manner of acting: a counselor too severe is little heard.

But betrothed persons should formally repudiate venereal delight. And that he may act sincerely, the bridegroom who, in demonstrating affections, feels pollution more imminent, must gently interrupt the demonstration, if he can do so conveniently.

2. As much as is necessary for avoiding dangers of this kind, the bride, through parents or a person endowed with authority, is to be especially exhorted from the beginning not to permit anything illicit. Let her know that this is not only wicked, dangerous to reputation, and damaging to her liberty of withdrawing, but also rather opposed to future happiness and to the present constancy of the young man. To present constancy, since a person easily consenting to sin is esteemed less, since nuptials are rendered less lovable to him who already before has obtained everything which he could seek in the conjugal state alone. To future happiness, since, at least in part, she will have rendered vain that wise ordination of divine Providence by which the new burdens of matrimony are relieved by new joys.

At the same time let her know that more things can more easily be exercised by her than by the young man without carnal commotion. Wherefore, with charity itself impelling, let her not admit many significations of love, still less solicit them, but let her follow this brief rule: let her not perform more than what can be performed before others, especially parents.

Moreover, the longer nuptials must be deferred, the more moderately one must act, lest the sponsals become a proximate occasion of sin, and because by too much intercourse disgust is easily generated.

For preventing dangers, the frequent use of the sacraments through the sponsals is greatly to be advised.

Duties of parents. Since betrothed persons are very subject to evil temptations, parents commit a grave sin when the intercourse of the betrothed has not been a care to them, or when they imprudently permit them to be alone. Therefore scruple is to be struck into them.

— Betrothed persons who frequently fall into sins which without sponsals they would avoid, if matrimony is rather near at hand, are regularly to be treated as persons dwelling in a necessary occasion. This, therefore, by apt means, caution and use of the sacraments, is to be converted from proximate into remote.

But if matrimony cannot be made soon, even then not rarely it is to be held as a more or less necessary occasion, either because the danger does not arise from the special circumstances of that intercourse, or because the occasion of matrimony is of singular value and will with difficulty be present again. Where a reason of this kind exists, one will have to act almost in the same way as in the former hypothesis.

If an excuse of this kind is lacking, a proximate occasion which is not more easily converted into remote is of itself to be deserted.

But if, as not rarely happens, it cannot be obtained that the betrothed soon marry or break off or suspend their commerce, at least let visits be made rarer, with cautions used, and, especially from girls, let assiduous access to the sacraments and use of a stable confessor be required.

I. Not only honorable but also useful is a promise of matrimony, especially bilateral, since it fosters peace of souls, prepares happier marriages, and meanwhile aids chastity itself. These promises are subject to the general rules of promises; they can be absolute or conditioned; but all, if there is question of nuptials of Catholics or of mixed nuptials, must be made in the solemn form of writing duly signed. Nevertheless a promise fraudulently made, even invalid, begets the obligation of repairing damages, and hence also, sometimes, of contracting nuptials. But this obligation must be imposed circumspectly.

Moreover he sins by fraud who has concealed occult defects by which nuptials are rendered pernicious or damaging, or notably useless for the ends of matrimony; proportionate inconvenience excuses from revealing defects which render nuptials merely less desirable.

2. But promises of themselves are not to be made without consulting parents. Although an action is not given for urging the celebration itself of matrimony, nevertheless he sins gravely who withdraws from validly promised nuptials without the consent of the other party or without grave cause, which is judged to be present whenever the marriage is foreseen to be going to be unhappy.

Betrothed persons cannot promise nuptials to others; and, sinning luxuriously with others, they are considered unjust in some way: nevertheless the gravity of the circumstance of sponsals is disputed.

II. 1. Betrothed persons have, in the sponsals themselves, even broadly so called, a just cause for demonstrating mutual love by customary signs.

2. Nevertheless they can consent to no venereal delight. But for receiving a kiss outwardly honorable, although vitiated by intention, they will draw a sufficiently easy excuse from the circumstances.