Question Three: On the Office of Parents Toward Children

824. Offices of parents in general. - By natural and divine law, under grave obligation, from piety parents are bound to exhibit to children 1) special love, on account of their special conjunction to them, and indeed always; 2) corporal and spiritual education, from the fact that they are a principle for children as to being and direction (Prov. XXIII, 13; Eccli. VII, 25; Eph. VI, 4; Col. III, 21); and 3) a certain paternal providence for rightly establishing life, until the children can provide for themselves.

825. The office of love. - Parents are bound to love their children with a special love, affective and effective, internal and external, natural and supernatural: natural indeed because children are something of themselves, but supernatural because they themselves are cooperators of God in sanctifying children as in procreating them.

Therefore let the love of parents toward children be:

1. Affective and internal, so that they sincerely will their good as to body and as to soul, for the present time and for the future. Hence they sin gravely per se who deliberately pursue children unjustly with hatred, malevolence, or another evil affection, who from the soul curse them or wish evil upon them, who call them by gravely contumelious names or provoke them to anger by very injurious words (Eph. VI, 4), who treat them too harshly, beat them without cause, or cast them out of the house; not, however, those who for a just cause severely rebuke children and moderately chastise them. In practice, parents who, moved by anger, have affected children with very injurious words or treated them too harshly are often excused from grave sin; unless, however, they have given grave scandal.

2. Moderate, so that it is regulated by reason and rests upon faith; hence let it not be:

a) Excessive: let them not love children with an almost idolatrous love, conceding all things to them, nor correcting them even minimally in vices; which is nothing except cruel kindness toward them.

b) Nor partial: let them not give all affection to one, while cold and indifferent toward the others; but let them love all equally and not make a distinction without a just cause, and even if a distinction can reasonably be made, let them not demonstrate it too much, so that envies, contentions, quarrels, which otherwise easily arise, may be avoided. A fortiori the children of a prior marriage cannot be abandoned; nor may those who are precisely less worthy be cherished with greater affection.

c) Nor egoistic: let parents not love for themselves, but for the children themselves and for God.

3. Effective and external, so that parents not only will good to children, but also do good to them as far as they can. Therefore not only those sin who wish evil to children, but also those who do not avert evil, whether corporal or spiritual, from them when they can; or who do not furnish what is necessary for their good or salvation. To this they ought especially to attend in educating children.

826. The office of education. - Education is the progressive and harmonious development of the faculties, by which infants are transformed into perfect men: progressive indeed, because man naturally can attain perfection only step by step and is impeded in this by many obstacles; but harmonious, by which all his faculties, whether corporal or spiritual and moral, are cultivated proportionately to their importance, so that the whole man is formed. Whence education ought to be chiefly spiritual, so that it eradicates evil inclinations, restrains untamed passions and directs them to good, strengthens good qualities and orders them to human perfection; but also corporal, so that the body is perfectly disposed for its proper operations, and is a fitting instrument of the soul: let there be a sound mind in a sound body. Moreover education ought to be manly, fitting, that is, proportioned to the disposition of the child and preparing him for his future condition, and Christian, ordered to the supernatural end.

A. Corporal education imports three things: for it intends the life, nourishment, and state of the children.

1. As to life, as soon as it is established that an infant has been conceived, parents are bound under grave obligation to avoid everything which probably could harm the life of the child; wherefore:

a) The mother ought to abstain from those dances, violent motions and actions, and all other things which induce more vehement shocks of the body, from immoderate labors, excitements, anxieties, drinks, lustful acts, angers, in one word from those things which can induce abortion of the fetus or a harmful influence upon it.

b) The husband also ought to avert from his pregnant wife all things which would be to her detriment; whence he himself, as all others, would sin if he treated a pregnant woman inhumanely, exasperated her, struck her, with danger to the fetus.

c) After the birth of offspring, parents ought carefully to watch that from it there be kept away whatever would induce danger of death; especially that they not keep the little one with themselves in bed with danger of suffocation.

