Morals of the Church
Library › Wouters, Manual of Moral Theology › Volume II › Book III. On the Aids of the Christian Life, or on the Sacraments › Treatise V. On Penance › Dissertation II. On the Sacrament of Penance › Part II. On the Ministration of the Sacrament of Penance › Section II. On the Ministration of the Sacrament of Penance to Certain Persons in Particular › Chapter IV. On the Confession of Those in Occasions of Sin › Article II. On Some Occasions in Species

Section — Wouters, Manual of Moral Theology

§ II. On Courtships

468.

I. Courtships or visits of lovers with a view to marriage, considering present-day morals, can be held as necessary. Nevertheless, they are commonly not made without danger, although the danger arises more from solitary courtship than from courtship as such. Solitary courtship is understood as that which has place outside the sight of others.

II. Solitary courtship for many is already a priori, so to speak, a proximate occasion; for many it can become a proximate occasion; and as soon as the courting persons have sinned gravely, it has become a proximate occasion and must be treated as such by the confessor.

III. That the danger may be diminished the more, let the following precautions be used:

  1. Courtship should be permitted only to those who can and will enter marriage within a reasonable time. If younger persons have begun courtship, let it be deferred; if the hope of entering marriage sufficiently soon is lacking for a reason other than age, and the courtship cannot conveniently be interrupted, let the visits be diminished.

  2. Let the lovers not dwell under the same roof.

  3. Let them obtain the consent of parents as soon as possible; this does not prevent certain beginnings of love from sometimes being tolerated even without the parents' knowledge, namely so that they may know whether some reciprocal affection is present.

  4. Let one not be alone with a lone person, or let courtship not be made outside the sight of others. This happens if it is done in a closed room; in a house while no one is present or all have gone away to bed; when a girl follows a young man to the door of the house toward evening or at night; in a remote place; in darkness, even if in a public place. It happens less when they are in a room and the mother now and then leaves very briefly on account of domestic business; scarcely or not at all when by day a young man accompanies a girl along a public road. It is also more dangerous if the courting persons deliberately seek solitude.

  5. Let the visits not be too frequent, nor too prolonged.

  6. If it happens that they are alone, let them not approach each other; this in itself is dangerous and gives occasion to immodest touches.

  7. Let them fortify themselves with spiritual helps, especially frequency of the sacraments.

Corollary. The breaking off of a courtship should not easily be imposed on account of sins alone, namely if otherwise nothing stands in the way of the courtship; rather, in every way, even by delaying absolution for those who relapse, let care be taken that one is not alone with a lone person. I would say this: 1. because solitary courtship, rather than courtship itself, is the occasion of sinning; 2. because a courtship to which otherwise nothing is opposed cannot be broken off without sufficiently grave inconvenience; and 3. because, even if it is broken off, afterward it is easily renewed. But if courting persons who have sinned can, on account of singular circumstances, converse only alone, the courtship is rightly called a necessary occasion, since to renounce a courtship to which otherwise nothing stands in the way is a grave inconvenience.

Courtships