Article III. On Affability

612. Notion. Affability,¹⁰⁷¹ which is sometimes also called friendship, courtesy, or civility, is the virtue by which someone, from the duty of social life, conducts himself pleasantly and becomingly toward others in common intercourse, both in deeds and in words.¹⁰⁷²

Explanation. An affable man conducts himself neither too flatteringly nor too harshly in human conversation. Affability is occupied chiefly with serious conversation; for it pertains to eutrapelia to preserve due measure in games and amusements, so that there be neither excess after the manner of a buffoon, nor the defect with which certain boors or rustics are tainted.

Affability pertains to the virtue of justice because it introduces a true due toward another. For man is by the very condition of his nature a social animal and consequently must conduct himself suitably toward other men living together with him. Hence it is evident that the virtue of affability, which rightly orders this intercourse, includes a true due, at least a moral one. This virtue of affability is most useful to every man, but chiefly to priests, who must become all things to all men so that they may gain all for Christ. This virtue is already treated in the ancient Corpus Iuris under the title On the Life and Upright Conduct of Clerics. All modern authors also, as many as have written concerning the conduct of clerics, strongly commend it.¹⁰⁷³

The principal acts of affability are: 1. to hear all kindly and address them willingly and with a cheerful countenance; 2. to show signs of courtesy to all, yet according to the condition of each one and the custom of the country; 3. inwardly and outwardly to have true charity toward one's neighbor and to combat excessive love toward oneself.

Several men think that for the duty of courtesy it suffices to show themselves by external words and gestures as well-educated men are accustomed to do; but this is wholly insufficient. For such courtesy is nothing other than a fraudulent pretense suited to deceiving simple men. This at last is true courtesy which proceeds from the inward conviction that everyone ought according to his ability to contribute to the peaceful and pleasant intercourse of human society, and especially of domestic society.

Opposed vices. Two vices are opposed to the virtue of affability: one by excess, namely, flattery; the other by defect, namely, moroseness or contentiousness.

¹⁰⁷¹ Freundlichkeit, Leutseligkeit, Höflichkeit, politesse, civilité, affabilité [friendliness, affability, courtesy].

¹⁰⁷² Cf. S. theol. 2, 2, q. 114, a. 1.

¹⁰⁷³ Cf. Walter, Der katholische Priester I (Brixen, 1904), c. 2.

613. Flattery is a vice by which someone, in an inordinate and excessive manner in common conversation, endeavors by words or deeds to delight another for the sake of obtaining some advantage.¹⁰⁷⁴

A flatterer is one who praises and approves all the deeds and words of another for the sake of his own utility. Concerning this flattery St. Jerome¹⁰⁷⁵ rightly says: "There is nothing which so easily corrupts the minds of men as flattery." And St. Augustine¹⁰⁷⁶ says: "The tongue of the flatterer persecutes more than the hand of the murderer."

Flattery of itself indeed is not a mortal sin, because it is only an excess in the endeavor to please and delight, which does not appear gravely to conflict with charity; nevertheless, it often becomes a mortal sin because of the evil end of the agent, and notably for a threefold reason:¹⁰⁷⁷ 1. by reason of the matter, as when someone praises another's sin; for this is contrary both to the love of God, against whose justice the flatterer speaks, and to the love of one's neighbor, whom he fosters in sin. Hence it is a mortal sin according to the saying: "Woe to you that call evil good."¹⁰⁷⁸ The flattery practiced by a sycophant was discussed above, n. 106. 2. by reason of intention, as when someone flatters another in order fraudulently to harm him, whether bodily or spiritually. Hence it is said: "Better are the wounds of a friend than the deceitful kisses of an enemy."¹⁰⁷⁹ Wicked men often use flatteries to corrupt girls. 3. by reason of effect, as when someone by flattering gives another an occasion of sinning gravely, even if he does not intend this. In this case those things which were said concerning scandal must be applied.

¹⁰⁷⁴ S. theol. 2, 2, q. 115, a. 1. Niedrige Schmeichelei, Liebedienerei, flagornerie [base flattery, fawning, flattery].

¹⁰⁷⁵ Epistle to the matron Gelantia, n. 17 (Migne, Patr. lat. 22, 1212).

¹⁰⁷⁶ On Psalm 69 (Migne, l.c. 36, 869). The same St. Augustine (Sermo 353; Migne, l.c. 39, 1561) says briefly but rightly: "Flattery is seduction by deceitful praise."

¹⁰⁷⁷ S. theol. 2, 2, q. 115, a. 2.

¹⁰⁷⁸ Isa. 5:20.

¹⁰⁷⁹ Prov. 27:6.

614. Contentiousness or moroseness¹⁰⁸⁰ is a vice by which someone shows himself difficult in company, rarely acquiescing and often deliberately contradicting the words of another with the intention of saddening the other or at least of not pleasing him.

If this contradiction proceeds from a defect of love uniting souls, it pertains to discord; but if it proceeds from anger, it is opposed to meekness.¹⁰⁸¹ Moroseness is of itself a venial sin, but accidentally it can become a mortal sin when, namely, it gravely injures the charity of one's neighbor and renders human society almost intolerable.

¹⁰⁸⁰ Streitsucht, Rechthaberei; rauhes, mürrisches, rechthaberisches Wesen, grognerie, ergoterie, grumbling [contentiousness, insistence on being right; a rough, sullen, opinionated disposition].

¹⁰⁸¹ S. theol. 2, 2, q. 116, a. 1.