2. As to nourishment, parents per se are bound under grave obligation to furnish sufficient nourishment and the other things necessary for sustenance, namely, food, clothing, and dwelling, until the children are able to provide for themselves: for they are bound to guard the life of those to whom they gave it. In particular:

a) The mother is bound to nourish children with her own milk, as often as this can be done, both because nature itself inclines to this, and because maternal milk is the most natural nourishment, indeed the only perfectly apt one, and also because on the part of a nurse there can not rarely be danger for the health or morals of the infant; wherefore a mother not nursing fails in an office imposed by nature. The office indeed is not always and necessarily grave, yet it would be grave in the case in which, from the defect of the mother and the use of another nurse, great future evils are probably foreseen; nevertheless mothers are excused from this office on account of scarcity of milk or weakness, their own infirmity, or another reasonable cause, such as labor for procuring food for themselves, but not on account of mere custom.

b) Afterward the father especially, and if he is lacking also the mother, are bound to furnish all things necessary for the honorable sustenance of children according to their condition, nor are they altogether immune from this obligation if the son has dissipated the part given to him; indeed the father ought to pay debts contracted by the son for procuring food for himself, but not other debts.

The office lasts until the age at which children are able to provide for themselves; but even afterward, if they are in extreme or grave necessity, parents are especially bound from piety to help them.

c) Parents sin against piety who do not apply moderate diligence to acquiring goods by which children may be fed. Likewise those who, without grave necessity, expose offspring in public ways or at the door of an orphanage, so that they may free themselves from the burden of feeding it, when they can easily provide for its education; also against justice, by harming the offspring whom they induce into suspicion of illegitimate origin, or even sometimes into danger of life. Nevertheless, in the case of illegitimate offspring, prudence can suggest this in certain circumstances, as we noted above (n. 388).

3. As to state, parents ought to take care that by corporal exercise and labor proportioned to age, children develop physical strength in an orderly way and establish health, so that the body may be a fitting instrument of the soul and they themselves may be apt for a becoming state. Let parents avoid an education that is too delicate, so that children may be strengthened against the inclemencies of weather and be content with substantial but simple and moderate food.

B. Spiritual education imports five things: religious and Christian instruction, the discipline of virtue, good example, vigilance, and correction.

1. As to instruction, parents are bound under grave obligation, either by themselves or partly through others, to hand on to their children Catholic doctrine concerning all things necessary for salvation and for Christian life; hence parents ought to take care:

a) that children be baptized as soon as possible, so that they may receive faith and grace, necessary for Christian instruction; notable delay of Baptism is a grave sin, and even a small delay, if danger for the life of the child is absent;

b) that children from tender years learn the principal truths of faith, and ordinary prayers; but if they are notably negligent in this, parents sin gravely.

2. As to the moral discipline of virtue, parents are bound to form children to the love of God and the practice of virtue, so that they keep the commandments of God and of the Church and be imbued with honorable and Christian morals; hence they ought to take care:

a) that children become accustomed to the exercises of Christian life which are common to all: morning and evening prayers, hearing Mass, frequenting the church and catechism, reception of the sacraments of Penance and Eucharist, etc.

b) that they avoid depraved companions and dangerous readings, and not be corrupted by impious or dishonest servants or companions;

c) that they learn to exercise virtues, especially those which more suit their age: piety, obedience, charity, justice and sincerity, chastity, meekness, etc.

3. As to good example, recalling the axiom, Examples move more efficaciously than words, they ought to furnish to children an example of honorable and Christian life, and a fortiori carefully to abstain from all things which can scandalize them, not only from sins, such as blasphemies, imprecations, immodest acts, but also from incautious ways of speaking and acting, especially regarding religion and chastity.

