Question III: On friendship

FRIENDSHIP, which is also called affability, is a special virtue, by which one is rightly ordered toward other men in ordinary social intercourse, so that in deeds as well as in words one conducts oneself toward each person as is fitting. Thus St. Thomas, article 1. Hence St. Bonaventure, 3rd part, Centil. sect. 44, defines it thus: It is a good will toward someone, for the sake of the one who is loved, with a like intention on the part of the one who loves. The same is found in the opusc. Declaratorio terminorum Theol. St. Doctor includes it in Grace, lib. 5, Compend. Theol. cap. 37, namely because by it human fellowship is preserved and becomes pleasant.

NOTE here that we are not speaking of perfect friendship, which rests on Charity. Of that I have treated in the Tract. de Charitate: nor of another kind, based on the motive of perfect natural goodness, which consists in a special love and communication toward another; but of a certain imperfect friendship, by which one behaves agreeably and decently toward others in ordinary association and living together, lest anything harsh, peevish, inhuman, or rude be shown in words or manners; which is why St. Bonaventure calls it Grace, and St. Thomas Affability.

Now friendship is a potential part of justice, as D. Bonav. teaches in the places cited, and D. Thomas, quaest. 114, art. 2. For it is directed to another, but falls short of the perfect reason of a debt.

There are two contrary vices of Friendship, namely Flattery and Quarrelsomeness. The former exceeds in giving pleasure; the latter holds back, and makes social intercourse bitter.

St. Doctor defines FLATTERY, p. p. Centil. sect. 13: It is speech of praise offered about another, with the intention of pleasing; it is twofold: one kind attributes a good not possessed; another kind extols a good possessed; another nourishes evil by praising evil. Hence Psalm 9: The sinner is praised in the desires of his soul. There is also a kind by which one wishes to please others, though not for God's sake, yet with true praise, of which Galatians 1: If I yet pleased men — that is, wished to please them — not for God's sake, I should not be the servant of Christ. The same is taught in the little work Declaratorio terminorum Theologiae.

QUARRELSOMENESS, indeed, makes social intercourse harsh; therefore St. Francis in his rule, cap. 3, rejects it as an enemy of peace and friendship, as St. Doctor observes there.

Either of these vices can be mortal. Flattery, indeed, by praising another's sin — of these Isaiah 5: Woe to you who call evil good, and good evil. Second, by reason of intention, as if one flatters someone in order to harm him. Third, by reason of effect, when the flatterer's praise is an occasion of sinning for the other, as D. Bonavent. teaches in speculo animae, cap. 1. Many examples of flattery from the Scriptures are brought forward by St. Doctor in the Bibliis pauperum, cap. 69. There Chore and his accomplices are condemned mortally, flattering the people so as to stir them up against Moses, saying: It is enough for you that the whole multitude are holy, Numbers 16. So Absalom, who flattered in order to lead David's subjects into an unjust war, 2 Reg. 15. See other things there.

You have many things from the Holy Fathers on Flattery in D. Bonavent. lib. 3, Pharetrae, cap. 3, §. De adulatione.

But if you flatter out of mere complacency in praising, or even to avoid some evil, it is not mortal. Thus D. Bonavent. in speculo animae, cited place, and D. Thom. quaest. 115, art. 2.