Article II. On the Obligations of Parents Toward Children

587. Parents are bound to show their children: 1. love; 2. bodily and spiritual education. As regards love and bodily education, nature itself dictates this, since even brute animals love and nourish their offspring. But because man has a rational soul, and especially because he has been elevated to the supernatural order, human parents must furthermore educate their children spiritually.¹⁰⁰⁷ The obligation of love never ceases, but the obligation of education ceases when its end ceases, namely, when the child has so matured that he is able to provide for himself in bodily and spiritual matters.

1. Love and its obligation and violation. Parents must love their children with a true and sincere love, both affective and effective, so that they not only put aside all hatred and every malevolence, but also wish their children well, do good to them, and assist them in necessities. For a father a son is, as it were, another self, since he has been begotten from his substance; and therefore a father must love his son as himself.¹⁰⁰⁸

Parents therefore sin:

a) who pursue their children with hatred, malevolence, or some other depraved affection;

b) who call them by insulting names or pour forth curses against them. Indeed, insulting words and curses of this sort are often uttered not seriously but from an impulse of anger, and then they are not such grave sins unless grave scandal arises from them; nevertheless, such words must be carefully avoided, since they do not remain without an evil effect. Hence it is said in Sacred Scripture: "The curse of the mother rooteth up the foundations [of the houses of her children]."¹⁰⁰⁹

c) who disclose the secret offenses of their children without just cause. Parents can sometimes disclose the offenses of their children to one another, provided that this serves the good of the family or of the children;

d) who unduly beat or otherwise punish their children, for example, by casting them out of the house;

e) who, while expending all affection upon one child, conduct themselves coldly or indifferently toward the others. For the worst effects customarily follow from such a manner of acting, for example, quarrels, strife, divisions, hatreds among the children, etc.;

f) who love them with a disordered affection, so that they grant or permit them everything and do not restrain them from vices and depraved habits. Such disordered love¹⁰¹⁰ is in truth a cruel indolence, causing the gravest injuries both to the parents and to the children themselves, as daily experience establishes.

¹⁰⁰⁷ The Code of Canon Law, c. 1113, says concerning this matter: "Parents are bound by a most grave obligation, according to their ability, to care for the education of their offspring, both religious and moral and physical and civil, and also to provide for their temporal good."

¹⁰⁰⁸ Cf. S. theol. 1, 2, q. 100, a. 5 ad 4.

¹⁰⁰⁹ Ecclus. 3:11.

¹⁰¹⁰ Affenliebe, amour aveugle [blind parental love, blind love].

588. 2. Bodily education and its obligation and violation. Bodily education creates two obligations: a) the preservation of life; b) the procuring of a suitable state of life.

a) By reason of preserving life, parents are gravely bound to exercise diligent care of their offspring from conception itself, so that its health may be preserved. Hence the following sin:

α) pregnant mothers who harm the fetus by dancing, disordered acts of lust, violent passions of anger or grief, etc.;

β) fathers who treat pregnant wives harshly, strike them, excite them to violent passions, or burden them with excessive labors;

γ) mothers who, without grave cause, do not nurse their offspring.¹⁰¹¹ For then notable bodily harm, and sometimes even spiritual harm, is accustomed to arise for the offspring. Bodily harm is accustomed to arise because no other food is as suitable for an infant as its own mother's milk. Spiritual harm can also occur if a strange nurse is given to the infant, because according to several physicians¹⁰¹² the moral qualities of the nurse in some measure influence the infant himself. And since those nurses are often mothers who have given birth from fornication, their moral qualities are sometimes bad. Moral harm also sometimes arises for the mother herself, who fails in her duty. For mothers, especially wealthy ones, are accustomed to withdraw themselves from this duty of nursing so that they may more easily attend worldly gatherings, dances, theaters, and other amusements. All of these things are of little use for their souls. There are, however, cases in which a mother is not bound to nurse her own offspring, provided a proportionately grave cause and an honorable end are present; for example, if she is too weak, if sufficient milk is lacking, or if otherwise she would have to omit work by which she must obtain her livelihood;