4. As to vigilance by which they ought to guard children, they must remove from them all things which can be harmful: companions, books, schools, spectacles, dangerous courtships, or things by which they may inflict harm on others; and procure that children fulfill their offices duly.

5. As to correction, parents are bound to correct delinquent children moderately, with kindness and discretion indeed, but also with firmness, not with harshness or passion, and as though reproving everything; namely, so that it may be manifest that this is done for the sake of necessary amendment, not from anger (Eph. VI, 4; Col. III, 21; Prov. XXIII, 13).

Parents who are very negligent in the office of vigilance or correction are gravely guilty toward their children.

827. Corollary on Catholic schools. - Parents who cannot provide by themselves for perfect education are bound to send them to honorable teachers and good schools. Concerning this canon 1374 says: "Catholic children are not to frequent non-Catholic, neutral, or mixed schools, namely, those which are open also to non-Catholics. But it belongs to the local Ordinary alone to decide, according to the norm of the instructions of the Apostolic See, in what circumstances and with what precautions employed, so that danger of perversion may be avoided, it can be tolerated that those schools be attended."

Therefore schools are distinguished: non-Catholic, which are destined for non-Catholics, and in which heresy, unbelief, or religious indifferentism, or even atheism, is positively taught; neutral, which in education negatively abstract from every religion, but teach nothing heretical or impious; mixed, which are open also to non-Catholics. Now not only 1) positively non-Catholic schools are to be condemned, as those which of themselves constitute a proximate danger of perversion, but 2) neutral or mixed schools also are very dangerous, because in them a) the dignity of religion is much diminished in the minds of adolescents, if they see it relegated within domestic walls; b) indifferentism is necessarily fostered, since they see teachers and fellow-students not much caring for religion or even openly attacking it, and since it can scarcely happen that abstraction be made altogether from religion, especially in historical and moral matters, but often, under the pretext of neutrality, Catholic doctrine is attacked or derided; c) finally, not rarely purity of morals is exposed to great dangers.

Hence 1) it is gravely illicit to send children to positively non-Catholic schools, in which proximate danger of perversion cannot be removed;

2. if, all circumstances having been considered, the danger can be removed with moral certainty, and, other schools of the same grade and kind being lacking, a grave reason urges attendance at such schools, this can be tolerated, provided the necessary precautions are employed, and a) outside school the students receive Christian instruction and education in religion and good morals, especially concerning those things which are attacked in the schools; b) parents watch solicitously lest children suffer detriment in religion or morals from lectures heard, depraved books, or association with depraved companions;

3. it is also regularly illicit to send children to neutral schools, on account of the danger which usually adheres to them; nevertheless it can more easily be permitted for a grave reason, and with the necessary precautions always employed.

To judge concerning the concrete circumstances in which attendance at the aforesaid schools can be tolerated, and concerning the precautions to be employed for this, belongs to the local Ordinary alone.

For practice it follows that parents cannot be absolved:

a) if they send children to non-Catholic schools for this reason, that they approve their principles, and therefore prefer them to Catholic schools;

b) generally, if they commit children to be instructed by positively non-Catholic schools, from which ordinarily the danger of perversion cannot be removed;

c) if they hand over children to a negatively non-Catholic or neutral school without at the same time taking care that the danger of perversion be removed;

d) besides, even if parents per se are excused by fitting motives, per accidens they can sin gravely and become unworthy of absolution by reason of scandal or cooperation in promoting depraved schools.

For that reason let Catholics not undertake the office of teaching in these schools, unless for a proportionately grave cause and scandal being excluded. And if priests teach Christian doctrine there, let the people prudently be warned that this is done so that the evils which flow from schools of this kind may be averted as far as possible, and that parents are not therefore excused from sending their children to truly Catholic schools.

These principles hold concerning schools of every grade: primary, secondary, and higher schools and universities.

