Appendix I. Concerning Particular Occasions.

Article One.. Concerning the Visits of Those Courting.

In the visits which are customarily made between those courting with a view to future marriage, a twofold stage, as it were, must be distinguished: visits which take place before betrothal, and visits which take place after betrothal. The former must be treated distinctly under the title "familiarities," and the latter under the title "visits of the betrothed."

418. Concerning Familiarities. 1. Familiarities, which are also called courtships, of themselves contain an occasion of sinning; for the character of human nature, especially in younger persons, is of such a kind that more frequent conversations between persons of different sex excite base love. Therefore familiarities are not licit of themselves unless there is added a just cause which renders them licit.

Whether in a particular case there is a proximate occasion must be judged either from the vehemence of temptations, or from the known frailty of the penitent, or from the frequency of sins which have already happened in the visits (n. 413).

2. Familiarities which are made with a view to future marriage are licit; for visits which would not be licit of themselves can become licit from this end. No one is bound to enter betrothal with a person unknown to him, but he can test the character and morals of his future wife; for this reason visits of this kind have already been introduced almost everywhere by the usage of peoples.

Therefore familiarities illicit because of danger of sinning are to be forbidden, and, if the occasion of sinning is proximate, even under penalty of denial of absolution; namely, those familiarities in which either there is no hope of future marriage or there is hope of contracting marriage only after a long time. For the hope of future marriage is the only cause on account of which these visits become licit. The measure of time within which they can be permitted must be defined not so much by a certain rule as by the judgment of prudent men. In general it can be said that familiarities which are prolonged for a long time beyond a year are not to be permitted; therefore in such a case they must either be entirely broken off or at least interrupted, if the marriage itself cannot be contracted sooner.

3. Care must be taken, however, lest licit familiarities become a proximate occasion of sins; for without suitable precautions they easily degenerate into a proximate occasion. Precautions of this kind are:

a. That the consent of the parents be obtained as soon as possible; without it the future marriage will either be prolonged too long or will not take place at all.

b. That they not be alone, one with one, which indeed is of such great importance that confessors can never sufficiently urge the obligation of parents by which they ought to watch over the visits of their children.

c. That visits not be too frequent or too prolonged. Moreover, the number of visits and their licit duration must also be determined by the estimation of prudent men. In general, Aertnys thinks that once in a week for one or two hours is not immoderate.

d. That they avoid all things which can increase danger, namely too much liberty in preserving signs of affection, especially touches, kisses, embraces.

e. That by exercises of piety, and especially by frequentation of the sacraments, they strive to fortify themselves against sin.

¹ Aem. Berardi, De recidivis et occasionariis, 5th ed. (Faventiae: Novelli, 1897).

419. Concerning the Visits of Betrothed Persons. 1. It is certain that after betrothal has been entered, betrothed persons have no mutual right over their bodies. Therefore those things which are sins in the unmarried, namely immodest looks, touches, kisses, embraces, are in the same way grave sins also in the betrothed.

2. They have a right to show each other those honorable signs of love and benevolence which betrothed persons, according to the custom of the country, are accustomed to show each other, such as kisses, embraces, touches, and honorable conversations. The very relation of betrothed persons is the foundation of this right. Therefore carnal motions, and even pollutions which perhaps arise on this occasion, are not sins, because the relation of betrothed persons is a just cause for permitting those effects, provided consent is guarded against.

Authors dispute whether it is licit for betrothed persons to take and intentionally seek sensual pleasure which arises from modest kisses, embraces, or touches. Now if by the name of sensual pleasure venereal pleasure is understood, this cannot licitly be intended, whether it is great or slight; for the condition of betrothed persons gives no right voluntarily to seek pleasure of this kind, not even slight pleasure. But if by the name of sensual pleasure is understood pleasure which is not venereal, it is not illicit voluntarily to take and intend it. For pleasure of this kind is honorable: since the love of betrothed persons is honorable, and equally honorable are the signs by which that love is shown and fostered, therefore also honorable is the pleasure which connaturally follows from that showing of love. Moreover there is a sufficient reason for taking it, namely the relation of betrothed persons; finally, venereal pleasure perhaps arising can be licitly permitted for this same reason, provided consent is excluded.

The controversy among authors seems to have arisen from the fact that they do not sufficiently distinguish between venereal, sensible, and sensual pleasure; sensual pleasure must be entirely distinguished both from venereal and from sensible pleasure, and of itself it is indifferent.¹

3. After betrothal has been entered, the danger of sinning in visits is greater; for the betrothed converse with each other with greater liberty, since certain signs of mutual love according to the custom of the country cannot be forbidden to them; but this greater familiarity greatly increases the danger of sinning. Therefore special precautions must be proposed and inculcated to them:

a. That they never be alone, especially in a secret place; moreover it must be enjoined on the parents, especially the mothers, that they watch.

b. That they abstain from those signs of benevolence by which lust is more greatly excited; but in other signs they should indulge nothing to themselves except what can be done before others without offense.

c. That they use more diligently the exercises of piety and the sacraments of the Church.

4. If in these visits, whether they take place before or after betrothal has been entered, sins are committed, it must be judged from their frequency whether there is a proximate danger of sinning. But if from the frequency of sins it appears that the visits are a proximate occasion for the betrothed, they are to be regarded and treated as persons constituted in a necessary proximate occasion; for it is morally impossible for the betrothed to abstain from visits and conversation.

a. If therefore external sins, such as base touches and fornications, are committed, it must be enjoined on them that they never remain alone; if sins are committed because they consent to base motions which arise on the occasion of the visit, care must be taken that the visits, as far as can be done, be diminished and that precautions be used more diligently.

b. Moreover, even recidivists the confessor should try to dispose actually, and, if he can judge them disposed, he should absolve them; for if they are sent away without absolution, it will happen that throughout the whole time of courtship they abstain from the sacraments and languish in sins.

Note for confessors. When young men or girls accuse themselves of sins against chastity committed with a person of the other sex, they must be asked whether they foster some familiarity. If they affirm this, it must further be asked whether there is hope of future marriage. If there exists no hope of marriage, it must altogether be demanded that they break off the familiarity, since without a just cause they are found in a proximate occasion of sinning gravely. Ordinarily the same must be demanded if the hope of entering marriage shines forth only after a long and indeterminate time, for example after the death of the father, if I shall have obtained an office, after I shall have satisfied the laws of military service, etc. But if, after considering all the circumstances, there exists a reasonable hope of future marriage, the familiarity must be permitted. The precautions, however, of which there was speech above, must be suggested.

¹ Cf. Noldin, De sexto praecepto, 14th ed., n. 7; Ballerini-Palmieri II, n. 298.