δ) parents who, without urgent necessity, expose their children in a foundling hospital¹⁰¹³ or in a public place. The reason is both that thus to desert children is against nature, and that offspring thus exposed will have no slight disgrace and harm throughout life from having been brought up in a foundling hospital and from having unknown parents. Above, n. 148, in the tract on justice, it was discussed whether wealthy parents are bound to repair the damages which arose for the foundling hospital from the education of exposed offspring;

ε) parents who do not provide their children with sufficient food, clothing, housing, and care during illness. Parents are bound to furnish all these things to their children until the time when they can provide necessities for themselves; indeed, even throughout their whole life if the children are in grave necessity.¹⁰¹⁴ But if the children are unable to obtain their livelihood through their own perversity, the parents are bound indeed to furnish those things which are altogether necessary for life, but not other things. Hence, for example, if a son has dissipated the entire inheritance already received, the father is nevertheless bound to feed him and to pay debts perhaps contracted for buying food; but he is by no means bound to pay other debts or to provide a prodigal son with anything beyond what is strictly necessary for life.

b) By reason of procuring a suitable state of life, parents are bound to take care that their children learn either some art or letters, insofar as this is possible in view of the means of the parents and the abilities of the children. Furthermore, parents must employ at least moderate diligence to leave a suitable inheritance to their children. For St. Paul says: "For neither ought the children to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children."¹⁰¹⁵

Hence parents sin who through sloth, negligence, drinking, games, etc., dissipate the family property so that the children's inheritance is notably diminished. Likewise parents sin who, without legitimate cause, deny a suitable dowry to a daughter for contracting marriage or entering religious life; but if they justly dissent from the marriage to be contracted, then they are not bound to provide a dowry, but only necessary support if the married daughter is in grave necessity.

¹⁰¹¹ Cf. W. Grosam, Die Stillpflicht der Mutter, in moral- und pastoraltheologischer Beleuchtung. Düsseldorf, 1924.

¹⁰¹² Cf. Capellmann-Bergmann, Pastoralmedizin (1902), p. 94: Das Ammenwesen; I. Antonelli, Medicina pastoralis I (1906), n. 498: De nutricibus venalibus.

¹⁰¹³ Findelhaus, enfants trouvés, foundling hospital.

¹⁰¹⁴ Cf. S. theol. 2, 2, q. 101, a. 2 ad 2: "The father has the character of a principle.... Therefore it belongs to the father of himself to assist his son; and on account of this he must assist him not only for a time, but throughout his whole life."

¹⁰¹⁵ 2 Cor. 12:14.

589. 3. The obligation of spiritual education and its violation. The obligation incumbent upon parents to procure the diligent spiritual education of their offspring is most grave. For offspring begotten, inasmuch as they possess a rational soul destined for eternal beatitude, must above all be educated as regards the soul, so that they may be imbued with the knowledge and virtues necessary for attaining the supernatural end. Therefore St. Paul admonishes parents that they should endeavor to educate their children "in the discipline and correction of the Lord."¹⁰¹⁶ Parents are therefore bound promptly to regenerate the child born by the laver of baptism and to free it from original sin. Hence a notable delay of baptism is a grave sin, as will be said below in the tract on baptism. Parents must then take care, as soon as possible, that children who have scarcely attained the use of reason be instructed in matters of morals and religion, that they pour forth pious prayers daily, and that they exercise virtues suitable to their age.

Parents must give their children a good example in all things. For examples are stronger than words. Hence St. Jerome writes to Laeta concerning the education of her daughter:¹⁰¹⁷ "Let her have you as her teacher; let her untutored infancy look with wonder upon you; let her see nothing in you and in her father which, if she does it, is a sin. Remember, you parents... that you can teach more by examples than by voice." And the Council of Trent says generally: "The integrity of those who preside is the salvation of their subjects."¹⁰¹⁸ Therefore parents sin gravely who blaspheme before their children, speak shameful things, do immodest things, or, what is worse, induce their children to sin.