828. The office of providence. - Parents ought to provide concerning the state of their children and help them, so that they may be able to embrace a state suited to their condition, disposition, and aptitude and to follow their vocation. Hence:

a) They ought to take care that boys and girls learn an art or letters, so that afterward they may be able to live honorably according to their condition. Nevertheless negligence of this office per se would not be grave if the children already had from elsewhere that from which they might live.

Therefore: 1) since at least elementary knowledge is usually required in our cultivated regions in almost any state of life, lest someone with disgrace be forced to occupy a place inferior to others, parents are rightly judged to be bound to procure that knowledge for all their children, unless they are excused by moral impossibility; which impossibility rarely exists, for even the poor find a means of suitable instruction;

2. but they are not bound to procure higher knowledge for children, unless this is commonly had in that social condition in which they are found; indeed parents of an inferior condition ought to beware lest thus they be a burden to themselves, to the family, and to the State.

b) They ought to furnish counsel to children concerning choosing a state of life according to their condition.

For since parents are strong with greater experience and know their children better, they can help incautious youths much in this matter, yet they cannot bring force or compel, as was noted above, n. 822.

c) They ought to furnish help, so that the children may be able to attain the state which they have chosen; hence:

1. If they are richer, parents are bound to help their children in some measure, so that more easily they may be able to attend to their art or industry and sustain themselves and their family, when they have married.

2. Where the custom has prevailed that daughters be given dowries so that they may be able to marry more easily according to their condition, parents are also bound to this; unless they justly dissent from a determinate marriage.

3. They ought to apply moderate diligence so that they may leave to children an inheritance suited to their state (II Cor. XII, 14); and they sin gravely if they squander goods, so that they render themselves unable to provide for children or leave them needy. The office of providence lasts until children have attained a state or have married; then per se it ceases. Yet if afterward children fall into temporal or spiritual necessity, before all others parents ought to bring help, not only from charity but also from the special debt of piety.

829. Remarks. - 1. When parents are lacking, guardians and sponsors are bound concerning the education of children.

2. Teachers owe instruction and education to pupils, both from piety, because in the place of parents they take this obligation upon themselves, and from justice, namely, by reason of the office undertaken and by reason of the stipend paid. Hence teachers sin, and if they gravely neglect, they must make restitution:

a) If they do not perfect themselves in letters, insofar as there is need, if they do not apply due diligence in instruction, if they teach pupils false and inept things; which is graver in proportion as the matter is of greater importance.

b) If they do not correct the evil morals of pupils or do not exclude from their schools boys imbued with evil morals, when this is necessary and possible: for in this the common good of the school ought to be preferred to the private good of some.

c) If they punish them unjustly or indiscreetly, or without sufficient inquiry.

d) If by evil example they harm their morals. But if they seduce pupils to sin, they themselves sin in a twofold way, namely, against the virtue which they positively violate, such as justice, chastity, religion, etc., and against piety, because they have taken upon themselves the care of the pupil in the place of parents.

3. Masters toward servants, besides the debts of justice which they have as toward workers, as was explained in n. 551, also have offices of piety toward those whom they have received into their family (Eccli. XXXIII, 31; Eph. VI, 9), and consequently they owe them love, education, especially if they are minors, and providence in temporal and spiritual matters.

Hence they ought:

a) to treat them kindly, to furnish them suitable nourishment, to have care for their bodily health, so also that in sickness or infirmity there be present for them an opportune remedy, which nevertheless they are not strictly bound to pay for, unless it has been otherwise agreed;

b) also to watch that they lead a Christian life, to warn the more negligent as may seem opportune, to furnish means of fulfilling religious offices, to ward off danger of perversion, to remove occasions of sin, especially where there are younger persons of different sex, to take care that they be instructed in religion;

c) to beware lest they be a scandal to them and by depraved example, incautious speech, or solicitation move them to sinning, or permit them to be moved by children or other domestics;

d) also to correct them, prudently and gently indeed, but firmly, when by blasphemies, filthy speech, impious discourses, illicit familiarities they scandalize others.