Article V: On Defect in the Use of Marriage

S. Th., Suppl., q. 64; q. 59, a. 6; q. 62.

959. Defect in the use of matrimony is not had if either spouse, with the consent of the other party, or both, by mutual consent, do not wish to use their right to the acts of conjugal life, but when, while the other party is urging his right and justly demanding the conjugal debt, the other denies it without a just reason. For since the use of matrimony must be regulated by the moral virtue of chastity, which is in the mean of reason, in it, just as there can be excess, so also there can be defect. Concerning this the following principles hold.

960. Principle I. The conjugal act, of itself, must obligatorily be rendered to the other party who has a right to it and justly demands it. - For copula can be demanded from justice by either spouse, because each has power over the body of the other party, and indeed from a bilateral onerous contract, so that of itself and generally the other party is bound to render it; for which reason it is commonly called the conjugal debt. Hence spouses in this matter are equal in right (can. 1111), and between them there is justice strictly so called and commutative. Hence the Apostle, I Cor. VII, 3-4: Let the husband render the debt to the wife; and likewise also the wife to the husband. The woman does not have power over her own body, but the man. Likewise also the man does not have power over his own body, but the woman.

A. Of asking there is no obligation of itself, because no one is bound to use his own right; by accident an obligation from charity and piety can exist, for example if the spouse judges that the other party, being in danger of incontinence, does not dare through shame to ask, or if the use of matrimony appears necessary for fostering love or averting dissensions.

B. Of rendering there exists an obligation grave of itself from justice, whenever one party reasonably, seriously, and legitimately asks, whether expressly or tacitly, because they have mutually handed over their bodies for conjugal use in the matrimonial contract; but to deny this of itself brings grave annoyance to the other. By accident, however, it will be light, as if the debt is rarely denied, for example once in a month to one asking more frequently; if it is deferred for a short time, for example from day to night, from night to morning; if the other asks remissly, not insistently, and easily acquiesces in the refusal; provided that in these circumstances there is absent danger of incontinence or of another grave inconvenience.

961. Principle II. The obligation of rendering the conjugal debt ceases in one, when the right of asking ceases in the other. - This can happen for many reasons:

a) If the spouse asking has admitted formal, certain, consummated adultery (sodomy properly so called, bestiality): for faith is broken with one who breaks faith. Except if the other has sinned similarly, or has been an accomplice in the sin, or, knowing and willing it, has condoned the sin (can. 1129).

b) If the one asking altogether lacks the use of reason or is in a state of complete drunkenness, as long as the state lasts: for one who lacks the use of reason does not ask in a reasonable and human manner.¹

¹ There can also be danger for offspring to be conceived from copula undertaken after much intoxicating drinking, namely lest it be born foolish, or deaf-mute, or liable to drunkenness.

c) If copula is the cause of grave danger or extrinsic inconvenience, either for the one rendering, or for the one asking, or for the offspring already conceived;² nevertheless, with a sufficient reason being present (for example, dissensions to be avoided, or one's own incontinence or that of the other party), one could, from charity, render to the other party and expose oneself to one's own danger, unless, however, death would threaten from the copula.3

² Specifically, there is a grave inconvenience of denying:

a) if the wife suffers from incipient cancer of the uterus, so that after coitus she is subjected to abundant emission of blood;

b) if she undergoes coitus with very acute pain which is repeated in each copula;

c) if she herself is gravely ill or if the other party suffers from a contagious disease, such as leprosy, venereal disease, which either brings danger of quick infection or excites an insuperable horror;

d) if either party suffers from an organic defect of the heart: for then coitus not only gravely harms, but can even produce sudden death;

e) if the wife knows by experience or by the judgment of a physician that in childbirth she undergoes grave danger of death.

Hence P. Vermeersch says, o. c., n. 225: "If a physician declares that a new conception will certainly be fatal for the wife, the wife must decline copula. But if death is not so imminent, the wife can put herself into danger for a grave cause. For since the conception itself is doubtful, the danger seems neither to have arisen nor to be proximate. But on these matters one must approach a physician at once skilled and God-fearing. For there are not lacking those who, because of slight indications, inconsiderately prohibit persons not very continent from the honorable use of matrimony. Wherefore Genicot judges that such danger from a future childbirth is very rarely certain, such that there would be a grave obligation of abstaining from matrimony."

3. That this is according to the mind of St. Thomas is clear from his response to the fourth objection, a. 1, q. 64.

d) If the other party asks immoderately, for example several times (three or four times) in the same night.1

e) If he asks in a manner illicit not only on the part of the agent but on the part of the act itself, for example that it be done onanistically, sodomitically, with scandal of others, etc.

But a graver harm is required for denying the debt absolutely than for deferring or restricting its rendering. Thus the weakness of the wife or great weariness, which does not suffice for absolutely denying copula, can be a reason for delaying the rendering or for denying it when it is as frequent as is sought by the husband. Hence:

1° Wives sin gravely who, in rendering the debt, show themselves difficult and slow, with danger of incontinence or adultery in the husband, or with the intention of deterring him from asking; likewise if they do not concede the debt except under compulsion, if they harshly and contumeliously reproach the husband for his requests, indeed if they obstinately deny it, even for one time, while he asks seriously and insistently.

2° Husbands also sin gravely who, whether from avarice in order to avoid offspring, or from ill-will, rarely know their wives.