Furthermore, parents must employ sufficient vigilance or even, when necessity requires, due correction, lest their children contract vices or grow filthy in sins. Hence this grave admonition is directed to them: "Withhold not discipline from a child; for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell."¹⁰¹⁹ This correction must always be done with love and discretion, and not with harshness or disordered passion. Hence the Apostle admonishes: "Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged."¹⁰²⁰

Parents therefore sin who do not restrain the excesses of their children by suitable chastisement. The most sorrowful example of neglected chastisement is Heli, who was therefore gravely punished. Likewise parents sin who carelessly leave their children in a proximate occasion of sin, for example, by permitting boys and girls to sleep in the same bed, or sons and daughters to prolong dangerous courtships, etc. On the other hand, parents also sin who commit notable excesses in punishing their children.

In our times the spiritual education owed to children chiefly requires that parents send their children to good schools in which sound doctrine is handed down and good morals flourish among pupils and teachers. Above, I, n. 528, enough was said concerning the dangers which arise from bad schools. It is useful to add here the Instruction of the Holy Office of March 21, 1866, to the bishops of Switzerland concerning mixed schools:¹⁰²¹ "Whether it is lawful for parents to entrust their children to be educated in schools of this kind? In general, it is not lawful; but in particular cases this is to be left to the judgment and conscience of the Ordinary. It shall, however, be his duty diligently to take care that suitable remedies be applied, not only by himself and by parish priests but also by individual parents, by which the danger of perversion may be removed from the pupils; and at the same time to strive before magistrates and governors that violence not be done to the conscience of Catholics by employing books which are hostile to the Catholic religion; and finally, assiduously and urgently to admonish and exhort all, and especially those who have the means, to send their children to other regions where they may be educated in a Catholic manner."

St. John Chrysostom¹⁰²² sharply inveighs with satire against those who entrust their children to bad teachers for instruction: "We have greater care for asses and horses than for children. For if a muleteer must be placed over our mules and asses, we take no little care lest we place over them one who is insane, drunken, a thief, or unskilled in that work. But if a tutor must be found for us to cultivate the mind of our children, we receive whoever happens to be offered, nor do we consider that no art is found more sublime than this art."

In some dioceses, for example, those of England, parents who send their children to non-Catholic schools without the most urgent reason cannot receive sacramental absolution without the previous permission of the bishop. In practice it is strongly to be recommended that, after receiving the instruction of the bishop, the parish priests and confessors of each region proceed in a uniform manner in this matter by denying absolution to those parents who do not sincerely promise that they will, according to their ability, guard against the dangers which arise for their children from attendance at the schools.

¹⁰¹⁶ Eph. 6:4.

¹⁰¹⁷ In Migne, Patr. lat. 22, 867ff. This letter, which treats excellently of education in the families of the ancient Christians, is most worthy of being read.

¹⁰¹⁸ Session 6, c. 1, de reform.

¹⁰¹⁹ Prov. 23:13ff.

¹⁰²⁰ Col. 3:21.

¹⁰²¹ Collect. de Prop. Fide I, n. 1286. Similar things are contained in the Code of Canon Law, c. 1374.

¹⁰²² Homily 20 on Matthew. A proverb says something similar: Das ist fürwahr ein großer Sünder, der für seine Kälber mehr sorgt als für seine Kinder [He is truly a great sinner who cares more for his calves than for his children].

590. Scholion. On the obligations of piety among other relatives. From the virtue of piety there arise similar, though unequal, obligations also among other relatives in the nearer degrees, namely, toward a grandfather, grandmother, grandson, granddaughter, brother, and sister. But the obligations toward more remote relatives are the same as those dictated by common charity toward one's neighbor.