Section — Wouters, Manual of Moral Theology
Section I. On the Duties of Children Toward Parents
I. Principles. 1. Children must render love, reverence, and obedience to their parents. This is clear both from Sacred Scripture1 and from what has been said about the virtue of piety and observance (nn. 395 and 398). In addition, the obligations of love and reverence persist; but the obligation of obedience ceases when children become of age or become their own masters by marriage or emancipation; nevertheless those remaining in the paternal home remain subject to parents as regards domestic order.
The duties of love, reverence, and obedience, since they regard morally different modes of exercising piety, differ specifically; hence one who transgresses them commits a specifically different sin according as he injures love, reverence, or obedience.
The duties set forth are grave from their kind, so that children who notably injure them sin gravely. The reason is that, in the supposed case, they are gravely opposed to the good of parents and therefore to charity (St. Alphonsus, III, 333; n. 282).
1 Cf. Ecclus. 3:9 ff.; Prov. 19:26; 23:24, 30; Eph. 6:1.
II. Applications. 1. Due love requires that children pursue their parents with the affection of love, will good things for them, and furnish signs of love.
Against this obligation children sin gravely: 1. if they hate their parents, wish grave evil to them, or rejoice over their grave evil; 2. if - even though perhaps internal hatred is absent - nevertheless they behave as if they hated them, for example by habitually looking at them with a grim eye or addressing them harshly; 3. if they do not help parents in grave temporal or spiritual necessity; if they do not visit them in their illness; if they do not take care that the sacraments be administered to them when they are dying; if they do not fulfill their testament, etc. (St. Alphonsus, III, 333).
- Due reverence requires filial fear, that they think honorably of them, acknowledging them as superiors, and that they prove the aforesaid sentiments by words and deeds.
Against this obligation children sin gravely: 1. if they despise their parents or are unwilling to acknowledge them; nevertheless merely external simulation without internal contempt, on account of some cause, at least excuses from mortal sin; 2. if they strike them, even only lightly, or raise a hand or instrument for striking them. Nevertheless those are excused from grave, and sometimes even from light, sin who restrain by words or deeds parents who are dull, insane, delirious from old age or drunkenness (St. Alphonsus, III, 334). For the rest, the gravity of irreverence depends not a little on the condition of the family and the customs of the place, so that the same words can constitute light or grave irreverence according as they are uttered against parents of lower or higher condition.
- Due obedience extends: 1. to the education of children both temporal and spiritual, which nevertheless have force only for minors and those not yet joined in marriage, minority being computed in civil matter according to civil law, in matter of morals and religion according to canon law (cf. can. 88, § 1); 2. to domestic order. But in order that in the case there truly be sin, a true command is required; one who acts against a will or against merely directive arrangements does not sin of himself, although by accident, if the honorable end of the act is lacking, he can easily sin. Moreover, as to grave matter, note that several transgressions, according to the mind of the one commanding, with the matter considered, often coalesce in an altogether prudent judgment (St. Alphonsus, III, 335). With these things attended to:
Against this obligation children sin gravely who, against a formal injunction of the parents, 1. omit a precept of religion or even abstain from the sacraments for a long time; 2. frequent bad company, taverns, dances, theaters; 3. do not cease wandering in the evening; 4. continue an untimely courtship; 5. refuse to perform work of grave importance, etc. (St. Alphonsus, cited place). As to neglect of studies, note that a son can sin gravely even if the parents have not imposed a strict command, namely on account of the harm to be inflicted on the parents. Moreover, for this reason the son of rich parents will not so easily sin gravely, but the son of parents of moderate fortune will more easily sin gravely.
For the rest, in this whole matter of obedience it must be well considered: 1. whether there is only a warning or directive arrangement, or a true mandate; 2. whether or not children sufficiently attended to the objectively grave malice, so that they are subjectively gravely culpable.
Question 1. Are children bound to obey parents in the choice of a state of life, whether matrimonial, celibate, clerical, or religious?
Resp. Children are not bound to obey either as to the state of life in general, or as to marriage with a determined person, or as to entrance into a determined religious institute. For, "according to those things which pertain to the nature of the body, man is not bound to obey man, but only God, because all men are equal by nature; for example in those things which pertain to the sustenance of the body and the generation of offspring; whence neither are servants bound to obey masters, nor children parents, concerning contracting marriage, or preserving virginity, or anything of this kind" (St. Thomas, II-II, q. 104, a. 5); these things are also to be applied to the state of life of the supernatural order (St. Thomas, II-II, q. 189, a. 6). It is added that in the aforesaid states there is a certain perpetual servitude, to which man cannot compel man (St. Thomas, Supplement, q. 47, a. 6). Hence parents sin gravely who compel children, even indirectly, to choose a state of life (St. Alphonsus, III, 335; cf. can. 2352). Yet by accident it can happen that children must either enter marriage, or for a time at least abstain from marriage, from the clerical state, or from the religious state, namely if otherwise the parents would be exposed to grave necessity (St. Thomas, II-II, q. 189, a. 6; St. Alphonsus, III, 335; IV, 66).
Question 2. Are children bound to seek the counsel and consent of parents in the choice of a state?
Resp. 1. As to the conjugal state, especially as to the person with whom marriage is to be entered, filial reverence seems to require that parents be consulted in so grave a matter, and that their assent be sought. Yet since children are not bound to follow the counsel to be given by parents, the obligation itself of consulting and seeking assent seems of itself only light. Indeed there is none if the parents are foreseen to be irrationally unwilling, or another just cause of acting otherwise is present (St. Alphonsus, VI, 849, 877). By accident the obligation can be grave, for example if the parents will be gravely offended or affected with grave sadness from counsel not being sought.
Note. To what extent children, with civil law considered, need the consent of parents or of a guardian for entering marriage, see in domestic law.
Resp. 2. As to the religious or clerical state, there is no obligation of seeking the counsel or consent of parents; indeed often it is not even expedient to consult them, both because in this matter they lack experience, and because "as the flesh lusts against the spirit, as is said in Gal. 5, so also carnal friends frequently oppose spiritual progress" (St. Thomas, II-II, q. 189, a. 10, ad 2; St. Alphonsus, IV, 68). Yet if a son "can easily and safely obtain their consent, it is fitting that he not depart without the blessing of his parents" (St. Alphonsus, cited place, III, 335); but if they dissent, he should wait a little, if there is hope that afterward they will consent. Besides, note well that minors, with the civil law of many regions considered, can be brought back by force by their parents; hence let them not easily depart without their consent.
Corollary I. Although children are not subject to parents as to the choice of a state of life, nevertheless let them not easily contract marriage without the parents' knowledge or with them reasonably unwilling. Hence can. 1034 rightly establishes: the parish priest is gravely to exhort minor children of families not to enter marriages without the knowledge of their parents or with them reasonably unwilling; but if they refuse, he is not to assist at their marriage unless the local Ordinary has first been consulted.
Corollary II. What has been said about the state of life can almost be applied to the choice of a profession - for example of acquiring a science or art - since this too regards the whole life. Yet here by accident there will more easily be an obligation of satisfying the wishes of the parents.