3° Spouses are bound to the common bed (can. 1128) because of the obligation of rendering; therefore of itself it is illicit for one, without the consent of the other or with danger of incontinence, to be absent for a longer time; for this is equivalent to a denial of the debt; by accident it is licit because of grave causes, for example a notable good of the republic or of the family.

4° Hence he is unjust who illicitly separates himself or seeks civil divorce.

5° It is illicit for spouses to render themselves unable for copula or generation by excessive labors, vigils, austerities, or a fortiori by pollutions, adulteries, or other illicit acts. Hence husbands are guilty of grave and special injustice who, against the will of the wife, have admitted vasectomy for this reason, or castration, so that they cannot generate, or so emaciate the body that they render themselves almost unequal to the conjugal act, or practice neo-Malthusian arts; likewise on the other hand wives who, without the knowledge of the husband or against his will, not from the necessity of a present infection, but in order to obtain sterility or to avoid a future pregnancy, even a dangerous one, procure for themselves the excision of the ovaries or the interruption of the oviduct, or apply an occlusive pessary to the opening of the uterus, or use other neo-Malthusian means; likewise physicians who by their art perform the aforesaid excisions or operations or cooperate with them in any way.

6° Spouses are not excused from the obligation of rendering because of inconveniences inherent in matrimony, for example more numerous offspring, the inconveniences of gestation, ordinary difficulties of childbirth, grave and unusual but brief pains, light pains although long-lasting, etc., because these burdens are annexed to matrimony and they undertook them in entering matrimony.

7° Nevertheless the wife seems to be excused from rendering the debt if the husband by his own fault leaves the wife in extreme poverty, or does not wish to feed the offspring, or has no care of the family.

1. Men are not accustomed, much less women, to exceed the measure in asking the debt except in the first months after the marriage has been contracted, at which time also the moral difficulty will be slight, either because the husband more rarely intends to urge his strict right, or because he will willingly yield to the wife modestly begging off (Genicot, Th. M., II, n. 554).

962. Observations. - 1. Ordinarily the confessor is not bound, nor is it fitting for him, to question wives, except in the more modest manner he can, whether they have rendered the debt, for example whether they obey the husband in matters which pertain to matrimony, or whether anything troubles the conscience concerning matrimony; concerning the rest let him be silent unless he has been questioned. For the most part wives little fearing God are to be questioned in this matter, especially when they confess that they have been angry with their husbands. But this questioning ordinarily is to be omitted with wives of a God-fearing conscience.

2. When questioned, the confessor can propose to married persons who are pressed by anxiety concerning the baser things which they do between themselves the threefold rule indicated above, n. 948; - from further questions concerning the nature of the fact he should generally abstain; - besides, each should be taught: a) the husband, that he should not ask the debt at those times in which copula can be gravely harmful to the wife, for example at the time of purgation or of grave sickness; b) the wife, that she is bound under grave sin to obey the husband in rendering the debt, unless she is excused by a just cause, for example by infirmity.

3. A girl who asks what is licit or prescribed for her in matrimony soon to be contracted, the confessor should bid to ask her mother or another female relative whom she can trust; but if she has no woman of this kind at hand, he should teach her briefly and in a more honorable manner. Simply to send her back to the husband, so that she should conform herself to all his desires, already today does not seem expedient, since so many men now seek means against nature; - unless in a case in which the honesty of the husband is beyond every exception. Sometimes provisionally he will be able to say: that the husband is to be obeyed, unless sin is clearly certain; but if there is doubt, this is afterwards to be explained to the confessor.

4. Let the confessor beware lest he make untimely or excessive questions to spouses about various modes of coming together, since these not only are useless, but can also beget scandal. Wherefore if the penitent gives rise to a prudent suspicion, it will be enough for the confessor to inquire whether there was anything against nature or voluntary pollution; concerning the rest let him not speak unless questioned.

5. In matrimony, that matters may proceed in a happier manner, spouses should attend so that in the use of matrimony they consult the satisfaction of the other rather than their own; specifically:

a) that the husband: 1. begin to approach the wife not in a harsh but in a gentle manner; 2. use his right discreetly, and thus 3. foster and increase the affection of love in the wife;

b) similarly the wife should provide to the husband: 1. facility, by which she is ready, in rendering the debt, to please the husband; likewise 2. cleanliness; and 3. the order and neatness of the house.

6. A twofold danger occurs to matrimonial chastity from a twofold vicious inclination: namely to adultery and to onanism.

A. For impeding the first, occasions must be avoided: therefore let the husband not be so imprudent as to foster frequent society of the wife or friendship with other men; likewise the wife: a) should not introduce to the husband or keep at home another younger woman, for example a sister or a beautiful maidservant; b) should not permit the husband separate attendance at theaters or worldly gatherings; c) should not herself have a separate bed.

B. To avoid onanism it is necessary to restrain the imagination together with egoism. Specifically spouses:

a) in true humility, content with their modest condition, should not be tormented by desire for a higher one,

b) should prefer labor for feeding numerous children to heaping up riches or to leisure,

c) in the spirit of Christian abnegation, should be willing to be deprived of various delights for the good instruction of offspring.

7. Moreover, that they may be able to exercise conjugal chastity, it is necessary that spouses, endowed with virtue, master passion and be fit to preserve continence for a time, as is sometimes necessary during pregnancy, or at the time of childbirth and purgation, or because of sickness or infirmity. But if they can do this, they will also be able to avoid onanism quite easily.